I need advice- anyone a dog owner??

So last winter, I had to leave school early AGAIN because I was having issues with my medication, was misdiagnosed as clinically depressed (now bipolar 2) and couldn't cope with anything. The meds I were on turned me into a vegetable.

Anyway, I came home and had a manic, super implusive desire to have my own dog because I thought it would make me happier (this is after having an abortion and not coping well at all because it was really traumatic for me, among other issues I was having). I got this dog and she's a doll; just very hyper sometimes and can be overbearing. I got her because she reminded me of my boyfriends dog that I grew to love as my own (unhealthy, yes, probably). I love my dog sooo much but I'm still in recovery and there are days when I cannot deal with having her. And when I see her face sometimes when I'm having a low episode, it eats me up because I'm afraid she's miserable. She's a bit high strung and I just sometimes can't deal with it but I know I have to live with the decision I made to have her. I couldn't live with the guilt of giving her away to a better home either. I am doing better and the thoughts of giving her away have gone away but I can't help but imagine how much easier it'd be if I hadn't gone and brought her home (which caused major family drama, etc Aso I'm afraid these thoughts will keep coming. I don't know how to deal with this.

Don't judge me, i know that was a lot. I just need reassurance that it's fairly normal to feel this way. It comes in waves when I'm overwhelmed with everything and can't cope and I still have to care for her. She deserves better. I suppose the possible grief of giving her away would outweigh the way I feel about having her sometimes.

It's normal. I'm in my new apartment now, alone, with my dog. Boyfriend is out of town and this is too much responsibility for me. I can't get myself to eat very much, which is bad since my meds are making me famished, I crave drugs, I forget to drink water, then feel sick from not eating or getting fluids at all and not sleeping well at nights. I love my dog very, very much, but I can't take care of her on my own. And when she moans it breaks my heart. But she also helps me a lot when I'm down, at least when other people can help me take care of her.

I did the same thing when I was living in a studio apt with my boyfriend at the time. My dog's name was Luke and he was ADORABLE but I couldn't take care of him and had to give him away when I moved back to CA.
Be gentle with yourself.

First, Glad to hear you are getting better bit by bit.
I am a dog owner as well and there are days when I just can't even think about doing happy dog owner stuff with my Paddy. So long as you are taking care of her base needs such as food,toilet, and health, she's not going to suffer from a day or two of low or no activity.
Get some dog toys that are designed to entertain dogs without much human interaction, like the one where you put the treat inside and the dog has to figure out how to get it out. Look at a pet store's website for more ideas on toys the dog can play with on her own.

I also think it's normal. I just got my second puppy and having all the same thoughts and issues! Yo'd think I would have stopped at number 1 but luckily my husband is able to look after them as I am a terrible dog owner. I give them alot of love but thats as far as it goes. All the discipline and feeding etc goes down to my husband. I feel for you i really do.

Thanks everyone. It's comforting to know I'm not the only one that feels like that. Today was a weird day for me and wasn't coping very well. she was getting on my last nerve and I was really frustrated. Like I said I love her, but days like today I feel like we would have been better off giving her to a better home. Not everyday is like this but it makes me sad to have these thoughts. Ugh.

I ended up doing something very similar. Adopted a dog lol lied about it to my mom saying that he was just a friends dog because she didn't want any animals in the house I'm at. I live separately. But my dog is my buddy. He tends to know when I'm up and happy and everything he does his own thing and tries to have limited contact with me it seems. I tend to get irritated sometimes so I think he knows he can get into trouble for minor things. But when I'm down he will stay in bed with me and just stays close to me. I could never give him up though. I'd probably be heart broken.

Sweetie, I have been married for 24 years and have had a dog since 1992. Dogs love and care about you unconditionally. When you see that your dog seems sad, she is reaching out to you, she is sad and wants to take care of you.....She Loves You!!! You would not be better without her.....you need her and she needs you. Having another being, a fur-child helps you get up every morning, knowing that you have a sweet puppy can make it easier for you to take care of you. Dogs are smart....they sense our emotions. When you are having a tough day, reach out to her, lean on your sweet puppy and pet her, hold her in your arms and tell her how much you love her and would be lost without her. Having my two dogs puts a smile on my face. Yes, I know what you are going thru with the feelings of feeling like she deserves better. I have been suffering from the bipolar side of depression, really bad for the past 8 weeks. I have ignored my pups and I have suffered because of it. I feel awful about it, yet my hubby always reminds me to hug my dog or pet her when I am feeling bad, and yes, it does make me feel better. Dogs love unconditionally. They do not put judgments on you. They love you because you chose your dog to take care of----she does not deserve better, she deserves you and is waiting with open arms to love you---Do Not Get Rid of Her or Find a New Home for her, She Wants You!!! Getting rid of her would be The Worst Thing You Can Do For Yourself!!

Love your dog, hug her and know that she loves you no matter what, just because you are you. I feel that being Bipolar, we need to be reminded that we matter and we are loved unconditionally every day, and dogs meet that every need. I would be lost without my dogs. Please know that you deserve her, you are worthy of her and you chose her for a reason--you love her and she loves you. She does not deserve better, she just deserves you & yes, you are worthy of her!!! Take good care of yourself sweetie!!

You would be a much better pet mom if you gave her away...if that's what you feel is right.

But if you can take care of her, love her and you aren't going to drop her off somewhere, keep her. She doesn't know you are thinking that. Trust me. There were MANY MANY times I thought how much easier it would be without my dog Bailey, and he is my boy. I'd be devastated without him but some days when he's into stuff and I'm all crappy, I just don't want to even see him.

It's ok.

If you love her, keep her.

I've had to have family care for my dog a few times when I knew I simply couldn't do it (I usually stay with my mother and let her know what's going on); it's humiliating but I don't know what I'd do without him. He's got his own set of mental problems (as diagnosed as they can be for the species) but we lean on each other. He knows when I'm upset, he's happy when I'm happy. It helps, as well, that he's a bit older, but if I didn't have him around I'm really not sure I'd still be around.

Although I don't have a dog, when I was having a really hard time once, I was supposed to be looking after my nephew. I just couldn't do it, and I had to take him back to his parents. They didn't understand. You have to do what is best for everyone.

We got my pound puppy to help my bp. She has an automatic feeder / water-er, She knows how to bug me enough to be let out when I'm down. When I'm to depressed to move she lays with me forcing me to pet her while she chews a toy and asks to wrestle with me when I'm to up.

Training your pup may make you feel more deserving of her because it's such a bonding experience. Also trained dogs seem happier. Have you thought about doing something like that when your feeling okay? Remember above all this is your depression saying "You don't deserve things that you care about". Try not to listen to it.

Thank you so much for your post! There are some days when I feel I just can't function and then there are days when I am just too busy trying to catch up from those days and I feel like a terrible 'mom' to my pups. Every day is not going to be perfect and there are going to be trials just like with having children. Your dogs are there to be with you for years/a lifetime so there are sure to be some ups and downs. So true they love you unconditionally and they are most happy just to be with you! Mine have comforted me in times I thought I truly wouldn't make it. I don't know what I would do without them.