When your creativity gets you in trouble

Hello,

While looking through some posts I saw a few people have experienced what
I´ve put myself through a few times.

Basically I work myself up into a mania that includes getting involved in creative projects that are fantastic when in a mania, but when I come crashing down, I´m stuck with the fallout which is basically a project that needs a highly creative mind at all times.

I´ve just came out of a 7 month mania (I was able to put myself in a creative state through methods I cant access when depressed). During this time I put together many multi-medium platforms that look great to the eye, but need a lot more development with time and money.

I now have a project that is just sitting there and I´ve gone into a funk that has me completely stuck with a mind that can´t produce at the level I need to develop it.

Everyone around me (not knowing my condition, tells me to continue as my work is really good and has high value).

I dont want to quit, but I feel now that Im out of my mania that Im completely delusional and the project is not possible unless I can get back into the state that allows me to produce at a higher level.

I currently in a place where I have to make a decision to bail on something that is incredibly highly developed, but needs that other person to get it to where it plausible for success....or just crawl into a hole and give up and face the facts that my condition has set me up for failure on a grand scale.

I know its hard to give an answer with such little info and understanding, but Im just so stuck and for the past few days Ive basically done nothing but sleep and stare at the computer for solutions that are not there...

I'd try pretending for a little bit. What are you normally like when you're in a mania? What things seem to matter? Where do you THINK you were going with it? What can you remember from your latest mania?

Look at those things... and then go back to the artwork and see what you can do with it. Can you spot any patterns or anything in it that might give a hint towards what was going on with it?

Hi Panda,

What are you normally like when you're in a mania?

I´m super creative and can see solutions to all problems and can create systems that make sense in reality, but are very complicated in nature.

What things seem to matter?

All that matter is my project and work.

Where do you THINK you were going with it?

I thought I was creating ground breaking content that would change many lives.

What can you remember from your latest mania?

I remember everything from my mania...

Ok, Ill give it a try with my work...thanks

Well.... if you remember everything from your mania then you should be able to remember what you were doing with your work, and therefore you can finish it You might not have QUITE the passion and drive with it, but if you remember what you wanted it to look like as an end result, then you can still do that. You still have the creativity and ideas inside you, they just might not flow out as easily!

I understand wayyyyy to well what you are talking about. I am an artist (well teacher by trade but artist by nature), and I only paint at the extremities of my moods. My work is gut wrenching when depressed and synergistic when manic (hypo?). The place that I go when I am manic is not something that I can describe very well other than saying it is a pure interaction with the universe that allows me to funnel and channel some of its infinite energy filtered by my brain, onto a canvas.

I have been left dry by manias past when I am faced with a crash into depression when I am mid-painting. My up paintings are only able to be completed while manic and so I have paintings that wait for completion for 1 year and sometimes 2. I literally cannot access their completion. It is like there is a security door that has been locked and I can no longer get to the piece of my brain that started the painting. Rather than adulterate the original concept, I just wait till that same mood hits me again (usually spring every year). I do the same thing with depressed canvas work but the curve of energy from entering a cycle and ending a cycle is much less pronounced so I can usually sense the end coming and wrap up the painting before I am out of the depression.

Anyhow...I described my experience only to tell you this: wait it out. BP is cyclical, you will be back in the same mindset again and "the answers" may come to you later. Don't scrap your work, set it aside. Go live life and then just remember on that day that mania comes to pay you a visit that you have a project for him/her to help you complete : )

Hi, just wanted to say thanks for the advice.

I took a three week break or so from my project and worked on taking care of myself. I was for sure in a mania and when I came out of it I went into a depression and couldnt work on the project and had to deal with the fall out.

The good news is even though I invested my life savings (this was the second time I did this on this project) I still have a thing of value that just needs more time to develop.

Im going back to work full time and will continue to work on my project on the weekends and other spare time.

Im not going to invest anymore money into as I have the tools I need and I also have many people paid off that I need help from and they are ready to get back to work when I give the word.

Im stable now and complying with what I need to do to be balanced and the key is to stay that way and be aware when I start slipping back into a mania.

Thanks for the advice as they really paid off and taking time off was the best thing to do as now I can see what I have to do from a more sane angle and combined with the work I did when manic I like what I have to work with.

I can relate. I make jewelry and when I'm hypo, I tend to buy $500 worth of beads and other various materials. I make tons of jewelry and by the time I'm done, I'm depressed again and it just sits in a box, untouched. As do the beads and materials that I can't find the energy to do anything with.

Thanks for the update inway!! I'm so glad to hear that you are feeling more stable That is always great news to hear.

[quote=inwaytodeep1;3242210]
I now have a project that is just sitting there and I´ve gone into a funk that has me completely stuck with a mind that can´t produce at the level I need to develop it.

quote]

this is such a good description

your mind can explain itself beyond the "funk"

it can and will be regretful when our brains are not synchronised with the events immediately before us

and then our new project becomes fighting our own self rejection

I believe you are struggling with failure...

when in actual fact you achieved so much and dreams are mistaken for finality and results don't apply when they were there all along

your obvious wisdom suggests to me you can understand your superb brain has simply escaped from the pressure.

it's a survival mechanism...

and the energy in the bipolar brain is truly outstanding

I think I might have drifted a bit here

but how you described it inspired me

I likely will never finish this reply... because of my brain