New Me

It's time ladies and gentleman. I am changing who I am to adapt to this adversity. My psychotic break really shook me to the core and took away my socializing ability and confidence. If I could socialize I would be be confident lol. If that works vise versa we will find out haha.

Anyway I am going to fake it till I make it. Eye contact and learning to not care again what people think. I use to not care what people thought of me and I said what I wanted. Now I have to not care what people think and say what I want, but only say less because that's all I can do for now. I am tired of being this desperate man searching for his lost identity. My philosophy is if you lose something, it was old anyways and time to build new. Some core factors can remain in the outline of the personality, but overall the task is to be happy with the man I am today.

I can't change what happened to me. I can only change how I live the rest of my life. Either searching for answers that aren't there or searching for new opportunities with a new me. I've said it before and I'll say it again a million times until I'm in full force. Thank you, thank you very much!

In psychology class when I was a teen my teacher had an egg on his desk made of ceramics. The outside was labeled "You." It was full of holes. Inside was another egg covered in random things. One was spikes, one was soft, one was shinney, etc. Lots of things looking out.

He said the outside is the surface people see. The inside is all the things that make you who you are, and if people take time to look, they can see what's in there.

I always take that with me. I hope it made sense, I'm sort of off today (as you can understand!)

You'll get there. You didn't lose who you were. You just have more going on underneath than you did before. It's okay.

I've reread your post three times, Mr. Radio, and I'm so inspired by it! I've read the previous ones and even remember commenting on the first. Now look at you and the progress you've made! And in making it you've helped me more than you can know. My psychotic break, and the severe mania and depression that accompanied it, has forever altered me. That was almost four years ago and I've been grieving for the self I've lost almost ever since. But like you, and with what you're about to do, I changed my mindset just a few months ago and vowed to give myself a life again.....a new and different one.....but one that works. I've told my online friends that I'll never be 100% but I'm closing in on 80. And that's good enough for me! Thanks so much for your message, Mr.Radio. It actually made me soar. All my best......grey

That's an excellent outlook Mr. Radio!

And remember, at the times where you feel yourselef wavering or struggling with your resolve, come and vent here and we'll all listen.

I'm so glad that you are sounding hopeful again and almost looking forward to meeting the new you. I think "re-inventing" ourselves comes with bipolar but we actually learn more about who we were, take what we like and shape it to fit the "new" self.

Good for you man! I just started reintroducing myself into society after a long bout of hermitism (I may have just made up a new word) partly self imposed for sobrieties sake but mostly because I was in a deep depression that lifted a month or two ago. It felt really good to be out and about and amongst the living (I work nigts so I was hardly getting any human interaction there). I think for almost everyone, bipolar or not, meaningful human interaction is key to proper mental health.

I felt better than I ever have , more confident and outgoing than I can remember (without downing a fifth of vodka that is) and I think it's because the current combo of meds is working and I've been working the REBT (a form of CBT) steps I learned in rehab. Part of that was "fake it till you make it". I tried to act like a confident, outgoing guy and I became a lesser version of that guy I was trying to be. I'll never work a room like Bill Clinton or anything but I have gotten better.

Anyway, I hope you continue to feel better!

I'd done a major re-invent after my overdose when I was 15. I started the process when I was 16, and it was little changes that I made gradually to the point that now, at 28, I can see I'm such a different person.

It took a while to start noticing that I was actually being successful in the changes though, and sometimes I'm still surprise by them. For example - a few weeks ago I ran the Talent Show at my school. I got a lot of compliments afterwards about how excellent I am up on the stage and a lot of my coworkers were surprised when I admitted that I had winged every single thing I said. Ten years ago you would have never caught me up on a stage running something like that by choice! (although I was always pretty good if I got forced into things like that). And here I was volunteering for it and I had a great time!

I started out slow though - I started out by learning how to admit to friends if I wasn't feeling very happy, or by trying new foods and things - I set various challenges for myself over the years to work towards doing (such as going to watch a movie at the cinema by myself - I accomplished that at age 25! or by going to a restaurant by myself - completed that at age 20).

I found breaking it down into a lot of smaller goals made it wayyyy more satisfying - and if one proved harder than expected (I still haven't met them all!) then maybe I'd end up meeting a different one and I could celebrate about it!

Fantastic posts here! Gaining support from this site and all of you is a wonderful thing. Gives one some peace of mind. I am happy to hear that my post has helped and it's good to hear how well everyone is doing.

I think it's just amazing how being bipolar can change our lives so drastically. The depression is something that I haven't truly experienced yet. How the mighty fall. In one of my favorite movies "Why do we fall Bruce? So we can get back up?"

I use to think I would go out and concur the world. Start out in social media and then work my way over the airwaves on radio stations. I thought about playing music for a living over the radio.

Now I am thinking that I could start working on becoming a nightclub DJ. Don't really have to say too much, just know my **** and play new and relevant music. It's a hard road, but hey, nothing in this world comes easy.

My life at the moment consists of rediscovering myself, drinking coffee, playing good music, reading, and facing the world with what I got left. Stay tuned.... Mr. Radio is currently taking a break lol

Great thread, Mr. Radio!

Do what you are passionate about! That's the key.

You could even go into making mixes, kind of like mr suicidesheep. Soundcloud is awesomeeee.

Come to think of it. I kind of needed a new me for a long time. I originally thought I was progressing before my break.... But I was only becoming a self-centered, arrogant, irritable, ***, who was only concerned with himself. This experience has really been humbling to me and in a way it put me in my place. If I want to succeed I'm going to have to do it with hard work.

go go go, look forward, be strong, u can do it!!!!!!! Its time to live a life u deserve, , I wish u well, and total happiness

I like to think that we're all rather like phoenixes... because goodness do we ever destroy ourselves on a regular basis.. and yet... ultimately we come back better and stronger in some way or another!