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#251
Oct 17, 2013, 10:45 PM
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better than in a while, laughing and enjoying with family members and friend. I actually threw my head back and LLH, don't know as much of that as I used to lately, unfortunately. Maybe more coming, we will c. Also, accomplishing an important goal. All in all, a purposeful, happy day. Although it's one day at a time, well, it's one day at a time!
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 Phoenix_1
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#252
Oct 17, 2013, 10:47 PM
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Still feeling crappy about life in general. Still hate my job, still depressed, and I'm worried about falling asleep behind the wheel because of my meds. I even started taking them at night but it hasn't helped. About 50% of my job is driving, so this is alarming. Even though I fantasize about sui, I'd still never do it and I certainly don't want my demise to be in a car!
__________________
[COLOR="DeepSkyBlue"][FONT="Century Gothic"]Dx: Bipolar II w/mixed episodes, PTSD, Anxiety Disorder, Insomnia Rx: Lamictal 100mg, Zoloft 75mg, Klonopin 0.5mg x1 /0.25 PRN “Insanity is knowing that what you're doing is completely idiotic, but still, somehow, you just can't stop it.” ― Elizabeth Wurtzel, Prozac Nation |
 Blue_Bird
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#253
Oct 18, 2013, 03:39 AM
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Thanks, Anika!
 Heheh, psych said to get more sleep too.What a couple of days. Was on strong verge of crying all day at work Weds. Didn't quite know why. Had psych appt. It was pretty obvious I needed to go back sooner than later. As I didn't have work, I made it for the very next day (today). In the interim? BF launched on me. Even though I knew the diatribe was unfair and loaded with wild exaggeration, it still hurt like hell. Appointment today was hands down the most intense I've ever had. Man, did I ever let go. I am usually very guarded. It was like dominoes. One wall after another crashing. (Crying right now just thinking on it.) I was a mess. It was like I put every fear and insecurity right out on the table. Holy ****. (Maybe not every, but lots. And major.) So, came out dazed, and had to wait awhile to drive. Came home to a warm hug. Did that ever feel good! Then I walked in the door. A bunch of BF's favorite things are off the wall and a shelf of stuff too. I just laid down numb. Now...the meaning is not entirely clear. And I'm really not up to asking. (There are essentially 3 possibilities.) The rest of the day was... not that unusual. Rather unexpectedly so, but a relief for sure, because my mental is exhausted. |
| Anika., Anonymous200280, Blue_Bird, LadyShadow
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#254
Oct 18, 2013, 04:06 AM
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Doing alright, not sleeping well at all though. I get to see about that volunteer job today so that's good
 Also, I started mood charting, printed them out from http://www.psychtoolkit.com/uploads/...v_06-24-11.pdf. I think it will be interesting to see mood patterns and different factors that affect them.
__________________
“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi Diagnosis: Schizoaffective disorder Bipolar type PTSD Social Anxiety Disorder Anorexia Binge/Purge type |
| LadyShadow
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#255
Oct 18, 2013, 04:11 AM
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Lost a love interest tonight, he wasn't my type but I kind of was liking him. He ended it though because I never want to talk about sex. LOL. Good riddance! The mania is settling in anyway. Its 5 am and I'm still awake!
__________________
Tales of Love, Motivation, and An Interesting Journey - Please Subscribe to my Website on WordPress: Inspired Odyssey's Journey of Grace, Grit and Starting Again |
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#256
Oct 18, 2013, 07:24 AM
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still have aniexity but tpoc finally gave me xanex on an as need basis.. been on vacation all week been up and down, had a tooth pulled yesterday,,, not looking forward to going back to work ,,t was reason got xanex, argued with tdoc for me as an avocate , she is a good kid and will be my savior if I ever get right.
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#257
Oct 18, 2013, 09:12 AM
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I'm doing alright today. Feel kinda like a loser though. It's my birthday today and I turned 29. I don't have much to show for my life. I thought I'd be so much farther along in life. Stupid bipolar. I was talking to my mom on sunday, and she was talking about how my cousins kids are disappointments, and I asked her if I was a disappointment, and she said "not all the way." Thanks mom, for thinking so highly of me.
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| Anonymous200280, Anonymous45023
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#258
Oct 18, 2013, 09:22 AM
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For the first time in 3 days I am actually awake before 5pm...I got up by 930am today, wow! Lets see if I can stay up today. I think I have an ear infection and my dog wet herself last night. booo. fun times all the time.
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#259
Oct 18, 2013, 10:26 AM
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having 1 of those days where everything (words, actions, songs) seem to trigger the bad thoughts- and they are really bad today
i just emailed laura asking her to come online because i'm just not coping- and i really don't knnow what i will do with myself. feeling so blah |
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#260
Oct 18, 2013, 10:35 AM
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Quote:
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk - now Free
__________________
[COLOR="DeepSkyBlue"][FONT="Century Gothic"]Dx: Bipolar II w/mixed episodes, PTSD, Anxiety Disorder, Insomnia Rx: Lamictal 100mg, Zoloft 75mg, Klonopin 0.5mg x1 /0.25 PRN “Insanity is knowing that what you're doing is completely idiotic, but still, somehow, you just can't stop it.” ― Elizabeth Wurtzel, Prozac Nation |
| Moreta
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#261
Oct 18, 2013, 04:10 PM
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I was doing so good, but had a setback yesterday. I thought I had worked through it but nope. I'm back on the couch.. trying to talk myself into eating something. I did take a bath and put a load of clothes on to wash so that's something I guess.
__________________
Renji Dx: Bipolar I and PTSD Rx: Bupropion 200mg 2x Gabapentin 300mg 3x Levothyroxin 75mcg 1x Quetiapine 50mg 1x Reminder: You are not a tree |
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#262
Oct 18, 2013, 04:41 PM
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In a terrible mixed state.
Just was at a convention receiving an award for my job performance, but can't get thoughts of suicide out of my head. I shouldn't be alone this weekend, but the thought of spending time with anyone feels horrendous. |
| Anonymous45023
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#263
Oct 18, 2013, 05:06 PM
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I still hate myself today. Can't figure out why. I think the lack of a life has something to do with it.
__________________
Qui Cantat Bis Orat ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 40 mg Benztropine 1 mg Vraylar 4.5 mg Risperdal .5 mg  Gabapentin 300 mg Klonopin 1 mg 2x daily |
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#264
Oct 18, 2013, 08:30 PM
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Rough day today. Had a ridiculously rough day yesterday (was so anxious it took 2.5mg of klonopin for me to fall asleep, and I usually only take 1 or 1.5 at the most), and it kind of rolled over into today. Doesn't help that I'm sick either. But at least the depression is lifting. The anxiety, not so much, but hopefully it will start to soon.
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#265
Oct 18, 2013, 09:14 PM
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I slept most of the day
Sent from my Note 2 using Tapatalk 4
__________________
Dx: BP2 with GAD and OCD Seroquel 100 mg Risperdal 0.5 mg Clonazepam (Klonopin) 1.5 mg Buspar 5 mg Lamictal 200 mg Coversyl Plus for high blood pressure Crestor for high cholesterol Asmanex Ventolin  |
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#266
Oct 18, 2013, 10:20 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Qui Cantat Bis Orat ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 40 mg Benztropine 1 mg Vraylar 4.5 mg Risperdal .5 mg Gabapentin 300 mg Klonopin 1 mg 2x daily |
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#267
Oct 18, 2013, 10:25 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Tales of Love, Motivation, and An Interesting Journey - Please Subscribe to my Website on WordPress: Inspired Odyssey's Journey of Grace, Grit and Starting Again |
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#268
Oct 18, 2013, 11:28 PM
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Escalating into mania, wish my pdoc appointment wasn't 5 weeks away
__________________
“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi Diagnosis: Schizoaffective disorder Bipolar type PTSD Social Anxiety Disorder Anorexia Binge/Purge type |
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#269
Oct 19, 2013, 12:25 AM
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Quote:
Sent from my Note 2 using Tapatalk 4
__________________
Dx: BP2 with GAD and OCD Seroquel 100 mg Risperdal 0.5 mg Clonazepam (Klonopin) 1.5 mg Buspar 5 mg Lamictal 200 mg Coversyl Plus for high blood pressure Crestor for high cholesterol Asmanex Ventolin |
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#270
Oct 19, 2013, 09:22 AM
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Quote:
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#271
Oct 19, 2013, 09:30 AM
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I'm feeling better today. So long as i can keep away the memories of past regrets, missed opportunities, and all the people i hurt during my last manic phase, I can make something out of the day. But my little doggy is sleeping on me right now so i cannot get up
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| Blue_Bird, Moose72
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#272
Oct 19, 2013, 09:54 AM
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I'm ok. Probably because it's Saturday. I do have to go to the office, but it's for a Halloween party, but it's not technically work, so I'm ok with it.
__________________
[COLOR="DeepSkyBlue"][FONT="Century Gothic"]Dx: Bipolar II w/mixed episodes, PTSD, Anxiety Disorder, Insomnia Rx: Lamictal 100mg, Zoloft 75mg, Klonopin 0.5mg x1 /0.25 PRN “Insanity is knowing that what you're doing is completely idiotic, but still, somehow, you just can't stop it.” ― Elizabeth Wurtzel, Prozac Nation |
| Moose72
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#274
Oct 19, 2013, 01:02 PM
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Woke up to the usual rushing thoughts and rapid run through of events but was able to get beyond it and have a good day.
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| Moose72
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#275
Oct 19, 2013, 01:37 PM
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Just doing laundry and blogging in my bipolar blog. I hopefully have a date tomorrow, but we shall see. It has fallen through the cracks more times than not.
__________________
Qui Cantat Bis Orat ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 40 mg Benztropine 1 mg Vraylar 4.5 mg Risperdal .5 mg Gabapentin 300 mg Klonopin 1 mg 2x daily Last edited by Moose72; Oct 19, 2013 at 01:58 PM. |
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