[Last Laugh]

Why is it that when I go crazy, he just cranks up the stress: staying out with friends, avoiding me, not helping with kids, criticizing, etc.

Ok, I understand, it sucks being around me sometimes. But he is doing the opposite of what might calm me down!!!!

2 hours of sleep. Gonna be a fun day. Ugh!

[Victoria'smom]

When your health you need to sit down and make a plan with him. How old are your kids? Would he be willing to put a plan to use?

[avlady]

Maybe he just can't handle your illness and doesn't mean to be the way he gets when you're sick, but just needs to get away, even though that is not a good idea, but that is just how he copes with it

[Nessa213]

I pretty much could have written this post.

I also think, for me personally at least, it's that the stress of HIM being out like that and having to take care of my daughter and the house completely by myself is the nerve-wracking part. It's not really a case of "I'm stressed out so he avoids me". More like "he avoids me and then I get stressed out".

[manymiles]

That's painful. It's really tough when those we rely on are not available to us is ways we need.

Not helping with the kids and criticizing are tough. The going out with friends and going away could (or could not be) the whole "I thought you needed to be alone so I gave you space, thought I was helping you thing." I don't know

At any rate. I agree that talking to him may be useful. Also I think it could help to lean on friends or others if that is an option for you. Glad you reached out here and I wish you well.

[Trippin2.0]

Your husband is a prime example of why I keep my BP and my BF separate!

It drove me nuts when he would retreat, or be the opposite of what I deemed supportive. Not thinking that he is also being affected by my crazy, directly, and he may need space from me and my turmoil. I mean, he was after all even less prepared for this than I was! LOL

I can honestly say our relationship has improved drastically since adopting this strategy, and my daughter is always a gem, she gives me extra "me-time' when I'm all bipolar

Husband & kids are definitely trickier though, there's a different dynamic in your household, and some people really want their spouses involved to hold their hands and help out. There's absolutely nothing wrong with seeking support, as long as we don't hold someone else hostage IMO

I strongly suggest you think about what it is (in detail) that you want / need from your husband during these times. Make a list, and discuss it with him, then he can see where he falls short, and if either or both of you are being unreasonable in your requests / responses, you can discuss calmly.

Good luck, I hope things calm down soon.

[faerie_moon_x]

I find this to be true with some people. If you tell them you're not well, they suddenly go into mode to aggrivate you even more. I don't understand it.

[Trippin2.0]

Maybe they want a "license to be unwell"?
Idk, I have no answers for that particular issue

[Last Laugh]

Thanks guys! Glad I am not alone. I like the idea of formulating a plan. Might be challenging... But better than alternatives!

What kind of plans do you have in place?

Things that come to mind... having a bipolar check-in call every few hours while in crisis (this would make me feel loved I think.) Agreeing NOT to make huge life decisions. Get the kids (8 and 4 with special needs) away from the crazy lady. Get the crazy lady into self-care city.

I blazed through the day in "hypo-drive" and am praying sleep will come tonight!
xox

[Victoria'smom]

• The ability to call ones therapist when's the other is exhibiting unusual behavior that is concerning
• The health person in the relationship is responsible 4 cooking pre-frozen meals that just require being put in the oven
• All dishes and silverware are replaced with the equivalent paper/ plastic product in an episode
• All parenting related issue fall on the health parents. This includes finding childcare and delegate child's responsibility two others when possible.
• Children go to bed an hour early
• Daily list of self care is the only requirement for the day
• Make sure the house is (insert name) proof meaning the person cannot himself purposely or accidentally
• sick parent is required to read a story or watch a movie with children before bed
• Medication and drink will be handed to the person so they do not forget to take it
• Activity bags based on mood will be taken out and readily available

that is just a stat we tend to treat each otherwith tons of respect but the ability of a 3 year old in decision making. one of the major thing is that when in an episode we avoid disciplining our child in a non concrete weigh. Depending on your house hold your 8 year old maybe able to complete more self care acts then given. Like fixing snacks, and doing their own laundry (with laundry soap packs)

[anneo59]

As someone with bipolar as main diagnosis and other past, maybe present diagnosis, and also having some friends, relatives with some similar issues, the chill and lowered expectations factors are essential. Plus, in sixty years of living, I've learned it's a manageable, for most, illlness, just like diabetes, hypertension, etc., and like a lot of life, it's work, serious work, to make improvements. So, just hang in there, take care of yourself, don't overly expect, enjoy the small stuff, etc. The more realistically positive you can engage in, the better. I wish you peace, tranquility, strength, etc, as I know it's not easy. But i see it's not easy for others too. The best!

[Tsunamisurfer]

Originally Posted by faerie_moon_x

I find this to be true with some people. If you tell them you're not well, they suddenly go into mode to aggrivate you even more. I don't understand it.

20 years ago, my wife would find my anxiety and depression very distressing. (The hypomania was cool). She couldn't understand why I couldn't just pull myself together and not get stressed out by work and life. It was selfish and embarrassing of me to practically cave in at social functions. I was seeing a psychologist, and she would get so angry with me. She would fight and put me in a corner (she had a way with words, and I wasn't nearly as sharp when depressed). Then the fight or flight would kick in for me, and the pain was unbearable - we had a volcanic time early in our marriage.

But now, since my diagnosis (as per your point, Trippin), she has been so supportive - she is my best advocate ever. Education and understanding the issues and dynamics have changed the picture for both of us. But the diagnosis put the "official" stamp on it, and kick-started the change.

[Last Laugh]

What type of things are in an "activity bag", Miguel's Mom? My mind is coming up with some interesting ideas. lol