[notALICE]

I abhor my mother. Controlling, bitter, nasty B word. In constant denial. Criticism, never love. She also tries to control my 11yo daughters life & lives vicariously through her, at my child's expense... She recently bold faced lied repeatedly about my son. She stole from me. Abuse stepfather she turned a blind eye to. I could go on.

Anyway - I'm dark and morbid by nature. Thinking of sending her black roses for Mother's Day. Immature - yes. Productive - no. Will it make me feel better - yes.

She gave birth to me, gave me life, but tried not to. (Another story).

I know I need to let go of the anger. Going to a workshop Saturday on just that topic. Maybe it will change my mind.

Another reason I hate Mother's Day is that I often feel like the worst mom. No, I don't beat them, very loving, but my older kids are not with me, and I tend to be extremely melancholy.

Yes, I clearly have issues. Anyone else?

Yes, my mother was my problem, too, but I finally saw that whatever I did for her
to help her was being done for God, and that's how I lived to care for her during her
last years. She ultimately learned that she was loved, I think, despite her own personal problems.

And, as for rearing our own children, we do the best that we know how to care
for them well, prepare them for life, and let them go with respect and love
when their time comes for independence. We're never perfect; no parents ever
are, and no child ever gets through childhood without some small area of weakness.

Part of their life is learning what it is that bothers them and working to improve it and feel fully mature and free.

Try reading a little paperback called Forgiving and Moving On; that one is very helpful for me when I begin to wonder about the best and worst of my life as a
child in a home in which the mother had problems with not wanting children and
with negativity.

Take care and know that we've all had some problems in childhood that we're all
working on daily (hopefully) to be finally free from the injury.

[faerie_moon_x]

I am not really a fan of mother's day. I never liked it for many years because after my mom died, it was just a constant reminder that I don't have a mom. It actually became very triggering for me.

Now I am a mom, but we don't really do anything for mother's day. Not because we don't want to, but because we live paycheck to paycheck and mother's day lovingly falls mid-paycheck when I'm broke....

It's just not one of my favorite holidays.

i'm not afraid to admit this, but i don't do anything for my mother.... nothing

after the little she's done for me, i don't see it fitting

oh and while i'm on the subject of mothers day... who needs it?

shouldn't you do stuff for your mother every day and show her your love?

same goes for valentines and all that- i don't like it when a day gets singled out because i think people forget the rest of the year and only really use that day

[Darth Bane]

my mom called me today. she tries to call every Sunday, but i didn't pick up this Sunday so she called today... i don't know,i am angry at her for first 18 years of my life but then she became nice... its complicated, and i was eldest, so again more complicated.

and like genetic said "forgiveness" is important, it gives peace of mind, its something about letting go, that "zen buddhism" thing....

[notALICE]

Yeah I hate Valentines day too. Contrived "Holidays" so people will spend money. We should be loving and kind (when warranted) all year. I do St. Paddys day, April Fools & Halloween though.

I should forgive, it hurts me, not her. The whole anger, resentment, complaining, wasted time.

Dark Heart - sorry about the loss of your mom. Makes me feel guilty about how I feel about my mom, but the rest of the feelings are still there too.

I lost my first son, and for three years (before I had my daughter) Mothers Day was hell. All self pity though, isn't it? (Talking about me, pathetic).

Forgiveness, peace, letting go - makes sense. If I don't I'll just up bitter too.

[faerie_moon_x]

Don't feel guilty. You have good reason to feel like you do.

The people who make me mad are the ones who have super loving, caring, devoted mothers and they treat them like the biggest annoyance of their life... that's when I get mad about mom complaints.

[BlueInanna]

So sorry You had a raw raw deal. And she, at 16, not mature enough

It is only luck that I had a really decent mom. So I am going to send her and her 3 sisters she lives with one of those edible arrangment gift thingies.

But me as a mother - very hard on myself - feel like a huge failure often. I have dad's bp rage probs. I've had my son try to strangle me, stopped himself. But thank God he's doing so much better. I think he understands now why I had to involve police, etc. What a freaking mess omg... Gottta make myself focus on now. I sure love my kids. Oldest daughter told me I'm a great mama and very nurturing, especially compared to her bf's mom they live with (my old therapist - lol, another story).

Let's have more coffee!!!!
Luvya