Cursed... or doomed... or marked... or something....

This is something that troubled me for a long time. Like, a very long time.

I feel like other people, even ones who do not know me or even through the internet, already know they should avoid me. This may sound stupid. But, it's true....

Like... it's very hard for me to not only feel like people connect with me but also more like people are trying to avoid me, or know to avoid me. And sometimes it is less and sometimes more. Sometimes I think I am lucky and find some people who either ignore this or who don't know it and so they become my friends. Everyone else, though, I think they avoid me or know already.

Like for instance, at line at a service counter, for like fast food or 7-11 type of counter, I'd be next in line and the check-out person would skip over me to help the person behind me. It made me feel invisible. This doesn't happen as much now because I've become very vocal in not being walked over.

But next is like... the ladies at work. In the lunch room if the co-worker who normally sits with me has other things going on, the other ladies are very uncomfortable with me and try to avoid me. Like yesterday they all sat at a 4 table and the one with her back to me didn't turn to make sure I was not included.... it felt like a high school clique. And, when these ladies do talk to me I can tell they are very uncomfortable and avoid eyecontact. One is okay on her own, but when the others are around she acts like them....

I just feel like, I must eminant some presance or something. And it's been a long time becaus I was badly bullied starting in first grade, which is really when I start to remember, and all through school. And so, this is an observation that doesn't change.

Does anyone else feel that this happens? I feel like no matter where I go, this is the majority. I just don't fit in very easily and I don't understand why.

DH

Oh I understand how you are feeling. I struggle with this myself. I think this is when being bullied as a child then to have your " friends" betray you is part of the situation. We all know that if our self esteem is messed with our busy lil brains will automatically assume the worst.

I wish I had some actual advice to offer. I will think on this more and maybe some words will come

It seems so unfair, Dark Heart. You don't deserve that, really and truly; no one does.
Try to get the most toxic ones out if you can. Their conduct is almost a kind of infection.
You want to keep yourself free from that as much as possible.

Look for your friends among those who are really mature and caring people. They're out there and you'll find them. You really are a nice person and deserve good people in your life.

Feeling invisible isn't fun. I am really sorry that you are feeling like that, and that you've got such strong examples to prove why you feel that way! I sometimes feel like people are really uncomfortable around me, or just really annoyed at me. It hurts when I don't know why, or believe that it's just because they don't like me even if they don't really know me all that way.

Yes, this is it. I experience this all the time... I just don't know why.

It's like being bullied all those years. I don't know why I was the target. I don't understand.

Now instead of bullying like push you down or call you names, people are just catty and stupid. I don't get it.

______________________________________

It's largely the result of ignorance, Black Heart. In time, you'll feel pity for
them and you'll be on your way to healthy friendships with people who
are just that: healthy.

I like reading your posts. You seem like a great person so I can't imagine why anyone would do this. I was also bullied at school so I know what it feels like.

Sis, people are stoopid
Stick to us fairies
So sorry you feel "marked", you're a wonderful person, and the people who can't see that are missing out BIGTIME