[Victoria'smom]

I'm so scared to go to therapy tomorrow. It'll be the first time since I called and got no response from her or pdoc. Right before that I have a meeting with my son and his therapist because he has successfully given me the silent treatment for over a week, only saying that he will only talk to me with his therapist because he feels safe there. Tomorrow is going to be hard for me but I have to take responsibility for my actions. My husband is saying that I'm taking responsibility for more than my share of the situation but who knows. Tomorrow is going to be packed with issues.

[~Christina]

MM

I hope it goes smoother than you are imaging. Just remember this time tomorrow night it will be all over with, That though process sometimes helps me.

Goodluck! I hope all goes as smoothly as possible for you all.

[BlueInanna]

That's an intense day ... good luck, you can do this. I love ya, M&M love ya, let the T's help you all work it out. And let us know how it goes. Hopefully you're sleeping now.

[A Red Panda]

Good luck!!! I will be thinking of you today MM!

[tealBumblebee]

Good lucking darling! Sending you love and hugs and kind wishes!

[~Christina]

How did it go ?

[Victoria'smom]

Well my son wanted to tell me that when me and his dad get divorced he wants to live with me even though "I go all Hulk on him". I had to inform him that his dad and I are not getting a divorce, even if we've both been in bad moods. That he knows no one that has got divorced so he does not have to worry about that. That his dad and I have a very strong relationship. I explained to his T that we have had been in a bad mood lately.

My T and I talked about what Miguel thought and she said I seem calmer but I must have not been pleasant. She made sure I was not abusing Miguel these past couple of weeks. I showed her PC but I don't think she'll actually come on. If she does I'm easy to find and she'll learn a lot about me. So I'm not stressed.

She was not impressed with my tattoo thinking that I may have got it to cover up SI marks I may have made this time and compared it to my manic scarifications. I explained why I got what. That brought the conversation to the last time I scared myself and whether it was still there. Which led to a short convo about ED. I learned That I have been with t & pdoc for 2 years and more or less stayed properly on my meds. (Thanks guys for helping me stay on meds.) I talked about how they keep me out of jail and the hospital. We talked about my violent thoughts and whether the boys were safe with me right now and she looked up when I see pdoc and made sure I planned to go. Which they are but I did lie "If you could have one wish today what would it be?" I didn't want to explain my answer so I said "I don't know". We did not talk about what happened with my husband and how violated I felt but that would be me admitting more then I wanted to. I tried to get the courage to tell her H wanted me hospitalized or that I tried to smash the front windshield with my foot while my husband was driving us somewhere a wk and a half ago but I kept my mouth shut. I seriously with I was as a mess in her office as I am in real life.

After I got my blood drawn and answered a 15 min mental/physical health survey with how satisfied I am with them. I took everyone to Cloudy with a chance of Meatballs, picked up a baby shower gift, grabbed food and am home.

All and all a good busy day.

[~Christina]

Sounds like a good visit in general.. I hope lil M can rest a bit easier now that you have reassured him that there is no divorce in the works...

I know you have been having a bit of a rough time lately.. As always it's up to us to decide what we will and will not share with a T or a Pdoc.. Are you feeling better? Are you okay with where you are mentally right now? All of those questions only you know the answer too..

Stay safe and be kind to yourself !

[Victoria'smom]

I don't think better is the right word, less angry more "I want to get into trouble" and/or be destructive. I'm in a different maybe more dangerous head space because I can plan, hopefully enough to keep myself out of trouble, but still find "disturbing" things pretty. I feel like my veins are all caffeinated and need to be ripped out or that it would be best if I believed in bloodletting but that won't work. H knows but I don't think I'll be sleeping tonight.

great that it went well

btw- what was the movie like?

i've heard a lot about it- but surprisingly never seen it

[Victoria'smom]

We went to see the sequel It's really kidzy, cute, and I like that type of stuff. I think I'd be disappointed if it wasn't first matinee prices. It's not a movie that I'd be willing to pay to see in theaters a second time. It will be a great "RED BOX" pick.