Does this sound manic?

That's why you go to the front desk, you'll wait to see an intake person they will update your file and then your continue to get FS. Plus I think if you can not get ahold of your Pdoc or T you should go to Psych ER.

I can't call pdoc or t tonight. I called psych ER. They didn't seem alarmed in the least.

I have those (pretty much exact) intrusive thoughts all the time. If I went to hopsital every time I had them I would never get out of the place! They are just thoughts and as long as you can keep yourself away from the kitchen knife you should be ok. Just because you have these thoughts does not always mean you are suicidal. They are very scary and extremely annoying but they dont mean you are have to act on them.

I got advice from here to see the thoughts as an annoying child. That has been working for me lately. They pop up (all the time) and I just try to ignore them or tell them to go away like an annoying child. It doesnt always work but its better than nothing.

I let my husband know this includes: telling him my plan and items I plan to use, I take (or should take) my PRN, if I'm sitting there laughing and joking about it I'm sent to the room and given melitonin, while my husband waits with me until I pass out. While I'm sleeping all those things are hid from me.

Less serious times (he has these too) when it's more of them and less planned then the conversation goes more like: Privately

"Hey I have x ways to hurt (you/me/son)"
"you need to remember as pretty as you think it is it'll be different then in your head (person) will get hurt/killed it's not like your cartoon version. Miguel will be scared of you if you do anything to him. I can't keep you out of jail or the hospital if you do anything. Do you understand?"
"yes...."
" Do you need PRN? You should probably write to T"
Or
Me arguing that he's wrong = PRN given melitonin, while my husband waits with me until I pass out. While I'm sleeping all those things are hid from me.

Spitting PRN at him or refusing = call to T a phone assessment, convincing me to either take PRN or H will have to take me to crisis center.

When I feel well after when I feel well enough I have to write to T.
I know that doesn't help but that's what we do. I'd try to sleep through the weekend if you can go to Psych ER. Because you don't have as large of a safety net.

Thanks. A lot. This is how it is for me.

What are your intrusive thoughts like?

I feel restless today. I don't have anything to post in my blog. I posted a pic of my son on facebook as its his birthday. I'm just sitting here with nothing to do. My kids aren't due home yet. Puh.

ooh! On the other hand, my friend might take me out for mexican. Woot!

Yay for mexican! My favourite food, enjoy it for me, its been a long time since I have been to a restaurant. I hope you can have a good night and the thoughts give you some peace for a few hours.

Thanks. I did enjoy it. Now im using my new tablet. Its a little awkward to type on but I hope the external keyboard works well.

I did hallucinate a cat again earlier. This time, a black cat, inside an office where there would be no cat. Oh well. I'm all clean now and in my pajamas and having fun with my new tablet. The keyboard works pretty well. The keys arent full sized but they work pretty quickly so I'm happy.

What are your intrusive thoughts like?

Images of violently harming myself or others because 'it would look pretty' but I don't generally relies it will maim, scare, or scar them/me.

Thats a bit different than mine.

That's positive then. Though we are all different in our states or streams of thought process. How are you doing. Agreed. Mexican is the best. It's the little things.