[A Red Panda]

I don't know where I am, emotionally or anything.

I'm sorta numb, sorta chill, sorta stressed, sorta sad, sorta content, sorta overwhelmed... etc. It's really strange. I don't really get it as this isn't a common situation for me.

I have Some Nights by Fun playing in my head. I am taking that to mean that it is going to be a good day, although my T would disagree. She thinks music hallucinations are a bipolar symptom that should be medicated away, but I am in a forgiving mood. It does sometimes mean that I am on an upswing, all for the best... I have housework to do and my Brother is bringing his family over tomorrow and they are staying over-night. I got told today.

I feel amazingly good and a touch angry.

[RenjiCat]

I'm horrible today. I can't stop balling.. I've had horrible, uncontrollable crying spells all this week. Nothing is going right. They reduced my Food Stamps to $16/month. How in the world am I supposed to eat on $16/month?? Every time I've gone somewhere for help, they want money which I don't have/can't afford. The only place that hasn't charged me is my T and pdoc office (they get a grant to help the unemployed/uninsured). I can't do it... something's got to give! I don't know how much more I can take.

[Phoenix_1]

Originally Posted by RR18

I have Some Nights by Fun playing in my head. I am taking that to mean that it is going to be a good day, although my T would disagree. She thinks music hallucinations are a bipolar symptom that should be medicated away, but I am in a forgiving mood. It does sometimes mean that I am on an upswing, all for the best... I have housework to do and my Brother is bringing his family over tomorrow and they are staying over-night. I got told today.

I feel amazingly good and a touch angry.

I don't think music playing in your head is a bipolar symptom. I think everyone gets songs stuck in their head from time to time.

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[Phoenix_1]

I got my disability check. Now I need to get my butt off the couch and take a shower so I can go to the grocery store. I'm so depressed. I don't feel like doing anything.

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[ehWOOblah]

Woke up after four or five days of crippling depression feeling extremely alert and agitated. Been doing a lot more things that I've been putting off (calling my therapists office for one) so that feels...productive, I guess, but I'm still very in a not happy mood. Energetic, sure, but the recent events in my family life have been causing all my racing thoughts to pick up a very negative dust during their whirl-wind around my head. Had an argument with my girlfriend over my productiveness, a topic that sent me nearly over the edge considering I have done so much today. She has been very overbearing at some times since we've moved in together. I simply told her I needed to walk away from the situation and get my head clear before we speak on it any more. I think that's helped, but she is a "LETS TALK IT OUT NOW" kind of person, and so she's taken to going back to bed and not speaking to me after all I wanted to do was use a technique I learned in the hospital where you just walk away for a second and come back clear headed to address the problem. We're trying to figure things out but sometimes I feel like a burden. Today, though, I feel annoyed. Very very annoyed. Distracted too. Hopefully my elevated mood turns around and i get to be a happy go lucky, energetic worker today. Otherwise, I hope I don't crack under the stress (a big trigger for me).

[Moreta]

I feel wiped out today. This new job is slightly crazy. I have to do at least 220 entries a day by next week to keep this damn job. I got to around 200 today. Not sure how I can get faster though. They sent out a report around 3:00 with the totals, and the top person has 268, then I was next with 151. Personally I want to be the best. :P I really need this to turn into a full time job.

[naejannej]

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

I don't know where I am, emotionally or anything.

I'm sorta numb, sorta chill, sorta stressed, sorta sad, sorta content, sorta overwhelmed... etc. It's really strange. I don't really get it as this isn't a common situation for me.

i actually feel quite the same, with some anxiety thrown in the mix.

I am already feeling kind of sad because of my mood going down but my son's ex gf keeps pushing and pulling with his heart and he's posting things on facebook that are breaking my heart for him. As a mom you want to fix things and sometimes you just can't fix them. Its hard staying out of it. All I can do is love my baby boy.

[Moose72]

I had lunch with some friends. Now another friend is coming over for a few. I blogged. I printed my blog. I feel good about these. Now the friend is here. He wants sex. Not gonna get it with kids here. Lol

[czarina1984]

Today is another med change day for me. Happens every two weeks so you'd think I'd be used to the uncertainty. Just want this to stop so I could live a little and have some stability. Really lost and uncertain...

[Moose72]

Ok. He got sex. Not very long, but good enough.

[Zabine]

Oh Moose, you are funny

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Zabine

Oh Moose, you are funny

Thanks. I'm glad I'm funny and well-written today. Makes me feel good.

[Blue_Bird]

Still feeling hypo, wish my pdoc appointment wasn't so far away. It's not that I feel bad, I feel great, I just want these racing thoughts to stop. I've been sleeping about 1-3 hours a night. Tonight was 1 hour.

Still a rather rapidly moving target.
Last night intensely sui. Again. (Not sure if that simple of a statement needs a trigger icon??) Made myself run an errand tonight when a spiral started to hit.
Functioning adequately for the most part. Making a point to utilize some distractions, because there are a number of major pressures bearing down that could easily implode me. This amount of volatility isn't usual, and it's shown some very intense impulsivity. So...in saner moments, trying to balance with some simple soothing stuff like pet snuggling. Nothing like a tiny fluff of pure love when it feels like nearly everything else is on the verge of destroying you.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Still a rather rapidly moving target.
Last night intensely sui. Again. (Not sure if that simple of a statement needs a trigger icon??) Made myself run an errand tonight when a spiral started to hit.
Functioning adequately for the most part. Making a point to utilize some distractions, because there are a number of major pressures bearing down that could easily implode me. This amount of volatility isn't usual, and it's shown some very intense impulsivity. So...in saner moments, trying to balance with some simple soothing stuff like pet snuggling. Nothing like a tiny fluff of pure love when it feels like nearly everything else is on the verge of destroying you.

a tiny fluff of pure love

Nice wording. I like.

[Moose72]

I'm home with two of my three kids. The youngest got picked up by their dad. I'm taking one to their dad's as soon as she is showered and dressed and the other to his friend's. Other than that, I don't have plans for today. Darn it! My friend that I usually hang out with is hanging out with his mother today. He might be back tonight, I'm not sure.

I did listen to The moth radio hour earlier today. That's a fun radio show. Its on itunes which I can't get on my tablet even though its free. I hear it on the radio in the car.

Feeling a little more stable today going to focus on cooking some favorite foods for my son, he wants lasagne from scratch and banana split pie for dessert. Hopefully that stops the ruminating and helps me focus on just one thing at a time. Too many thoughts.

[Phoenix_1]

I finally got my butt off the couch yesterday long enough to get a shower and go to the drug store to pick up my prescriptions and a loaf of bread. Today I got up at noon. Still depressed.

i dont know what the heck was with me this morning, I don't know if I was depressed or what to call it.
I was really down...hopeless...lost...feeling like my AD had pooped out. As the day has progressed my mood has lifted, but still I just don't feel very motivated about much of anything.
I don't like how I feel in "the back of my mind" cause I keep hearing "give up, its never gonna get any better, its all downhill from here with you and your mental health"
It feels like I am having to fight my own head just to stay stable and awake. Not sure what is happening but I am sure I don't like it very much.

[Moose72]

I'm feeling bored. No friends are around today. The friend that usually does things with me is babysitting his mother today. Other friends I've tried calling are just not around. I could take myself out to eat I suppose, but that won't pass that much time. I could blog but I don't know what to blog about. I've been blogging so much lately that i've been going through the "old stuff" pretty well and I don't have anything new to post about. My blog is only about bipolar, you see.... I see my pdoc on Tuesday. Woot. Nothing to tell her either, I don't think. The intrusive thoughts have gone away. Just some anxiety off and on. I've tried to resist the ativan and alcohol. Sometimes yes sometimes no. Never together. One kids is at my ex's, one is about to be dropped off there and one is at a friend's house.

[Blue_Bird]

I feel like I'm completely losing it, calling my pdoc on Monday to try and get some help.

[RenjiCat]

I got to spend extra time with my youngest. That was great, but I overspent and now I'm just hoping I have enough money to get me to Tuesday. Daddy got to come home yesterday...he's not doing well. He's not drinking so he's dehydrated, plus he's not eating. Mama called the Dr. and he said that if he doesn't drink, he'll have to come back to the hospital for IV fluids. I started my Seroquil last night..I'm so drowsy! I really shouldn't have driven anywhere today, but I had to get my young'in to her dad (he's wedding is tomorrow). I started the November Facebook challenge.. we'll see if I can stick with it.

[Cyclowolf]

Tired, unmotivated, like I'm not real. Hello pdoc who looks like Putin on the 5th.