afraid of psychosis/trauma stuff, long

First of all if u are an AA member please move on and don't comment. I don't trust u and will block u if u contact me in any way.

I was forced into AA at a young age and was emotionally, spiritually and sexually abused by other older AA members. When I would go to the women in AA for help they would say what's ur part? I was always blamed, it was horrible.

In AA u always play a part even if u were raped, etc. That is NOT true.

Right now this is getting national attention, AA refuses to make it safe for the pretty, young girls and guy's they encourage to be in their program. 1st, 2nd and 3rd degree pedophiles are sent to AA everyday as well as rapists and murderers. AS refuses to make safety guidelines for the teens, etc. Aa in Australia has made safety guidelines regarding predators ns well as great Britain. US AA refuses too do anything and even had a ex board member write up a 7 pg letter describing all the abuses he saw and was told about. They did nothing. Ppl are being raped, molested and even murdered by fellow AA members. Oh it just makes me so sick.

I get really obsessed with this and have ended up in the hospital over it. But right now US that have been working to have this brought to light are getting recognized. How do I take care of myself through this? How do I monitor the amount of time I dedicate to this? My bipolar and PTSD seem to feed off each other. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

I'm here only for support. I would have posted on the PTSD forum but have been encouraged to post here by some wonderful ppl that belong to this forum.

Allow yourself to dedicate two hours a day to it, same time every day, set an alarm. Try to catch yourself if your getting lost in it at other times. Make sure you are eating properly, and sleeping well. Seriously think about sleeping meds. Try to have a list of people you can call if you need grounding day or night.

I'm on sleeping meds. Visteral and lorazepam at night. I'm still struggling with sleeping. maybe I should call pdoc?

you may want to see if you pdoc can add a non-benzo anti anxiety medicine that's probably why you can't sleep. is there any way that you can also up the amount of therapy to give you the coping skills to deal with the stressful situation.?I don't think there's any amount of coping skills that can truly make this better but any little help and the little bit is better. I'm sorry.

I don't think I can up the therapy. I think I need to be very careful about going on the blogs and websites exposing this organization. It is really hard to see news stories about more and more ppl that have been raped and molested etc.

I feel like I shouldn't have posted this, I feel very exposed.

I'm gonna call my pdoc tomorrow and really try and make sure I eat. I feel very alone

if you need to unplug internet and focus on solely yourself.

If your thoughts are all about the abuse you went through with AA .. Step away for any and all things AA right now , Just don't wirte or blog . If its just over taking your life , shove it out and fill it with something that will offer comfort .

Yeah I'm obsessed over this. I need to just do my trauma work on this. the other ppl working on exposing this don't have bipolar or PTSD. I'm starting cognitive processing therapy regarding all this. I need to just focus on what happened to me for right now. It's really scary starting this trauma work. But I have got to stop this from taking over my life.

I slept through.

That was weird that posted wrong...

I'm so sorry for what they did to u, and people allowing it & blaming u who should've been protecting u. I only recently able to talk/write about a sexual assault from when I was a young teen. It was the stories in the world news coming out about girls who've sui'd after rapes. Finally they're starting to convict the boys who do this. If it happened to me and I never spoke up, I think about how many more there are out there like me. Abused, afraid to speak out because the judgment like it was my fault for kissing him. I got pretty obsessed with following the news stories and joining groups to help stop it, the stigma & judgment.

I agree with MM - 2 hours a day is plenty. The other hours need to be about other things or it will consume your life and get in the way of actually living your life. Unplugging is also good for a break.

Please try not to worry about saying too much on here. I get anxiety sometimes like I said too much, shared my secrets, now someone might use it to hurt me somehow... Those are our safety barriers. But we are anonymous mostly unless we really trust someone. So you should be able to feel safe here. And if anyone's mean to u we'll rip em a new one. And block them.
A child who's been assaulted is a victim of a crime. That's your part in it, that's ur only part in it. Period.

Yeah I'm doing trauma work and im only going on the blogs for short periods of time. Thank you to all who were supportive and kind. It really means a lot to me.

Lots of crying lately but I keep telling myself, if I survived the abuses I can survive the recovery from them.

I hope everyone is well.