[Phoenix_1]

My kids just informed me that they can't have me over for Christmas because they'll be celebrating in Florida. My youngest daughter owns a house there.
I've never even been invited to Florida and they've owned the house two years.
Every time I want to see them and my grandkids I phone or email and the answer is always no, they're too busy. This summer they were too busy. Thanksgiving I was in no shape to travel after knee surgery, so I spent it alone. Christmas and New Years are a no go. It's the same every year. It's been like this for years.
My kids are the only family I have - I have no SO and my parents are dead.
I am so tired of being alone. Is this the only choice I have for the next 20-30 years? I'll be 60 next month and people live in my family until their 90's.
I wish I was dead. I can't bear the thought of spending the next 30 years by myself.

[monochromatic]

((((hugs))))

Could you travel somewhere by yourself instead? Or join a group traveling? Maybe try to find similar friends and spend holidays with them?

And no, it wont be forever. Family relationships ebb and flow. This is just one situation, it will get better.

[Phoenix_1]

I'm on disability - very low income. I have air miles but no money.

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[middlepath]

When I felt super alone and like nobody else understood me (cross-country move), I went to a local group meeting for people with depression and bipolar. I went for awhile, until i got back up on my feet and I made some friends there which was really nice. Have you considered something like that? The people, in my experience, are super warm and have open arms for anyone in need of friendship.

[gayleggg]

I'm sorry your children are being so unthoughful. Sometimes they just don't think about what they do. They don't realize how important they are to us. I'm 61 and. Only have one child and my husband. Both my parents have already died.

Last year is the first year I hadn't had Thanksgiving with her. She went to her dads. I cried I was so lonely without her. My husband and I aren't that close but we went out to eat. I was depressed all day.

But I agree that family dynamics change from year to year, so try to just get through this one before worrying ahead.

[Phoenix_1]

Originally Posted by middlepath

When I felt super alone and like nobody else understood me (cross-country move), I went to a local group meeting for people with depression and bipolar. I went for awhile, until i got back up on my feet and I made some friends there which was really nice. Have you considered something like that? The people, in my experience, are super warm and have open arms for anyone in need of friendship.

My T was supposed to look into finding a group for me to attend. But most groups meet at night and my car was just repossessed. I'd have no way to get there.

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[Phoenix_1]

This year I got fired from 2 jobs, went on disability, had my car repossessed, and had major surgery. I'm at the end of my rope. The stress is unremitting. I have another major surgery scheduled in early 2014. Now no Christmas. My kids didn't even visit when I was in hospital for a week. Ive never felt so alone in my entire life.

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[Phoenix_1]

Thanks for your being here. I really appreciate all of you.

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[Phoenix_1]

Oh yeah I forgot to mention my boyfriend. He's gone. He left me with a broken heart. I have that to deal with too. 2013 sucks.

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[Moose72]

I'm sorry.

[Phoenix_1]

Thank you Moose.

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[Victoria'smom]

Phoenix_1 can you go to a church dinner or volunteer to pass out toys Christmas day at a kids shelter? So that you can watch the kids light up. I'm sorry your kids aren't being thoughtful. I wish they'd offer to help you go down there.

[Phoenix_1]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Phoenix_1 can you go to a church dinner or volunteer to pass out toys Christmas day at a kids shelter? So that you can watch the kids light up. I'm sorry your kids aren't being thoughtful. I wish they'd offer to help you go down there.

I don't go to church. I'm thinking of starting again. I worked for a church many years ago and had a very bad experience there, so I quit going.
I used to work at a women's shelter in town, and they have Santa come in and hand out gifts. The other shelters do too. I don't think I qualify to be Santa.
Maybe the Salvation Army needs help wrapping toys. I'll phone them on Monday. Thanks for the idea.
I'm feeling really low tonight. I woke up at 3am. Does anybody take lamictal and find it gives them insomnia? Both nights I took it I can't sleep. Maybe I should take it in the morning?
Right now I wish the ground would open up and swallow me whole. That's what my mother used to say when she was depressed. Of course, there are no earthquakes here, so it's not likely to happen. But I feel just like disappearing.

[Victoria'smom]

I completely get the whole wanting the ground to swallow you whole. You may qualify as an elf though. If your not 'in to' churches the UU may be an option. I know there community oriented in most places. I take my lamictal at night, it can be taken in the morning though.

[monochromatic]

Are you seeing a tdoc at all? I know finances are rough, but aren't there programs?

[Phoenix_1]

I saw my T on Tuesday and my pdoc on Thursday. Sometimes an hour just isn't long enough to talk to my T.

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[Phoenix_1]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I completely get the whole wanting the ground to swallow you whole. You may qualify as an elf though. If your not 'in to' churches the UU may be an option. I know there community oriented in most places. I take my lamictal at night, it can be taken in the morning though.

What's UU?

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[Phoenix_1]

I'm going back to bed. I feel awful. So tired and I'm crying.

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When I was taking lamictal, I took it all in the morning.

[Phoenix_1]

Originally Posted by emomom

When I was taking lamictal, I took it all in the morning.

I took my daily dose today at 3 pm. I'll take the next one at 9 am tomorrow. I wanted to take them at least 18 hours apart.
Thanks for the advice emomom.

[@nonymous]

Maybe all of your misfortunes will be swept away when 2014 begins.

There are no easy answers. I don't know how you feel, but I know how it feels to be very alone. I am sorry you have to feel that way. I wish I had better words.

[doyoutrustme]

This too, shall pass.

[Amelie10]

Sometimes we have to let go of our family of origin (or kids) and make our own families. I pray that you find some friends around you who can treat you better than your real family ever has. Hugs.

[thickntired]

I'm so very sorry for the unbelievable stress you're having to endure. I always enjoy reading your posts as I find them to be very insightful. I believe you have a great strength in your empathy. I know it's hard but what I've learned is to try to get out if myself so to speak really helps. I think the posts about volunteering as a distraction and it makes me feel better to help another. Also if your health (surgery) allows you to take walks or try a yoga dvd. Treat yourself well and splurge a little on good hot chocolate or a movie. Do something nice just for you and remember you mean a lot to so many of us here

tnt