Emotional Shutdown

I use up a lot of energy doing things that I think must seem like your normal, every day activities to the "normal" person. Grocery shopping, going to work, driving my car without crashing into things (somedays more successfully than others, sadly), taking care of my daughter.

I'm sure most people put up with FAR more than I do. I don't even take my daughter to her gymnastics or swimming classes. I told my sister in law and mother in law that tomorrow I want to take her to finally get her 2 year pictures taken (mind you, she turned two about 3 months ago), knowing full well that they'd want to go, because I know that going by myself would just be a panic attack waiting to happen.

I mean, **** I'm just a huge loser.

I haven't taken her to the doctor since before she turned one. THAT makes me feel like a huge embarrassing failure. But this week I did finally schedule an appointment when I was feeling particularly motivated yesterday. I mean, *I* can go to a different doctor every damn week, but I can't find the time to take my child to a doctor once every 6 ****ing months? How much of a loser am I?

I'm just tired. My pdoc told me to try the Trazodone tonight... I think I'll take him up on it and hope that for the first time this week, I can get more than just a few hours of sleep.

I'm just beat down. Did you ever feel like you spend SO much time over reacting, and over feeling emotions, that sometimes you just have days where you're so very empty that you couldn't feel anything if you tried?

I need to sleep. I'm sure it's just in my head and I'll feel like a idiot tomorrow.

Hello, I can say that simple tasks take a lot of energy out of me. I have a hard time working and I even work from home. It takes a lot of energy to get out of the house and to deal with my children. Luckily I have a wife he helps me out and keeps me from getting overwhelmed.

please don't beat yourself up Nessa. Be gentle. You do need good sleep. I hope the trazadone helps. have you tried it before?

No I haven't taken it before. He wrote the script on Tuesday but he actually told me to wait until Friday when I didn't have to work the next day since it has a tendency to end with a "hang over" in the morning. He told me that I should wait to "experiment" (his words) with it. So that makes me nervous.

Not sure why... I mean, I've had my fair share of hangovers... in fairness.

I think he gave good advice only because it MAY cause a grogginess, so taking it tonight w/out having to worry about grogginess tomorrow is a good thing. I really hope you get some relief with it.

You're not a loser!

I definitely over-react, over-think and over-analyze to such a degree that I wear myself RIGHT out. If I wasn't so worn out when it happens I'd probably laugh at myself for being so ridiculous!

And not sleeping definitely does a number over on you in every manner.

I think getting your family involved in going for the photo is a great idea to help you handle a situation that is stressful for you!

Is there any chance that you could schedule appointments for your daughter on like, the same day that you have your own appointments? Then you could go to one appointment first before the other one. (Then again... unless you were ok with taking her into your appointment with you then you couldn't really do that)

I have reminders on my phone to scheduled appointments. You are not a loser, you do far more then most. Of course you feel empty, your tired. It happens to the best of us.

Did the Trazodone help ????

It DID help me sleep for 8 solid hours. Which I really don't think I've done... hold on, let me consult my mood chart... uh... a month.

But I kind did feel like crap in the morning. And I know WAY couldn't have driven. My mom tells me that she takes it every night. I literally don't know how that's even possible!

When I took it, by the third night things leveled out.
When I talk to my therapist about what a horrible mom I am for not taking better care of my son's teeth he says, " when people are f-ed up, not everything gets done."
Very true!

I think you will get used to it. I took a similar med, and it took awhile to get used to it. I am so glad you got some sleep!

Ahhhhh Sleeep ! I am happy for you. Try to remember you are probably going to get use to it and you won't have the issues in the morning. If you haven't sleep well for over a month it's going to take getting decent sleep for a week or more before you really are going to notice a change in all your moods and functioning better daily.

Try and hang in there and allow your body and mind to soak up actual sleeping well