[Aphrodites_Muse]

Well my life has officially taken it's second major crash on me. Don't get me wrong, there are ups and downs always, but a true life crash, well, I consider this to be the second for me. I'm trying to learn to be strong this time. Never let this happen to me again. I'm not sure how.

My dx in the past have come from general doctors, not professionals of the psychiatric nature. I didn't continue to go because of lack of faith in the system. They never did decide between just depression or bipolar. I don't know if bipolar is the right dx for me or not. I know that depression is a key issue I struggle with, but there is soooo much more to it than that.

Anyway, I guess I'm not making much sense here as I ramble, as usual. My point, I finally got the cahunas to walk into mental health services yesterday. The initial evaluation was lengthy. They didn't give me a whole lot to go on other than they want me to begin group therapy. They said after I have attended at least three therapy sessions I can be considered for meds. They were supposed to call me today after my case went to review. I didn't receive a call, so I called but my person wasn't there; I left a message.

Now I wait.....I don't know what to expect....they explained it wasn't a diagnoses, but a general starting point, that he was unsure if I should be primarily handled for now as PTSD or bipolar.

My mother's dx was recently changed to borderline personality disorder. She shared some info with me and I felt like it was a booklet on my life.

I'm so confused right now. I'm so lost. I really truly hope there is help for me, and this time I'm going to follow through and learn to be a person again, that is, if I ever was really a person to start with.

Thanks for bearing with me on this one.

[Confusedinomicon]

I hope you're able to get your call soon!

Good luck!

[BlueInanna]

Sounds like a good plan. I think it's good they aren't diving in to dx you. I'm looking into bpd as well... learning about it, not wanting to have it, but if that's what it is, then it's better to know. I've been reading some on the bpd forum. They were very kind and welcoming. It makes sense to me because even in between my depressions and hypos, I am so so sensitive, Relationships are hard, I love him then I hate him, rage and resentment over small things. Getting over a love relationship is near impossible for me. I just fit a lot of the dsm criteria. But it's almost too much cuz I'm still onlhy getting used to this bp dx... worth looking into. They say therapy helps, some meds help some people. Bpd stigma is even worse than bp, in my opinion, maybe because I grew up with 2 of my sisters always having these secret convos with me about how they thought the other was borderline and how they're the craziest of all disorders... not very nice.

[ultramar]

I'm glad you took this important step --I know it can be scary. I'm always an advocate for getting evaluation and treatment by specialists, they're not all good, but I think a better bet than PCP's.

What kind of group therapy was recommended for you?

[Aphrodites_Muse]

Blue, sometimes I really feel we are kindred souls.

Well, I called and left messages twice. He finally called right after I left the house for a work meeting. So, I never spoke with him, but he did leave a message. It was a rather long message but basically said that after my case went before the board, they felt that I was leaning most towards BPD. They also were going to be adding individual therapy as well as group. They didn't give much detail over the phone, so I will find out more later.

Not really sure what this is supposed to all mean for me yet. Not really what I wanted to hear exactly. I really hope this is the beginning to finally finding the help I've needed for a long time.