Just want help&support...

purplegiraffe1 · Oct 30, 2013, 10:10 AM

So i really don't know where to begin... I haven't been diagnosed w/bipolar, however so many of my friends think that i suffer from it. Anyways, Since like high school, i have dealt with some pretty extreme mood swings, and it seems like recently, they've been getting worse... And i feel like (currently) i am going crazy or something. I also feel weird and like i really just dont belong in this world, cuz i experience emotions that just don't seem to be able to logically go together, yet i still experience them... by this i mean that for instance yesterday, i literally felt extremely depressed AND extremely happy at the same time... part of me says that shouldn't be possible, but it really did happen... and there's been quite a few times recently that i've felt like that and i feel alone. i guess my emotions just confuse me so much.. Any advice, support, etc is most welcome. Also, i am currently on an antidepressant which admitedly i really have not been very good about taking like im supposed to. I've been threatened to have my meds taken away from me which is most upsetting to me.... I frequently ask one of my friends things like if he'd miss me if i died, why he was my friend, what woudl happen if i were to jump out of my window, what he thought about me shaving half my hair off and dying and mohawking the other half....etc..... any help is apreciated. Do any of you feel like that sometiems???

naejannej · Oct 30, 2013, 11:01 AM

It sounds like you do just want help and support. And that maybe youre having some rapid cycling or mixed episodes. It is possible to experience what youre experiencing, and you should see a specialist about it for sure, don't take what I say as a diagnosis. plenty of people with bipolar (and many other illnesses) feel alone because we feel like no one else is experiencing what we are going through, like no one can understand. ive found these forums to be very helpful with that. just make posts or respond to other people or participate in the chat rooms when your feeling alone; it helps me alot. who threatens to take your meds away? thats not good...just know youre not alone. i for sure feel like you do, and im sure others here on the forums do too. if youre feeling like jumping out of a window or other things like that you should call your doctor though.

atomicc · Oct 30, 2013, 11:31 AM

I'm no doctor but you what you're describing sounds a lot like borderline personality disorder. As you said you haven't been diagnosed so maybe you could look into that as well. I would also talk to your doctor about this and keep taking your meds! Good luck darling

ultramar · Oct 30, 2013, 06:07 PM

I'm sorry you're struggling so much! From some of what you have written you seem to be struggling with some suicidal ideation and self esteem issues.

You might want to do some research on bipolar disorder, the discrete episodes of depression, hypo/mania, how long they last, etc., and see if you identify with these sorts of things. Bipolar Disorder, more recently, has been described as a disorder of radical changes in energy levels, not just a matter of mood swings alone. Some people in 'mixed episodes' can experience a mix of different strong emotions at the same time, but so much more needs to be present, it's all so complicated!

Bipolar is difficult to diagnose -I think it would be a good idea to bring your concerns to your psychiatrist, if you have one.

Are you in therapy? From what you describe, it sounds like it might be helpful. We all need support, therapy can help with this. Best of luck and I hope you feel better soon!

purplegiraffe1 · Nov 06, 2013, 01:02 AM

Update: i now am going to see a counselor outside of school. I recently attempted suicide... and was sent to a mental health resource center because the police officer thought i should be baker acted.... Fortunately, with the help of a good friend of mine, and my roommates, i am 1. still alive, adn 2. was not baker acted. so, i just have to make another apt with my school counselor, and a follow-up w/mhrc... and hopefully someone can find me a psychiatrist where im living.

Alokin · Nov 06, 2013, 03:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by purplegiraffe1

Update: i now am going to see a counselor outside of school. I recently attempted suicide... and was sent to a mental health resource center because the police officer thought i should be baker acted.... Fortunately, with the help of a good friend of mine, and my roommates, i am 1. still alive, adn 2. was not baker acted. so, i just have to make another apt with my school counselor, and a follow-up w/mhrc... and hopefully someone can find me a psychiatrist where im living.

Holy moly, I did not know about that.... I lived in Jax for a long time too....

purplegiraffe1 · Nov 07, 2013, 12:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alokin

Holy moly, I did not know about that.... I lived in Jax for a long time too....

yeah, it was one of the scariest things ever. all these police came into my dorm and started asking me all these questions until my friend told them that i'm autistic and need them to ask one question at a time, so i don't get more overwhelmed. which i was pretty grateful that he was there for me and stood up for me like that. I really had NO idea i could be baker acted for what i did. Im just super glad that i wasn't and that things ended up kind of better for me. I met with my school counselor today and was there for quite a few hours, and the end result was that my mom agreed to make me an apointment to see a counselor(the one im seeing at school says that i need more help than they can provide me...),psychiatrist(for med adjustment and possibly a mood stabilizer as the examiner at mhrc said i probably need.),and nutritionist(the SC told her ppl with my bmi are usually hospitalized.)

Alokin · Nov 07, 2013, 12:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by purplegiraffe1

yeah, it was one of the scariest things ever. all these police came into my dorm and started asking me all these questions until my friend told them that i'm autistic and need them to ask one question at a time, so i don't get more overwhelmed. which i was pretty grateful that he was there for me and stood up for me like that. I really had NO idea i could be baker acted for what i did. Im just super glad that i wasn't and that things ended up kind of better for me. I met with my school counselor today and was there for quite a few hours, and the end result was that my mom agreed to make me an apointment to see a counselor(the one im seeing at school says that i need more help than they can provide me...),psychiatrist(for med adjustment and possibly a mood stabilizer as the examiner at mhrc said i probably need.),and nutritionist(the SC told her ppl with my bmi are usually hospitalized.)

Good luck, those cops don't mess around.

purplegiraffe1 · Nov 07, 2013, 11:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alokin

Good luck, those cops don't mess around.

Thank you! I know. and i wish they knew how to deal w/people like me a little better....

Alokin · Nov 08, 2013, 01:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by purplegiraffe1

Thank you! I know. and i wish they knew how to deal w/people like me a little better....

I have been to the facilities, probably should have been Baker Acted.

purplegiraffe1 · Nov 10, 2013, 09:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by naejannej

It sounds like you do just want help and support. And that maybe youre having some rapid cycling or mixed episodes. It is possible to experience what youre experiencing, and you should see a specialist about it for sure, don't take what I say as a diagnosis. plenty of people with bipolar (and many other illnesses) feel alone because we feel like no one else is experiencing what we are going through, like no one can understand. ive found these forums to be very helpful with that. just make posts or respond to other people or participate in the chat rooms when your feeling alone; it helps me alot. who threatens to take your meds away? thats not good...just know youre not alone. i for sure feel like you do, and im sure others here on the forums do too. if youre feeling like jumping out of a window or other things like that you should call your doctor though.

Thank you! My mentor said that if I try to attempt suicide again, that her supervisor may take my meds away. It feels good to know im not alone with my thoughts and feelings!