Working

How many of you are able to hold down jobs? How long do you last in your jobs? I cant seem to get past 6 months.

I currently have 2 jobs, one a childcare job and the other my dream job (I've had the dream job for 10 years but it is not enough to support me financially). I have just come off 2 weeks medical leave from the childcare job, but my dream job saw that as an opportunity to up my hours since I wasnt working childcare. Now I am supposed to go back to the childcare job tomorrow and I am totally not ready.

My mood is dropping, slowly but I'm definitely going down. I delayed it for weeks but now I have decided not to use that coping strategy anymore and I am getting worse. I have felt flat for about 2 months. I cant get in to see my doctors for 3 weeks and my partner has forbidden me from changing my meds without talking to the pdoc.

I am embarrassed to say I have been avoiding phonecalls from the childcare boss, everytime she rings I freak out and start crying. I havent even replied via text as I worry she will call me back straight away. She is not intimidating or scary in any way, my brain just spaz's out. I dont want to lose the childcare job but I know I cannot go back and work the hours I was working.

I have no idea what to do, do I turn up to work tomorrow like nothing has happened? What if she has replaced me? How do I ask for a reduction in hours?

I have tried disability support services when I have been close to losing jobs but by the time the paperwork gets sorted out, I've lost the job.

Have you thought about what it is about the childcare job that stresses you out? Maybe knowing that would help you work on solving it?

I had a stretch where my job was stressing me out SOOOO much that I was actually getting ill and then having to take about 1 day a week off work (I'm a teacher, but was through a sub agency so I was losing 1/5 of my wage each week as I did not have sick days!) and that was due to both my personal life and being in an episode, but also due to the work stress. When my work stress was alleviated (the headteacher was actually removed) I found it a lot easier to be at work because I actually felt like there was some support there.

With your dream job giving you more hours, are you able to survive off that? I'm going to guess you can't or you would have quit the childcare?

Does the childcare job know you have a second job? If so, why not talk to your boss there about how your dream job is offering you more hours and that you'd realllllly like to have them, but that it would mean having some reduced hours at the childcare job? (Let her know roughly how many hours you want/need to have reduced). It shouldn't hurt to ask her about that, and then you're not even having to talk to her (at least right now!) about the depression and stress.

What if you prepare what you want to say ahead of time (on paper in case you forget things under pressure, like me ... and then call your boss when you are ready? Like set a time of day like Thursday at 10:30am and just make the call. This way you don't have to fear the phone ringing because YOU are in control of the time of the call.

Ask for what you need in a direct but kind way. Explain as much as you want or as little as you want, but identify how much you are willing to share in advance so you don't feel pressured to reveal more than you want to. Prepare some possible phrases that could be used to redirect the conversation in case your boss is asking things you are not comfortable with.

I hope you get the time off that you need.

I actually love the childcare job, it is far far less stressful than the dream job. Its probably the easiest job I have ever had, so I dont know what the issue is with me not wanting to go back yet. I find that on the days I work at childcare I am not able to do much else, it takes all of my physical and emotional energy and I think that is why I find it draining.

Both jobs know about each other and work around each other, the dream job hours are only up at the moment as someone is away but they will drop to nothing over the summer, where as the childcare job ramps up over summer. My boss knows that the majority of my dream job hours are volunteer, so she sees this as time I should be using for paid work. I have told them from the get go that the dream job takes priority but I can never ever say no to my boss when she asks me to work just that little bit more.

It was only 7 weeks ago I had a major crash from being coerced into working 50 hours in a week. I suspected I was mildly hypo at the time but once that week was over I well and truly crashed. I feel like I havent recovered cos since then I no longer enjoy my hobbies and distraction activities.

I will definitely try and tell her I only want to work limited hours but I just dont really see how I am going to do that. I know myself and I know I wont be picking up the phone without being in tears, and I might be catastophizing here but I see that leading to her asking whats wrong and me going on a rant... A friend suggested emailing her but I dont have her email address.

I totally get it. I tend to have the same responses as you, and I'm not really sure how to give you advice! (Because I typically just do what the other person wants too).

Does she have any idea as to why you were off work for two weeks? It was 2 weeks medical leave - so why not just tell her that due to that, you're just wanting to get slowly back in to things and want reduced hours so that you don't overwork yourself and need another leave? Is there any chance that you could tell her that you're feeling stressed out at the idea of coming back and really just need to take things slowly? (ha look at me being a hypocrite, but it's what I'd be telling myself to do too - although I'm not sure that I would do it!)

Thats a really great suggestion, thanks A Red Panda. I have mentioned in passing to her that I have bi-polar but it has never been a problem until recently. I do think she will be understanding if I say I need to work back up to it. Now I just have to MAKE myself call her.

Ahhhhh the horrors of picking up the phone.....

I hate picking up the phone. I often call and hang up a few times before I finally get myself to make a call! (I am getting better at it!)

Good luck!!!!

You got this, Supa! Who knows, maybe your boss will give you exactly what you need and then you can just go on your way!

I wish you luck, I suggest you take some time of if only a few hours a week. You could get burnout, if you don't do something to help yourself cope. A little time off shouldn't be too bad as I see it before it gets out of control

Wish you the best. I am on a medical leave too, and worried about going back in two weeks also!

Thanks for all the support guys!

I text messaged my boss, perhaps not the most professional way but it was the way I could cope with talking to her. No reply yet but I informed her I am not ready to come back yet but do hope to come back once I am feeling a bit better. I am happy for her to take me off the roster and let me do relief shifts until I am back into the swing of things.

Now I have achieved all of my goals for today. Do I sit back and enjoy the fact I did it, or do I find new goals to work on? I still have half a day.

Hi! I don't know what you should do, sorry. I'm in a similar situation, I can't work or study because the stress causes my health to deteriorate into constant illness, both physical and mental. I really hope you get the disability or find a way to work enough so that you can live but also not so much that you can't bear the thought of working.

Supanova I hate my job and everyone I work with. But it's a professional job and pays well and I need the money so I put up with it. I suppose I may have advantage over you because I am very good at hiding my feelings, lying, and manipulating as I need to. Still the constant pretending to be nice and like everyone does get to me. I've always held a professional job and can indefinitely unless I slip and let the real me out and blow it. That happens occasionally but not very often. I can hold a job for average 7 years. Pretending, faking, acting and hiding my true feelings is a full time job and very stress full. Perhaps that's why I abuse substances and have a secret life. My point is only you know what your capable of. I can play people for a long time but it does get to me. If your unable to do that you should find some thing less stressful, but if your like me, it won't matter what it is or where because people are my problem not the actual jobs. Good luck to you!

Congrats on contacting her Supernova!! What did you end up doing?? Has she got back to you yet?

Still no reply, but thats ok. She hasnt fired me!

I spent the afternoon doing mindless chores. I thought having this sorted out would lift a weight or make me feel a bit better but I dont. I feel nothing. Im not even anxious anymore, just empty. It honestly feels like there is a void in my chest, it is bizarre.

I think it is super liberating to address and/or conquer a major fear like communicating with your boss (or whatever it happens to be...for me it is speaking in groups). Also, even though you feel empty right now...the anxiety is gone, yah! I hope the situation turns out well for you.

Can you be switched to the school age kids? I know it only gives you an average of 20 hrs a week but it's periodically full time (sumers and school vacations) so it may reduce stress.

I already do school age kids, it before and after school childcare 3- 13 year olds. And I want a whole lot less than 20 hours a week! I have another job to do too and have been assessed as unable to work more than 8 hours a week (although for the last six months I have been working no less than 25 hours a week). Everyone was against me getting another job, I thought I could prove them wrong... so much for that.

Honestly then I'd do one 8 hour day a week, Tuesday/Thursday every other week or get a hold of a bunch of providers and be a substitute provider so that days you aren't up to it it's okay to say no.

By the way, Supanova, your avatar is awesome!

Ahh no offense but all supanova did was send a text message, that's really still avoiding communicating. I would have liked to see her actually talk to her boss. A text message may not be perceived very well from her boss. So no I don't see this addressing the communication issue. She feels empty because of that. She would have felt better actually talking to her boss. And then her boss would understand better. As it is we have no idea what the boss is thinking.

Supanova I would still suggest you talk to your boss.

What you would have liked to see from her is really rather irrelevant though, wouldn't you agree?

If it was still difficult to send a text, then sending one is an accomplishment.

I agree with the first part of your assessment, it is irrelevant what I would have liked to seen.

But disagree with the last part of your assessment, sending a text did not accomplish any thing whatsoever. And was rather easy compared to actually speaking to her boss and facing the actual issue.

I would also like to remind you since we are talking about relevance, what you think is also irrelevant wouldn't you agree?

I didn't say what I think.

Some people have enough anxiety that sending a text IS a difficult thing to do. Sending one CAN be an accomplishment if that is the case, and from Supernova's posts it seems to be as if that is the case for her. And it did accomplish something - it was a way to contact her boss. She hasn't told us yet what or if her boss has since responded since yesterday, so we can't guess how her boss would react to being contacted via text.

I kind of agree with both of you. How's that for equivocation?

Panda is right. I have been in a situation myself where even sending a text was a monumental accomplishment. I would revise it, delete it, start over again, and throw my phone down in disgust.

On the other hand Indie is correct as well. The text message is just postponing the inevitable. Instead of making it easier for Supanova to go face-to-face, putting it off and hiding behind text messages just makes it harder. If I was the boss, I would be strongly tempted to fire the person after the second or third text. But that's just me.

As always, YMMV.