[Victoria'smom]

I swear I want to scream back "I'm F***ing trying but it's not working". So apparently Miguel has a name for how I'm being. I know it hurts Miguel because any issue he has usually he comes and speaks to me privately. Whether it's he's frustrated with a video game, boy problems , or he's just sad I'm his problem solver.

The fact that I haven't physically harmed anyone is good enough for me right now. Most days I've been wanting to punch my husband in the back of the head, for no reason. I swear I'm pushing him further and further towards suicide. I really don't mean to.

Unfortunately the school year just started so all are fail safes are not available for about a month. I'm trusting my husband less and less to the point my therapist (and you guys) had to tell me to take my PRN before I did.

I have no idea why I'm writing this it's just sad, I'm really trying too.

[gayleggg]

Yes, learning to relax during that state is not easy. Glad you have a PRN to take. I know if I didn't take my klonopin I would drive my husband right out the door. He always seems to be my target when I'm in one of those moods. And you are right, it's just sad. Best wishes to you.

[Amelie10]

I think being a mom is one of the hardest jobs in the world. Even when I feel fine stable and well, I still flip out and yell sometimes. It is not easy, just do the best that you can. You don't have to be a good mom.....just good enough.

Hang in there.

Poor Kids ...

[medicalfox]

Find a hobby that occupies you and calms you, like knitting or drawing to avoid physically harming someone (or yourself). I find drawing to be nice even though I'm not the next van gough. I wish my mom found a hobby like that when I was a kid.

[BlueInanna]

I'm sorry L Was thinking about you and our spoon theory discussion today a lot. You haven't physically harmed anyone that's good - you somehow chose not to waste a "spoon" or 5 on that route. There has to be a way to not spend spoons on the yelling. We're human it happens. You are a good mom and so am I. But sometimes it's too overwhelming, and with hubs recovering from surgery, you need more help. What you told me about the spoons I waste on my hypo activities , thinking i must use up all spoons before they go away , which usually leads me feeling drained & depressed - really got me thinking. There is a huge toll to pay going to the yelling place, ending up feeling like blood is boiling & brain has been electrocuted. Must find a way to avoid it , you can't afford it. I'm worried you're dehydrated , body needs nourishment. You're heart soul & mind need nourishment. Just apologize for the yelling, assure him you love him and will be ok, but mom needs some quiet time. Take the prn. Rest. Get to an endocrinologist when you can. Help is on the way.
You Are a Good & Loving Mama, nobody's perfect, show him hope & healing happen, we all make mistakes. There are healthy solutions & you will find them.

[medicalfox]

For your hypothyroidism, do you know if it's mild or full blown? If it's mild, it is reversible and it would take time for your body to reach homeostasis. You can do some research and look up additional information for hypothyroidism caused by anorexia. The one thing I found throughout other forums is this quote from the NewYork Times:
"People with eating disorders are at risk for hypothyroidism. In these patients, however, reduced thyroid function may be an adaptation to malnutrition and, therefore, some experts think that only the eating disorder should be treated, not hypothyroidism." It would depend on the degree of how much your thyroid is affected, but the first thing your primary care physician is that they may treat your anorexia. I had anorexia when I was a teenager and it was very hard to deal with. I think the thing that broke me from it was antipsychotics since they make me always hungry. I'm normal weight now and I go to the gym to be fit so my meds don't change my weight.

[Victoria'smom]

Amelie10 - thank-you

Pfrog – I know, sad thing is I'm so different when not like this.

Medical fox- I can't concentrate enough, min. seem like hours, I almost broke my ceramic fairy last night trying to paint it, my husband had to pick it up and move it while I was trying to work on it.

C- love you, I know we both are really good mom's. Sometimes it's just so hard to remember when your trying to keep your child safe from yourself. I'm doing good at it though, always have been good at it. I have yet to yell today, I think, I even helped him with math. I think my husbands surgery through us both off but he's almost completely healed. The scary thing is he plans to go inpatient next Wednesday meaning most likely if my crap doesn't change I'll be admitted also.

C, I'm trying to drink the pedi-lyte, but it's hard especially when it tastes so nasty. I'm calling the dr. tomorrow to make sure I'm not just in the low range of normal. If it is in the low range of normal I am not taking that medication. Hopefully that will stop a lot of arguing.

Now good news, I was calm enough to help him with his math work, had my headphones off most of the day, I'm not nearly having as violent thoughts. I had cake w. dinner.

I do want to make it clear that Miguel is safe, I have never and will never lay my hands on him. I am not allowed around him alone when I'm like this anyway. His dad and a cousin is caring for him. Most of my yelling is directed at my husband which is futile because he refuses to engage in any argument when like this.

I am getting parinoid that the AP is making me gain weight even though I'm only taking half 25 mg. Every other day. When do you think I can stop taking it because it's a PRN? T wants it to be an all the time thing.

Medical fox - I read that article too. That's why I'm calling to see if it's just really low normal or actually really hypothyroidism. If it's low but within normal then I will not take it. If it's lower then that I told my husband I'd talk to my pdoc about whether to continue. I've had an ED in some shape or form for 22 of my 30 yrs. My viibryd does make me hungry but it has been made very clear I eat the amount of a toddler

[medicalfox]

If you get off those meds I'm sure your pcp will suggest multivitamins to help reverse the hypothyroidism if it's a mild case. Generally multivitamins help reverse and prevent a lot of disorders such as anemia. Aps can cause weight gain, but so can hypothyroidism. You take such a small dose that I don't think it would affect weight gain, so my guess is your hypothyroidism could be causing weight gain.

[Victoria'smom]

medicalfox- I've lost well over 15 lbs in the 3 weeks I've been on the thyroid medication (Pdoc's going to flip ****). I have always had a stable normal weight like within 2-3 lbs of the base weight since I had my son 11 years ago. It's my twisted, pretty little head that makes me think the AP is going to make gain weight.

[medicalfox]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

medicalfox- I've lost well over 15 lbs in the 3 weeks I've been on the thyroid medication (Pdoc's going to flip ****). I have always had a stable normal weight like within 2-3 lbs of the base weight since I had my son 11 years ago. It's my twisted, pretty little head that makes me think the AP is going to make gain weight.

Omg are you okay? That's not healthy at all and you should contact whomever prescribed that medication to you immediately.

[Victoria'smom]

I'm calling to find out what my thyroid level's were tomorrow. I'm pretty sure my metabolize was shut down for a reason. It was completely shut down when I got my endoscopy. We'll see at most my next weight in is a week away if anything. I'm just hoping I stable out. I'm still in normal range. I think it's just my body ajusting to a working thyroid. So I'm fine with it.

[medicalfox]

I hope everything goes well for you