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#1
Aug 13, 2013, 07:17 AM
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Today morning I woke up to "normal" mood after great mood from yesterday (not hypomania, just a general happiness). As we were packing for a vacation, I've got a small argument with my father. Nothing too harsh, but it was painful on my side, as my "defensive coping" wasn't ready after yesterday (as I didn't need it).
This sudden anger broke my mood stability and I fallen to depression again. As I was affraid of causing scenes, I've gone for a walk with my dog. My mood was getting lower and lower to the phase when I was searching for whatever sharp to cut my wrists. But all of sudden I thought to myself: "**** it, I don't even care anymore"; and it was gone. I was feeling normal again, I was happy I've just defeated depression. Too soon. In a few minutes, depression was back (without SUI thoughts, for now). It came to full strenght when I was already sitting in the car, on the way to vacation. Suddenly something bad happened, something unknown for me. I couldn't breathe well, depression thoughts were racing through my head, I had this weird mix of SI and SUI thoughts (I can't explain it very well), I had odd feeling like my lifeline ends at this very moment, tears were pushing to my eyes, I was forcing myself to not scream... It was horrible, and on top of that I was trying to hide all of it so noone would notice. Weird was, that I wanted them to finally know about my problems, but I just couldn't let myself to tell them. Well, not really me, but my old nemesis named social anxiety wanted to hide it. After few minutes it was gone and there was only anger left, but it all repeated after hour or two, then it was gone for good. It was more than three hours ago, I'm feeling relatively normal now, I just wanted to ask you guys, has anyone of you experienced something similar? |
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#2
Aug 13, 2013, 07:27 AM
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arguments with my husband ALWAYS trigger anger/depression for me, no matter what episode i'm in at the time. and they always trigger thoughts of SI. sounds like you had a panic attack - i'm not sure if you've ever had them before but sometimes even if you're used to panic attacks they can come on differently than before. the racing thoughts can be part of that.
you are definitely not alone in this!
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Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
 Morigan
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#3
Aug 13, 2013, 07:35 AM
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No, I've never had them before... But why now for the first time, it wasn't even big argument. Gosh, it's getting worse and worse...
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#4
Aug 13, 2013, 07:39 AM
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my husband can just tell me i need to be more careful with something and it flips me into a short depression/SI episode. you just need to focus on how you handle it, don't worry about whether you're getting worse or not. these things will happen and you just need to learn how to handle it when they do. breathing exercises like counting breaths sometimes help me in a panic attack (not today though).
 i hope you feel better.
__________________
Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
| Unknown Shadow
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#5
Aug 13, 2013, 07:45 AM
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Thank you Wildflower, I will try to fight it next time (but I hope I won't need to
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#6
Aug 13, 2013, 07:47 AM
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Right after a (hypo)mania, it can be common to go right down into a depression.
Being triggered by a disagreement can be enough if you're in a risky state of mind. Sometimes my depression can be come and go - as has been the case recently. If I keep myself busy enough I can even ENJOY whatever I'm doing to at least some extent.. but the moment I let go the depression just rushes right back in (I have to reallllly work to keep my thoughts occupied and busy).
__________________
"The time has come, the Walrus said, to talk of many things. Of shoes, of ships, of sealing wax, of cabbages, of kings! Of why the sea is boiling hot, of whether pigs have wings..." "I have a problem with low self-esteem. Which is really ridiculous when you consider how amazing I am. |
| Morigan
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#7
Aug 13, 2013, 08:21 AM
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I get panic attacks, and they sound a lot like this. something to consider?
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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