[dubblemonkey]

...so just for a change I will speak plainly,
no riddles no cryptic BS'

it could be bipolar it could be borderline
they seem to meet in the same spot!

I honestly feel like a fake when I make friends and then I push people away...

something inside me is broken and sometimes the damaged bits come out...

I crave the comfort of intimacy

but for unknown reasons I sabotage it ...

it's such a shame because I do so adore the people close to me

but something inside me is broken about it

and today I feel better off hiding again

it just hurts too much hurting others

that's all

Your friends who care for you understand and are patient with you. They will still be there for you when you want and need them.

[allme]

I sabotage them sometimes too. Sometimes I feel like there is something wrong with them for liking me. Or sometimes I feel like they don't care enough about me. For whatever the reason, I test their friendship and sometimes come up with the notion, in the end, they are no good. However, I have managed to hold onto 1 true close friend and a 2 or 3 'mates' who I can hang out with.

[99 FAIRIES]

I have built walls around my heart as well. I have tried to tear them down...but dont seem to know how.

[mikaakim]

I can very much relate. I sabotage and have sabotaged a lot of relationships. I still try to sabotage my marriage with my wife of 7 years, even though she is my rock...

hang in there. I cant really offer any advice, because i have just started coming to terms and dealing with my mental health, just wanted to let you know your not alone on this.

-hug-

[dubblemonkey]

I need to take a break from people.

I don't trust myself

I thought I was ok and then I hurt someone I care about.

mania is no excuse according to me
despite how bitterly it troubles my brain

it's the least compared with affecting a loved one...

and that's just the thing...

I have to go back to the start like an emotional infant and learn how to care all over again...

but in the meantime I am too afraid to make contact ...
something has broken inside me and I don't understand it yet...
I must apply myself to identify the problem...

even I struggle with this...it's very personal and quite painful

but until I can assimilate the issue I must hide
I don't want to hurt anyone else

[99 FAIRIES]

I'm sorry you're hurting DM

[99 FAIRIES]

But i do like yer car!

[dubblemonkey]

yes its a little ripper..
30 years old and like new
I take good care of it

I am working on the hurting bit
I just had to talk about it
there may be more

thankyou for what you said

[Victoria'smom]

James,

I think a lot of us unintentionally but systematically destroy our closest relationships. I mean it's hard to understand why anyone would want to be around us when we wouldn't even be our own friend. It's okay to take time to mend your broken pieces, true friends and family will wait, give you room, and be their when you come back. Even if you don't feel you deserve them. Please whoever you hurt truly apologize and show them how much you appreciate them but wait until you can handle interaction again. If you need me I'm always on just PM me.

MM

[dubblemonkey]

...thankyou

you wrote something very special and helpful

[pegasus]

(((( buddy ))))