black

I had some of my bourbon with my friend. It didn't do much but feel warm. I'm still feeling that I hate myself and that's not fair to anybody else. Too hard on them to deal with me. Maybe I just need a nap.

Napped.. Still in bed. Feels good. Bedtime not for 3 mpre hours.

I suppose i should call pdoc tomorrow. Feeling like stabbing myself again....

Hey, I just had the chance to sit still and chat. I was going to ask if you would call tomorrow anyway. I would feel better if you did. How was your brunch today?

Brunch was familiar and warm.

What do i tell pdoc when i call? That ive been having bad anxiety?

Nevermind the hallucinations

I'm glad brunch was familiar, I think you needed that.

What to tell the pdoc? Seems this has been going on for over a week, since at least last weekend.
That you've had bad anxiety, depression, been sleeping through the day and night, thinking of self harm on numerous occasions either through mixing meds and alcohol or si, seeing things move that shouldnt (the painting), paranoid (aliens last night with your friend and the dark). I think thats enough to start with.

Thank you.

You're welcome. I've been worried for you but you keep reaching out to your friends and on here so thats been a good thing, you're hanging in there. Hopefully the dr can help make things easier and you will come back to feeling better soon.

I actually wrote your post down on paper as a reference

Cool, Thats what I do when I go to the dr or talk to them, otherwise I forget stuff

I will have to call after i take the kids to school

Are you getting them ready for the night?

Kids are already in bed. just me in bed.

I took a long nap earlier before they came home so i hope i can sleep. It was thunderstorm ing out. Good tosleep to.

Lost the net for a few. Yeah I like to sleep in rainstorms. Today I think was mostly good I finally redid my fingernails, they were about to pop off! I made taco dinner for my boys, my oldest was home for just a couple of days. I try to spoil him.

I hope you get to sleep ok tonight. Are you getting those storms that went through Illinois?

Well I've got to run off, I hope you have a good day tomorrow! Good night! (((Big)))
We'll talk tomorrow.

Mmmm tacos. I used to get my nails done but its so expensive. Spoiling is alwaus good.

Goodnight!

Called psych office. Dr going to call me back.. they didnt care about the hallucinations.

Dr said to do fun stuff and call back if doing fun stuff doesnt work after a couple days.

I didnt really like the conversation.

Moose, I dont feel like they took you seriously, I am not happy with that at all. You HAVE been doing stuff out and with friends. Can you call them back? They need to take you more seriously.

Im at the dr with two of my kids. 14 yo is being a jerk.

Its their yearly check