I think I was depressed?

Maybe it's just a fake and slightly hypo manic reaction to starting up Welbutrin before being on any proper dosage of mood stabilizer but, I feel good.

Really, I'm cleaning again! The last couple of months I sort of laid around eating potato chips and premade sandwiches because all my dishes were dirty (yes, I even have a dishwasher!) I may have been dancing down the aisle of the supermarket today too. I definitely noticed some real smiles popping up, felt like a weird muscle reaction. Lately it's been a lot of forced smiling and I've become aware of my facial muscles like any good actress should.

I'd ask my husband but he seems to get annoyed with my questions. I don't blame him though, sometimes I'll say, "do you really think I'm bipolar?" and get upset when he says yes. And he did mention it a few weeks ago, and I'm really only going back on medication again because he's been asking me to regularly for the last year. I'm pretty sure I'm fine. I'm a good actress and those moments of weakess? Move on. Er...

But what's my point again? I always thought I was super aware of depression that that whole lack of insight thing didn't apply to me and certainly not to depression but, uh, the evidence seems to point otherwise.

My doctor referred to bipolar as "your illness" I followed along but I really thought so loudly, "I'm ill?" I'm not sure I'm ever going to be comfortable with that.

Its not always easy to believe we are sick when we are in between episodes. It takes a good mania or depression to knock us on our *** to remember sometimes. And I've been there with every dish in the house dirty!

I am glad you are feeling good on Wellbutrin, I started it 2 weeks ago after being "depressed" love it so far.

Yea thanks.

Wellbutrin is good. It is difficult to adjust to though but I think I'm having an easier time this time. I haven't even lost my appetite but, I can't remember how long it took last time for me to feel super panicked and unable to eat. But last time, I was in a much more difficult position when I started it.

I'm supposed to go up to 300mg after a week but, I'm not sure about that one.

Oh I love Wellbutrin, best thing since sliced bread! Currently taking that and Zoloft and feeling fine most of the time. It curves my depression and anxiety but permits some slightly hypomania moments. Lithium made me too bland, emotionless, unmotivated, and boring.

You can say THAT again. Recently, I just about had myself convinced that I've merely been in an existential crisis for the last two years from all the stress in my life, and now that much of the stress was gone, I was normal (read: not bipolar). I should've known that was the beginning of another manic phase!

This one was a scary one too.......I don't normally hallucinate without benefit of a high fever or a bit of LSD (tried it only once, in my late teens). But there I was, hearing music where there wasn't any and beating the hell out of spiders only I could see. And I thought the neighbors were spying on us through our dining room window, so I wouldn't leave the curtains open like I usually do. That's about as effed up as I've ever been during a manic episode....sure hope that never happens again.