Distorted confidence

It was three years ago that I had my fist manic episode. The doctor prescribed mood stabilizers to take along with my anti-depressants and I hadn't had a manic episode since, but I struggled with depression a lot. Every November and March- April I have serious episodes and the rest of the year I have my usual yps and downs. But now the doctor decided that I should change the mood stabilizer because id doesn't seem to prevent me much from depressive episodes. He said it's a good time, now that the dangerous time of spring is over and we'll have the whole summer to adjust the medication before November strikes again. The thing is the exams are about to begin and I started feeling depressed every evening. I've felt this way before and it's really upseting, the mood changes in the same day. I called and told him that my exams are in stake since I get completey disorganised by this, but he said to continue taking both stabilizers and when my exams are over to cut down the old one.
The thing that I intented to write,mthough, is that I have issues with my confidence. At times It's really low, I wonder why the friends I've made want to be my friends, what they find interesting about me, I'm such a boring person... And at times I feel good almost about everything. I make lunch, something simple like spaggeti or an omelete and say to myself "Wow, that is delicious, you're great!! Awsome, good job!" or I write a song and I think it's the greatest song ever. But all this confidence rings a bell in my mind because I remember all the extreme confidence I was feeling during my manic episode, so I think my confidence for things is false and I should take it down a notch... I just wanted to write this down somewhere when people understand how I feel.

I understand how you feel. The fluctuation in confidence can be a mind-bender. Mostly, I feel like I am a crappy person and I am not worthy of love or friendships...but then, hypomania hits and I am all sorts of awesome! It is annoying and confusing to not have a decent sense-of-self, at least in my case. One foot in front of the other, ya know? I hope your new mood stabilizer helps you more than the old one.

for some people it takes years to come out of depression, i should know we can compare our overconfidence to "grandiose delusion" but i think for this low confidence there is no fancy name given yet...

I've had low confidence for 5 months now. It comes in spurts when I'm happy and actually feel good about myself. I too feel the reason to question my friends for still liking me. I really don't have too much to say and when I do, it comes out in a tone that's not very confident. I am quite. I don't know if it's a result from psychosis or if it's just because I'm unconfident and at times depressed. Definitely know the feeling though, it's not the best.

Yes, I understand. I go through phases where I'm dirt and then suddenly I'm the smartest person alive and I can't believe I have to deal with such insignifcant idiots, that's the range for me... Super Genius or stupidist woman alive... and all in between.

Also, when I'm up in Super Genius mode I also feel very powerful. That I will take over the world or be the best at whatever I am currently doing. Little do I know I'm usually making a huge mess....

Try to concentrate on study for exams. And try to lower your expectations
of others a little. It might help to keep you calm. As for your own high
expectations of yourself, I'd try hard to keep those moderately stable, too,
because that's how you're going to be able to concentrate on studies--and
it's impossible to concentrate on more than one thing at a time (and do it well).

Your psychiatrist sounds like a very considerate and helpful one. Follow his advice
and you should be fine.

Best wishes for good grades on those exams and for relaxing time afterwards.

I would feel sad if noone understood the feeling, but I'm even sadder that more people are going through the same...
I too feel like I'm smarter than everyone else at times. And it's so tiresome listening to them, their supid questions or comments, their presentations, whatever. I feel like I'm the best in my class and then in my projects I fall behind. I try to do everything in the last minute. Anyway, thanks for your replies, I hope we all feel better soon.