[comicgeek007]

So you may have seen the thread about me hating myself and having sui thoughts again. If not, that was the gist of it. That was a few hours ago.

Last night I barely got sleep and even though I was exhausted I kinda felt like i was on a Caffeine high- haven't had any of that in a while, though. And Christ on a pogo stick right now I am.so freaking awake if there was an awake contest I would win first prize. Seriously. It's nearly 2am by the way.

I spent most of the past hour in lala make believe land. Like acting out a heart-wrenching scene and then sweet revenge and justice with some X men characters and some of my original.characters. Over and over again. Same scenes. To get the tone and feeling right. I don't even know why I did it. I usually only do that when I'm writing. My original purpose for getting out of bed was to take my medicine. Thankfully i actually remembered once I returned from lala make believe land.

I still have feelings of despair and hopelessness, but there's also this weird feeling - like a mix between hope (but not quite) and a high. it feels so weird to have all this swirling inside me at once and it's kinda stressing me out a little. I littlerally feel like bawling my eyes out and laughing maniacally like an idiot because I can at once. I feel like I'm snapping, not to sound melodramatic.

Dammit I need sleep.

[Victoria'smom]

As stupid as it sound go to bed and wait with no electronics until your alarm goes off. that way at least your body relaxes.

Comicgeek, I was wondering exactly the same thing about myself last week. I've been in a bad depression, yet often my mind races (swirling thoughts) and I feel like "This time I can tell I'm really coming out of this depression," but realize the next day or so that I'm not. I called my pdoc on Friday saying I felt really agitated (while still depressed) and the only thing that had changed was increasing my wellbutrin, so he told me to decrease the wellbutrin. The next day I was still so freaked out by the situation that I took an extra klonopin to calm down too.

I had looked up mixed state and rapid cycling, etc. to see if I qualified and just wasn't sure. I finally came to the conclusion that I was having temporary periods of extreme anxiety with my depression, which, I don't think, qualifies as mixed? It is kind of scary to have moods and thoughts all over the place. I guess the best thing would be to describe your symptoms to your pdoc and see what he/she thinks.

Try to have a good day!

[Moose72]

I haven't had one in a while, but what you describe does sound like a mixed episode. Can you call your pdoc and describe it to them and see what they think? Maybe they can prescribe you something so you can at least feel better. Hug!

[catsrhelm]

ComicGeek, it definatly sounds like a mixed episode. I hope you are seeing a PDoc that can get you medicated right. It does make a difference. How about a hug to hold you over? HUG!

[Melaphant]

I was just in the ER last Sunday for a mixed episode. It was the first time in my life I truly felt I had lost it. My mind was going so fast and all over the place that I couldn't focus on what was happening or what the conversation was. I was laughing manically at ridiculous things and then instantly finding myself in tears. I was irritated by little things and just not myself at all.
After getting medicine, seroquil, I have just been rapid cycling for this past week. Again, not fun. It's about every 24 hours I hit a low and then cycle back through the next 24 hours into a high.

[Zabine]

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrg, the awfulness that is a mixed episode. Just remember, it will take it's course.

[comicgeek007]

Originally Posted by Melaphant

I was just in the ER last Sunday for a mixed episode. It was the first time in my life I truly felt I had lost it. My mind was going so fast and all over the place that I couldn't focus on what was happening or what the conversation was. I was laughing manically at ridiculous things and then instantly finding myself in tears. I was irritated by little things and just not myself at all.
After getting medicine, seroquil, I have just been rapid cycling for this past week. Again, not fun. It's about every 24 hours I hit a low and then cycle back through the next 24 hours into a high.

Holy crud. That is pretty much exactly what I am feeling. :/

[BipolaRNurse]

Ahh, the mixed episode. Those things are HELL and I hope I never have another one. Sounds like you could be in one, OP......take care of yourself, 'K?