Just Existing, Not Living, Wasting Years

I feel the same way. This is my first post, just joined but this definitely saddens me. I have two young children and should be savoring every moment but I don't. I just am present.

I hate wishing for death but I find myself doing so more each day. I have all I could wish for but a brain that can't appreciate it. I'm sorry for your pain, I wish everyone's could dissapear....

I'm getting a very different feel for your thread since your OP.

I know what its like to be trapped inside your own head, to act severely depressed, but not really feel it, almost like a bad habit...

I too found it frustrating, wanting to engage in life but not being able to. The first time it was my meds keeping me too low and I returned back to the land of the living as soon as I fixed that. The second time, I was emerging from a year long severely depressive episode, but like I said, old habits die hard.

It took me a few months to learn how to not behave in a depressed manner any longer. It took lots of little pushes and making myself feel uncomfortable, but I eventually got the hang of being engaged in life again.

I'm glad I was so persistant, and that it helped me, the alternative was like watching myself die in slow motion.

I hope you find a way out soon, because your posts don't sound like someone who's "naturally depressed" or someone who's ok with being depressed. You sound like someone who wants more from life, I hope you get it.

I too have been in deep dark depressions. They are horrible, just awful. I wish I had the magic answer. They are so bad that u can't move. It's every winter for me. What I have done is let it pass. Try and remember that u don't always feel this way. Try and think of good days you've had in the past. And sometimes I have just given myself permission to feel awful. Then I don't feel like such a loser.

I started taking latuda recently and it has done wonders. Meds can't fix everything, but for me at least I need them in that dark depression.

I hope I was of some help.

You have to find a way to want to live again and then start doing it in any way you can. Finding the motivation. Doing. That's life. I like what Trippin2.0 was saying about learning not to behave in a depressed manner.

I heard another quote the other day. "You can't be pitiful and powerful at the same time."

I feel like this often. I look at other people my age and younger and see the things they've done with their lives and kick myself for not being where they are. I think I have no purpose, but I really do. Everyone has svadharma, a Sanskrit term meaning one's personal path, way, or duty. We all have it, but we may not know what it is. It may not be apparent. From what I see in my life, mine is to take care of other people and animals; there may be more to it but I don't see it. That keeps me going, slogging, trudging from one day to the next. Don't the Twelve-Steppers say "one day at a time"?

I've felt like I'm just existing, not living, for months now. It is a desperate place to be. I feel like I'm so alone in my depression - - that no one truly understands how miserable I feel. I have to force myself to get out of bed each day because I know I have nothing but a miserable day to look forward to. No matter what I do, I still end up feeling like ****. Sounds pathetic, but that's where I am. I can't keep waiting for the medication to work. Therapy's not helping. I am barely functioning. This is hell.

I.know how you are feeling cause I'm in the same boat. I feel like my life is just passing me by and I can't find purpose. You aren't alone in yr depression! Please know that. Are you working on past issues that may help you understand where yr at? I mean what are you working on in therapy? Sometimes it helps to focus on things you can do to feel better. On a good day I shower and get ready for the day. I did this today and it helped me a little. Maybe try and go for a little walk. Even if it's just a block or two. Fresh air helps. Open up yr Windows. I'm so sorry yr struggling so much. Be easy on yr self ok? Don't put yr self down for being depressed. Hugs

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Take the prospects! At least one of them. Then, see what happens. You can always say "thanks, but no thanks" later.