Does BP make you clingy in a romantic relationship?

My girlfriend and I just broke up after a 7 month whirlwind relationship. I don't think it's completely over, but the ball is in her court. Here's a mini-recap (it sounds like a movie):

We met in Vietnam last Christmas and decided to go on a 10-day motorcycle trip through the country. Nothing happened during the trip itself, but we definitely started to like each other.

On what was supposed to be our last night in Vietnam, we shared a quick kiss in a park about an hour before a taxi was supposed to take her to the airport. In that ten seconds, someone stole her purse. Which contained both of our passports So we ended up in Vietnam for another week and fell in love.

She lives in Germany and I live in Dubai, so between January and July she's been able to spend a total of about 2 months in Dubai, and I've spent about 3 weeks in Germany.

In the beginning, everything was perfect. We skyped for hours every day and messaged in between. As time went on, she got busier (not her choice.. work and exams and stuff) and had less time for me. This made me cling to her more tightly, which in turn pushed her away.

I was supposed to spend the summer with her in Germany, but we really didn't think it through. I arrived as she was starting to cram for her final university exams. My expectations were that we would spend some great quality time together, since we hadn't seen each other in more than a month. But she was too stressed with exams to give me much time, and became even MORE stressed when I started to express my moodiness/neediness/clinginess.

Anyway, a few more things occurred and we ended up breaking up. Sorry for the long story.

I'm mostly just wondering if other BP people out there feel this clingy insecurity, and how they deal with it. I know that everyone says you need to love yourself first, be independent, blah blah blah. But I don't have a strong relationship with my family and I'm a bit of an introvert. When I get a girlfriend, she tends to become a LOT to me. I need to work on this so I don't suffocate her. And by the way, I told her about my BP a week after we met, and she bought some books about it and was incredibly supportive for the first few months. I think I just wore her out by the end.

Thanks for your thoughts,

- Daniel

Long distance relationships are hard. I've been in a few. Never, ever, again am I letting myself get walked over like that.

I can be quite needy, but it's because I have trouble finding a middle ground between disclosing EVERYTHING and keeping everything to myself like I normally do. All my insecurities come crashing in on me and I get worried over everything.

I don't attribute that to my bipolar at all. I attitribute it to abandonment issues which I've accumulated through my family and my experience with others.

The ups and downs just don't help things, but they're not the cause of any sort of neediness I might display sometimes.

No, I am not clingy in relationships. I was when I was a teen, but that is normal I think. I don't have much contact with my family either, but I don't think that matters.

The anwer is no.

Neediness is a Borderline trait, not a bipolar one.
That being said, you may just be high maintainence and expecting her world to revolve around you because yours does her.

Cool, thanks all for the feedback.

I think because I don't have much contact with my family, and no real support group (until now, hopefully!), I was burdening her too much and expecting her to carry too much weight when it comes to my mood swings, etc. Hopefully we can give it a second shot soon and I can adjust my expectations.

Just, in short, no I don't think clinginess or the like is a characteristic of bipolar disorder. I think it's an issue you perhaps have with close relationships. In any case, I wish you the best of luck!

I agree with the above. I drove off a couple ladies early on in my years with the clingyness and neediness, but I think that had to do with self-esteem issues, not necessarily my bp2. But those breakups all had to do with my drinking too (**** almost every time I was the one getting broken up with). Looking back (and according to T) the drinking had quite a bit to do with the untreated anxiety and bp2. So who the hell knows?

I agree with Trippin' -- that's a borderline trait.

In answer to your question, I'm not clingy. (Me: bipolar, yes. Borderline, no.)
I love to do things together and am very devoted, but do stuff by myself all the time (not simply things like going to see music or eat, but also things like international travel and solo driving of thousands of miles).

To compare/contrast with your situation, I also have no relationships with family except my sister, who lives 3,000 miles away. I'm an introvert too. Like you say, the other person becomes a LOT to you, and I can relate to that, but for me, never in a suffocating way.

The only time I wear them out is when hypomanic, lol. It's like hanging out with Tigger. Only worse.

I don't think clingyness is a characteristic of bipolar, but she may have associated clingyness and bipolar with you. I don't know about other people, but I definitely try to keep my BP underwraps with people. I don't disclose until they're hooked and even then I don't really come out with it. They just kinda figure it out or assume Im moody. I mean if you bipolar you're SICK and if your SICK your needy/clingy etc. I don't think women want that in the beginning, feel like they want that later. That sort of maternal thing... I can take care of you etc. That being said, I definitely latch on and leach, but act like I don't need anything. GL my friend.

I think the clinging to your partner depends on where the relationship stands. In my case anyways. I know that when my husband and I were younger teenagers we had split up for a few months abd he was seeing anither girl. When we got back together I was very clingy which wore off throughout the years as I wasnt concerned w her anymore. Fast firward 15 yrs we are in a situation that my husbands best friend is dating her and we have to find a way to get along because I didnt want my husband to give up his frienship over her. So we are hangibg iut in the same places now and I feel that need to cling to him again. Weird I know because I have 0 insecurities w this girl but somehow I feel like she needs to see things are good w us. Anyways its just still a awkward and new situation so hopefully things will get back to normal...

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It is good that you can see that the neediness is affecting your relationships, but I don't think that it has to do with bipolar like others on the board. It is more likely a result of interpersonal relationships with your family or others earlier in your life. Being aware is the first step. Maybe you can work on slowing things down in your relationship or talk to her about it (even if things are over to learn from the experience) and also maybe you might find someone who is better fit next time. Good luck!

I'm really thankful for all of the responses!

Whether it's a BP issue or not, it seems like I've found an incredibly supportive community here, which is just what I need at this point in my life. I look forward to being a source of encouragement for the rest of you as well.

- Daniel