[monochromatic]

I was already leaning towards not having children before I was diagnosed, and knowing that if I were to have kids, they would most likely have to suffer this same diagnosis just makes my heart hurt.

How are the rest of you feeling about wanting to have kids and pass this along?

[fate2freewill]

I have 2 bipolar friends. Both want kids but are afraid to have them for the same reason. Perhaps adoption is an answer. I had an aunt and uncle who didn't know they had the gene for cystic fibrosis. They had 5 children of which 4 had cystic fibrosis. They all died before they were 30. It was hard on them as you would have expected but they never regretted having the kids. Each one had purpose and meaning and touched other people. Your child could be spared the gene or could be controlled with meds. Regardless, your child could make a difference in the world. If we reproduced only if we had perfect genes, we would never have had the great brains of Stephen Hawking or John Forbes Nash, Jr.
I say if you are fairly under control and are up for the possible challenge, have the baby, love your child, and embrace whatever imperfections they have. No one is perfect. Motherhood is the hardest job I ever had and the one I loved the most.

[BlueInanna]

It's a ****** feeling and expensive. 2 out of my 3 have the bp. Maybe 12 hospitalizations at least between the 17& 19 yr olds. My credit is ruined, I'm broke, almost jobless & homeless. My bp did not get the attention it needed while addressing theirs, like run over bu an icy jagged snow ball. I'm a better mother with my 11 yr old, experience, and he doesn't do school refusal, destroy my house, break everything, attack us, or threaten to harm himself. He has a speech impediment, and a learning disability but he's got some special resiliency gene that been a life saver. I've also done this single, I worked long hours, no family support, didn't know how to help them or me. Sorry to be a downer, but it's my current reality I'm still in the hell and it sucks.

Of course it's possible to be a great bp parent to a bp child, anything is possible. There are also more than can count orphan children who need homes. But maybe we'd be unallowed since we have the bp...

[Warrioress]

It's bitter and painful, but I don't think I'll have any children. I got the gene from my dad and often when I was at my worst I would hate him for passing on this curse to me. It was completely irrational, I know, but I can't bear to have a child of mine feel that way about me.

[Victoria'smom]

Adopting with a diagnosis is hard. Between the age requirements, finances, and the heart ache that foster to adopt (only option because of dx.) could cause we chose to have a child.11 yrs later it actually seems harder to adopt.

Knowing full well s/he had about a 75% chance of having an issue.

Well he was unlucky and got multiple disorders. We worked long and hard to find anyway to keep him unmediated. It came to ahead when he was 8 and medication was a must, we could not do it alone. So we got him tons of help, he's always been home schooled to reduce school/learning related issues, he's medicated and in therapy. He may go to theraputic school next year. He's 11 yrs. old and will tower over me in about 6 months. His meds are finally straightend out. I don't know how this whole puberty thing will hit him but it hit both myself and my husband hard. We are prepared as much as you can be.

My son receives medicaid based on my disability but would also receive it based on his disabilities. Our co-pays for his medication is $5 a month. All other medical bills are paid by medicaid. There are days that I feel how are we going to **** up this one (raised 2 teens in my early adulthood), or **** how's he going to even servive in this world (I hope her matures well) but I'm very glad we had him but ask me in 10 yrs.

I chose not to have kids because of the risk of passing on my monster, bipolar 1. I feel regret some days when I see undiagnosed friends and others who had children for selfish reasons doing a horrible and worse job of parenting. I often think I would have been a much better parent and here I am giving up that option to save a child from being me. Sometimes it makes me wonder if this has been the right decision afterall, bull that's probably just my biological clock speaking.

[winter4me]

I got pregnant quite by Surprise at 32, then again, right after giving birth (I wasn't going to have kids)---they are both wonderful adults...and I have one wonderful grandchild ...now, of course, I couldn't imagine the world without them. But, I guess had they not come, life would have gone on anyway, just differently.

[~Christina]

I'm 46 .. Diagnosed BP I at age 43 ... Growing up I thought everyone had a racing mind like me..I didn't know any different so I went about living my life. Being a parent can be tough regardless of BP or not.. I think having my daughter made me focus more and make sure was doing well.

She was diagnosed BP I at age 19 A few months after I was diagnosed ..

Heres the thing .. I would not change anything, I felt guilty at first.. But my daughter just told me to get over it ..... she loves her life and manages her BP .. My daughter is a talented musician , writer and is living her life to the fullest .. There is a lot of worse genetic things that could have been passed down to her.

Having a child is a big decision whether BP is in the picture or not.

My bipolar comes most likely from my grandfather and so far the only thing my sons got was adhd from my husband and me, they are 22 and 24. They are healthy, well adjusted productive young men and I am very proud of them both. My oldest had school struggles due to his adhd, it just shows me that everyone has something. I could not imagine my life without them. The percentage of heredity is about 15% if one parent has bp according to nami statistics. However, my sons were teenagers when my diagnosis came along.

[wildflowerchild25]

When I am unwell, I always think about how I could have damned my son to this life. He's only three so there's no way to tell now. I hope not but unfortunately my family is screwed up and so is my husband's so I know the chances are slim. Thing is I had a kid because I thought I was better. If I had known it would come back and worse...I may not have had him....but I'm still glad every day that I did.

[Moose72]

I had my 3 kids before I even hinted at knowing I had bipolar, so its a moot point. We do the best we can. I love having my kids and can't picture life without any of them.

[SillyKitty]

I've only been diagnosed a couple years, since my husband and then doctor sent me to a pdoc. I just thought everybody should know what I'm thinking and how I feel. I didn't think I was any more emotional or immature than anyone else. I have a 17 year old, and I'm pretty positive she is bp & bpd, just like me. My middle daughter (12) hasn't shown any symptoms, so fingers crossed. My other daughter is 4. If I had known, I probably would have thought longer about it.

[brandywine]

I have two grown up children and both are fine. The genetic link isn't proven at all. I would say, go for it, and don't worry about passing anything on. Too give life is wonderful. I really do understand about cystic fibrosis, but not for something like bipolar, personally. But that is just my view, I understand. My children have grown up seeing me in various episodes, and both have come to a way of coping which hasn't interfered with their lives.