dubblemonkey

this one is called "shut"

he will never meet someone!
he can never survive otherwise alone!
he has issues that cannot be discussed...

no professionals have ever come close
he is unbreakable!

this used to be his pride and now it is a curse

locked tight....so tight I cannot even get in!

so with all primitive urge and sensitive value...

do I find can I find a place

while all life flourishes around me can I not be freaking mad!

my illness set me up for this demolished day!

and I will still be ok...

but I don't want anyone else to go through this

I am a rare beast discarded creature a result of natures accident....

this is my portion....everyone gets a piece...

this is mine...and I make of it what I can

the life I dreamed of is shut!

the life I live is but?

this one is called
"scraps!"

all dirt face like the terrible scrap of misery all alive and dead in the dirt....

the crazy survivor so black and malfunctioned

finding a reason to be alive after the death shook me up it's like a sweet and sinister consequence!

it's only safety that grips my live in it's fist and throws me into living again!

I hate this situation....

I imagine all my scraps will keep me alive

and yet I am breathing blood inside me and out!

...it has nothing to do with my life my life has nothing to do with itself

like a phantom.....I cannot die...

all my anguish has passed away..... and I breath this death everyday....

welcome to my distant planet

over the bad moods!!

let things rock and HIT!

there is room for JOY!!

that's all I have to say about that

this one is called "daydream"

and only a sick man can relax in this abundance of craziness!

too many contemplations have made me feel ridiculous!

I have to adjust to this vibration this assault!

I don't freak myself out without the reason

and yet?

all good things have a reason!

I can hold myself in this crisis!..

and I might just slip too!

and the grip is lost

..so it seems!

ridiculous man stays alive....

but he does not want to grip!

it's all too easy to survive!

this one is called "myself"

years have become like days...

this illness has punished me and I have tried to punish everything in my path...

nothing like a shotgun could save me....

and yet this dis-function has omnipotent function!

I'm not about to endorse misery
and yet I am payed up in full

...so?

to be tragic or magic?

I will survive this oblique escape that my brain wants to do

it's not my fault

something is happening inside me

and if I am not here it's without me...

I will be ok

hell I had to try something!

we are all going through everything!

help me here....there is suffering and yet!?...we cope!

misery is like my blood...it flows through me all up and down...

and likewise I sense and taste the same sadness...

here

everywhere

and this miracle sensation this 'happiness'

will forever astonish us...

unless we grip it take hold of it fumble around with it

it exists it is just moments away within reach and asks nothing of us...

happiness is the happiest thing I have never been happy enough to discover...

and yet I survive because of it

my death imminent does not damage my pain anymore...

and likewise my life does not touch me with any shame!

it's all been an abundance of emotion

too much for me too much to see too much too feel

I am happy!

I am so cold in my body and yet my emotions are hot

I am ready to go

I arrived to fast

I am happy

it's ok

I can cry now I am happy

I can go away from this terrible place

I am ok now to go

James

share a joy I never seen.

show me my face that I tried to hide

clear a path for my disaster

...it will destruct all the spaces in between

and then?

I can be happy!

maybe?

can you taste it?

it hurts...! it is the most painful thing ever!

and being ill?

it makes it so much harder

to feel love

and it's such a gift

to love anything

and I always overdo it

I am beginning to believe, at least for me, happiness is more contentment and often comes in moments or short chunks of time. I think if I look for it, it's harder to find! I seem to experience it more often when following daily routines while also making time for a little relaxation. Things help like socializing, helping others, meditation, yoga, getting things done, appreciating the little things in life, counting blessings, gardening, physical activity, reading, music, and getting away for a bit, if only in my mind and in place, etc. Tho there are days I can barely function, I must admit. Just my humble two cents' worth. Just wish I could be more consistent with this process, but guess that's the bipolar and other stuff, and I don't always manage it too well, and am sometimes triggered. Well, I'd imagine many of you can relate, for sure! I wish everyone peace and strength today, and hopefully, some joy!!!!

you are beautiful...

I aspire to be like you

a wonderful person

happiness for me is when I am at peace with everything.

Love this post. I am happiest doing my errands around the property, spending time with the animals, being thankful that I have that opportunity. The happiness is worth the dark times.

the hint of tears
it's too much

stay alive people!

there is much to discover!

there are no stories this time

I am here complete human!

I can interact with you

if you like...

dubblemonkey

Hey James.

hey brother!

you know everything I say takes time?

I'm patient! I know to P.M. you if I get impatient, but this is fun.

yes it is...

http://forums.psychcentral.com/bipol...emonkey-4.html

I can do this with you