[Happy Camper]

I edited the original post because I hate writing walls and few people read them. Can't change the thread title. Basically I'm diagnosed bipolar but I'm pretty sure I steered the doctors or even manipulated them for the diagnosis because in some sick sense I felt like I might feel better knowing what to call it. Well, psych meds simply don't work and my moods for the most part aren't really consistent with bipolar disorder (except for the occasional flare up every couple of years).

I have a lot of problems coping with stress, getting triggered and feeling suicidal, rapidly shifting from extremely good moods and extremely bad moods (often short lived), etc. My "major depressions" which I haven't had in years are mostly cognitive, set off by stress and with no ability to cope I just internalize it all and convince myself of the futility of life just to keep moping along, though I can't stress enough that those depressions felt like a change in attitude and perspective, rather than with the physical symptoms and drug responsive chemical imbalances you see in normal and bipolar depression---I did not wake up depressed, rather it came to me as soon as I started thinking about it. I'm not even convinced I've ever had bipolar hypo/mania, but I've had mood swings that superficially resemble them.

I was going to let this topic die but I'd appreciate any posts.

[Victoria'smom]

I found this helped me explain myself but you have to download it. It took me 8 years to find anything that helped me. If your insurance covers it or you have the cash get a re-evaluation with a neuro-Psychiatrist.

[Happy Camper]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I found this helped me explain myself but you have to download it. It took me 8 years to find anything that helped me. If your insurance covers it or you have the cash get a re-evaluation with a neuro-Psychiatrist.

I'm still waiting for my neuro psych test to get scheduled. My pdoc put in the referral but he said it was going take a while, possibly months.

At this point I'm convinced that I'm a quiet borderline. I've never really had bipolar problems---mild to non existent really, just poorly regulated thoughts and emotions that in turn effect my mood, sometimes good usually very bad. The bipolar assuming I even have it is like a sideshow but gets all the attention.

[Victoria'smom]

It is possible to be both. You may want to ask pdoc to do a trial of non medicated, and look for a dbt therapist.

[Happy Camper]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

It is possible to be both. You may want to ask pdoc to do a trial of non medicated, and look for a dbt therapist.

I haven't been on medication for just over a year. The last two pdocs haven't tried to put me on medication again because I get such horrific side effects and the ones I could take do not change anything. I've had plenty of disturbing thoughts and emotions, mood swings etc. but this was all going on before I started the medications, and has been long after I've stopped.

I was needlessly hospitalized earlier this year, in part because it's easy see bipolar in someone's records and attribute any struggles they're having to an illness that was never even diagnosed under a proper clinical assessment. Sometimes my judgement escapes me and I said something grandiose and just like that got sent away to the looney bin. Anyone as isolated and deprived of human contact and in need of a reality escape is going to come off as strange if they start questioning what's real and don't give a damn about how they sound.

I don't know...sometimes I think I sound like a whacko in denial, sometimes I think I'm begging for attention but don't deserve it, sometimes I think I'm just in a hole and need to stop thinking.

I am in a similar situation to you. I had severe depressions in my 20's and agitation and irritability along with impulsive behaviour. I also had periods of bliss and elation etc. My Doc had suggested I might be bipolar after I came in paranoid, depressed and in tears that there was discoloration in various parts of my body. Obviously having psychotic symptoms as well then a few weeks later I was perfectly fine.

I didn't believe him until I saw the pdoc who made an initial Bipolar diagnosis. The words were ''his condition falls on the spectrum of bipolar disorder because the mood changes are significant and affect his functioning.''

This was later changed to Borderline Personality Disorder after more investigation. From reading about the conditions it seems some Borderlines may fall on some cyclothymic temperamental subtype of bipolar which may respond better to psycotherapy than medication. There are also many alternative type therapies you can try also which have helped me.

I am unsure which I am still because I have periods of elated bliss which are a defence against disruptions in my early attachments which dont appear to be Borderline. As said above you are best discussing it with your pdoc. The only thing to be wary of is that if you do think you are getting better and have another episode of elation or depression you may have to start all over again.