BP and Other Stuff

I have a lot of mental health issues and I sometimes I have a hard time figuring out exactly what is going on with me. Is in my BP or something else?

My family of origin was wrought with of dysfunction. There were a lot of issues there, a lot of childhood pain.

I never liked feeling my feelings. I would do anything not to feel them. When I discovered alcohol that was a great way to medicate. From there boyfriends were also good to fill the void. When all else fails you can eat away your feelings.

For many years I suffered a lot, but it was not until 1998 that I was diagnosed with post-partum depression. I was given an anti-depressant which spiked me into a severe manic episode. That was the first step toward healing.

I got into therapy and dealt with the emotional pain from my childhood. I saw a pdoc and got meds for the bipolar. I ended up in recovery for my many addictions.

I know that some things happen that are due 100% to BP. But I don't think I can blame everything that happens in my life on my BP. There are too many moving parts.

Right now things in my life are going well, really well actually. Now I understand the difference in situational depression and clinical depression. It is a terrible thing to want to die when really you have a good life. That is the confusing thing about mental illness.

Not sure why I wanted to write about this. I felt really sad over the weekend. I'm was not depressed, just sad. I'm grateful today that I know the difference. I am grateful that I have the tools I learned in therapy to feel my feelings. I am grateful that I don't have to overeat or drink to feel better. I am so grateful that I have a good pdoc and life saving meds.

Do you still continue therapy? I think most of use have co morbid issues.

I totally agree, and feel much the same way as you do Amelie.

It hasn't always been this way, in fact, it's only been in the past couple of months that I've finally pulled things together and gotten a look at the big picture. For the longest time, I couldn't tell the difference between being "in a mood" and an honest-to-goodness mood episode.....now I know that not everything has to do with BP.

We are allowed to have legitimate emotions, and we shouldn't let anyone take that away with dismissive statements like "Oh, you're just acting that way because of your bipolar" and "Go take some meds". But we also don't get to blame all of our bad days on the illness either.....it works both ways.

It helps a lot to have good care and the right combination of meds in the right doses. It took me a year-and-a-half to get here, but I'm so thankful that I have a great pdoc and amazing support from family and friends; they're the main reason that I'm alive and (reasonably) well today.

Great to see a post about gratitude. This reminds one of how lucky we are to live in a time when we at least have a chance to get better---a hundred years ago we'd all have been locked up in an institution, or stashed away in the family's attic like a dirty secret.

I am not currently in therapy. I reached a point where I knew what my therapist was going to say about any situation before I saw him. We both agreed that I really didn't need to go regularly anymore. I would go if something came up situationally that I couldn't manage.

Today I go to several recovery meetings each week. These are great for me because much like this forum I can sit in a room who know exactly how I feel. Also in recovery we focus more on the solution than the problem and that is always helpful.

When I'm in a depressed mood, I go more often. It gets me out of myself and I always leave feeling better than when I went in.

Thanks for sharing your story.

Thanks for sharing this. Usually we hear of the downside of the bipolar and how it upsets us and our life. I have to say for the most part I am stable. Other than perpetual boredom, laziness, and loneliness I am pretty much ok.

I am thinking of ending my therapy too, because I have gotten pretty much everything I can get out of it. Unfortunately therapy isn't helping me with my problems anymore because essentially I have no problems.

I don't have to work right now and my insurance is taken care of. I don't have any worries or troubles right now. I wonder what the future will hold for me though because I no longer have any goals or any future plans. That scares me a lot.

But I live with bipolar and I have conquered it for the most part. Thank god for the wonderful pdoc and meds I am on.

I understand your fear around the future. I think a lot about what my life will be like when my kids are gone (they are 12 and 15 now). I try to just live one day at a time and enjoy one moment at a time. Some days that is easier than others.