[THE16THDOCTOR]

I'm 30 I have to take meds daily to regulate my mood and prevent episodes I can't drink bc of the mixture of meds also bc when I'm manic I'm so impulsive I don't know when to stop. I have such bad anxiety I can't around large groups of people. As a kid I never thought this is how it'd turn out. No fear of death or injury yet simple social interactions can throw me overboard. In all honestly, with the help of meds and patience of my family, that I KNOW word thin lol, I have a good life. But def not what you picture growing up before going crazy.

[roads]

My life hasn't turned out anything like I'd imagined or planned for it to be, even when I was your age, 16thDOCTOR. I'm pushing 68 now. In spite of being a bipolar alcoholic--and losing so much time to treatment and recovery for those--I suspect my life has been more interesting than the one I'd mapped out.
I've had four careers instead of one, I've tumbled to the bottom and had to figure out why--then sober up and get my life back (learned a bunch doing that), had the bipolar misdiagnosed & mistreated as depression for decades. Now I have an heroic pdoc. A support network.
I've survived and overcome, met awesome people, experienced incredible things, gone so many places, kept my guardian angel soooo busy ...
No on knows how their life is going to turn out, regardless of their plans or their health. I'm very grateful for the life I've had, and it's been way more great than sucky.
I hope you'll be able to say the same, at my age.
Roadie

[BipolaRNurse]

I echo Roadie. Nobody grows up thinking they're going to be a bipolar alcoholic, but both of us did, and it made us strong, determined women. It's also made our lives much more textured and multifaceted than the average, and that keeps life from getting stale and boring.

Not that I would wish any of my illnesses on anyone......I'd rather not have them, but since I do, I figure I may as well live the best life I can with them and pass on my experiences to others who want to hear about them. I just started a blog on Wordpress called bpnurse---I hate being bipolar. It's AWESOME! and already have a few followers. Maybe one day someone will learn something from what I share on the blog and avoid making a terrible mistake.....that would be the best reward of all.

Originally Posted by THE16THDOCTOR

I'm 30 I have to take meds daily to regulate my mood and prevent episodes I can't drink bc of the mixture of meds also bc when I'm manic I'm so impulsive I don't know when to stop. I have such bad anxiety I can't around large groups of people. As a kid I never thought this is how it'd turn out. No fear of death or injury yet simple social interactions can throw me overboard. In all honestly, with the help of meds and patience of my family, that I KNOW word thin lol, I have a good life. But def not what you picture growing up before going crazy.

Hey Doc, I'm 40, and my life hasn't turned out the way I wanted it either, but that's how life is. Sometimes I drink, which I know I shouldn't, but usually when i'm really bouncing all over the place, and my mind won't shut up, but I try not to do it. I know it's not good for me.

Doc, I can't promise that things will get better, but a wise friend used to tell that no matter what things will change.

Just do your best, put one foot in front of the other, and enjoy the ride.

[intergalactictraveler]

Doctor, I've been on the TARDIS many times. Look forward to seeing you when our time streams cross.

[LadyShadow]

My life is definitely not what I thought it would be. I thought I would be married and off having adventures and living life. Never would I have thought I would end up here. Just existing not living.

Forget about the idea that you're crazy, please. You are not. You have a mood disorder that is treatable. And you do not have an intellectual disorder. As you age and continue to take medications, the illness seems to mellow for some of us, and life is much more relaxed and calm than I ever thought it could be at my age.

Along the way, try to grow spiritually--not religiously--spiritually. That is a very large
part of feeling tone and guiding us in the right direction.

Please don't define yourself by your illness. You happen to have an inconvenience,
not a death trap. Your life is going to be what you make it (along with some help from
above), so try to enjoy as much as you can, and, wisely, stay away from triggers...
and they can be anything from a barking dog to crowds of rowdy or negative people.
Negativity: that's a big trigger for me.

I would guess that you probably have some artistic ability. If you do, that creative
drive is going to demand attention. Give part of yourself to that and enjoy it.

Take care.

[H3rmit]

Originally Posted by Roadie

I suspect my life has been more interesting than the one I'd mapped out.

How can you feel that way? It sounds like the famous "Chinese curse," of may you live in interesting times.

I feel like I wasted my life, and, no, it was not interesting.

[Nessa213]

We just have to do the best with the hand we've been dealt. Whatever that hand is. Bipolar or not MANY people don't end up where they plan.

Also, during a mania I have many many plans to accomplish. Great things I can do. The amazing person I could be if only I do *this*. (Whatever *this* is can change from person to person.) When I come out of it, I always feel like I've let myself down. But that's not really true at all.

I was "supposed" to be a great artist. I was "supposed" to own my own business by now so that I could be a stay at home mom. I was "supposed" to have more than one child. At the very least, I was "supposed" to have a better paying job. But I don't. And I can't live in all the things I was "supposed" to have.

[Tiger_Lily]

My life has not gone the way I intended it to but I am getting on a track, if not the one I originally planned. I feel like I lost a decade of my life to this illness, a decade of pain and loss. I'm not completely stable right now, mainly due to the stress of school, but I am functional, most days. I'm BSc in Nursing and I think that I probably wouldn't have chosen the degree otherwise.

My attitude towards my past does suck sometimes, and I have to remind myself I am not a failure simply because I have yet to complete a degree. I see my siblings, cousins and friends graduating and in professional jobs and I am jealous.

I practice accepting where I am because, no matter what happened, or didn't, in the past, the only thing I can change is the present and my reaction to it. I'm focusing on where I am and where I am going rather than where I've been because I've found it's the only way to live my life. I think there is nothing wrong with diverging from what you planned if it's a good life, because I think that accumulation a multitude of experience is a purpose in my life, if not the only.

"Forget regret, or life is your to miss" - quoted from Rent.

[Nessa213]

Originally Posted by Tiger_Lily

I feel like I lost a decade of my life to this illness, a decade of pain and loss.

I feel the EXACT same way. I'm much better now than I was. But still, while people were getting careers, graduating, starting families, my life didn't really "start" until I was about 29. My late teens and ALL of my 20s was basically just me "tripping over my feet" trying to make it through. Not even knowing what was really happening to me.

[Tiger_Lily]

Originally Posted by Nessa213

I feel the EXACT same way. I'm much better now than I was. But still, while people were getting careers, graduating, starting families, my life didn't really "start" until I was about 29. My late teens and ALL of my 20s was basically just me "tripping over my feet" trying to make it through. Not even knowing what was really happening to me.

An author with bipolar wrote a book called "Detour." The title seems to fit perfectly. I'm 28 and I feel like I'm where most people are when they were 18. Although I am more mature and know what I want from life and how I find meaning in it.

[Debi54]

I agree with everyone else, too. No one's life turns out the way they expect, except maybe a lucky few. I was "supposed" to go on to college from high school, was "supposed" to get a good job, find a nice husband, and have a "nice" life, for as long as I was able to with my heart condition. Instead, I had a nervous breakdown at 17, was diagnosed then but no one told me, messed up my life with drugs and alcohol, became a single mom along the way, and wondered what the hell was wrong with me the whole time. When I finally got dx'd at 31, it was like an epiphany. I asked my father about when he took me to the psychologist, and he said manic depression was mentioned. I was angry for a while, thinking of all that wasted time, and how differently my life could've turned out if he had only said something all those years before. Now, even he says to me,"Your life just hasn't turned out the way you wanted at all, has it?" No, but I make the best of it. And the bipolar, that curse, is finally being treated, so to me, that's enough.

[wing]

There are years of my life lost to bipolar and attempting to stabilize it, but I try to forgive myself for the things I've done while manic. I've just picked up the pieces and moved on. Once I was stabilized I set new, realistic goals for myself and worked at achieving them. The regrets are always there, but I try to be thankful for where I am in spite of being bipolar.

[intergalactictraveler]

Genetic,

I must differ with you on the point that this illness is treatable. I have treatment resistant ultradian cycling with mixed state. Yes, maybe if it's one of the new drugs coming along in the pipeline but as of now, I'm FUBAR. I'm a ship taking on water and the bilge pumps can't handle it. I haven't slept well for the past three nights and one night of lots of Klonopin will only buy me one night of a heavily drug induced sleep.