Annoying!

Why is everyone and everything so annoying? I work in a small office with several other women and I feel like everytime they laugh or interrupt me, I want to slam their heads into their desks. Don't get me wrong, I like the people I work with, I just don't seem to be able to tolerate ANYTHING lately.

I go to the movies but I don't hear the movie- I hear the person behind me opening up candy - and I just feel my fists clenching. (I should mention I also have ADHD).

I've been feeling really angry and it is always over the smallest,silliest things.

I'm going back to my PDoc on Wednesday, hopefully she will change my meds or something. :/

Currently I'm on 200 MG of lamotrigine - some days I feel like it works (because even though I want to, I do NOT bash people's heads in LOL).. but 98% of the time I feel irritable and angry. I HATE IT. I just want to be happy.

It's like I'm sitting outside myself watching myself ruin all the relationships in my life.

Also, I feel like I'm numb to feelings - is this normal? Like, I feel nothing for my parents. I'm sure if something where to happen to them, I would be devastated but I really feel nothing for my family.

My partner puts up with me but is sick of me always being "negative". I always jump to conclusions over anything and assume the worst. It has cost me some of the most important people in my life.

I've recently realized that I am often trigged by sounds in the environment.. or even people looking at me the wrong way... or someone not knowing telepathically what I want for dinner (because I don't know).

Sorry... Manic Rant... Just need some support...

Tell me I'm not the only one who feels like Cybil.

Im sorry your feeling this way ... I feel exactly that way when I get manic .. It horrible. Hopefully your Pdoc can offer some help !

Thank you Christina, it's so nice to know that someone else understands. <3 <3

I think I am on my way to this…..I have been very irritated by emails, haven't gone into work yet, hope that goes well. We can goer throughout this, hugs…...

Arrgh, you've just described my feelings perfectly! And I'm not even manic, but depressed with some agitation. I'm not so much sad depressed, but pissed-off depressed and the irritability is really bad. So sorry you're going through this, it really sucks.

It's because you live in America. Westerners are out-of-touch with values and they're neurotic. That's where all Popular Comedy originates in America from: Neurosis - being insecure with your body, your feelings, relationships, your surroundings, marriage, death, etc. Native American Indians were in-touch with everything around them and valued everyone and everything. Listen to some of the many Eastern Philosophy lectures from Alan Watts. He explains why Westerners are alienated from day one and he is very precise.

From The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are (Alan Watts) -

"We are superb materialists. [Aircraft interior design] for the comfort of passengers is nothing but frippery. High-heeled, narrow-hipped, doll-type girls serving imitation, warmed-over meals. For our pleasures are not material pleasures but symbols of pleasure - attractively packaged but inferior in content."

The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are: Alan Watts: 9780679723004: Amazon.com: Books

It could also be you're suffering from a mood disorder: unipolar or bipolar depression. My irritability/agitation fluctuates to extremes and is triggered very easily. Only meds that have worked for me for brief periods have been zyprexa, adderall, ritalin, tegretol with lots of side effects.

Boy do I know exactly how you feel. I once had a coworker who laughed constantly throughout the day and it was like finger nails on a chalk board. I also am on lamotrigine 200 mg and felt more annoyed with people for the first couple weeks, then I felt completely flat and emotionless. Finally, I feel like my baseline mood, people still annoy me but not nearly as much. I still feel numb regarding my feelings towards my family members, but that is good, because they have said and done some pretty painful things to me recently, and I feel like my heart is on novacaine. I really feel very little.

I know that what you describe is fairly common when starting lamotrigine, for me it was, but I do feel better and more stable. No more falling in love at the blink of an eye
(funny because I have almost no sex drive--LOL) and no more moving across country just because it sounds really fun. I still have the same thoughts, but not the feelings underneath driving them. I do not know if this makes sense or not.

I hope you feel better and know that you are not alone in this. It just takes time to get the meds right.

Hi Simply,
I know exactly what you mean. I have had some of the same issues. I've figured out, at least for myself, that we seem to be ultra-extra-sensitive to lots of things, most things in fact. We just might be the most sensitive people on this planet! Sometimes I cannot tolerate sounds, bright lights, sudden noises (startle reflex), and simply people! I think it is normal for our conditions but there also must be some decent help from our doctors that can make this better for us. I used to work in an office and I hated it so much. I finally had to quit working as I got older because work just became intolerable and I was able to go on disability but I had to get a lawyer and fight hard to get it at age 55. I really wanted to keep working but I just could not handle it. I also had another condition that helped me get disability. I envy all of you who can hold down a job through all of this, no matter what you do. I kept thinking that maybe just working in a factory would be better than the stupid offices, but it would have been a cut in pay for sure. Sometimes choosing another job, line of work or going back to school might be be a solution re work. Also there is always the State Dept. of Vocational Rehabilitation to check into. I hope your doc can help with these problems. Hang in there and don't give up hope.

I have definitely felt like this. At my old apartment, I would get so irritated by my roommate coming home from work. She would just disrupt the feeling in the apartment and I would go hole up in my room so I would not have to see her. I would also turn up music or a movie so I would not hear her. There were times I had to leave the apartment so I would not yell at her or break anything. Working with people who make you that irritated, especially in a small office, must be tough!

You're definitely not alone. I often feel the same exact way. I don't know if I feel it when I'm manic, or depressed, and really that part doesn't matter. I just know it's unbearable and it makes me treat those closest to me badly at times and that makes me sad. I try to basically just ignore it and treat my family in a way that I would want to be treated; it's not their fault. A symptom of BPD is being overstimulated and I believe this is what causes the irritation to noise, lights, crowds, exciting movies or video games, etc. It gets really bad for me when I take an exam at school. The pressure of an exam is a trigger in itself so all I can focus on are the amplified sounds of people sniffling or crinkling papers, coughing, clearing their throat. How do they expect me to concentrate in those conditions?? One thing that helped at work was finding a job where I worked independently. I worked for a company but I was able to go out and work on projects by myself. The only person I had to deal with was me lol! I know it's difficult but just try to put yourself in the other person's shoes. Good luck

I can relate too....just hypersensitive to everything and having trouble maintaining my composure.

I have never been dx with anything, but I suspect bipolar, I also get like this, some days I get out of bed and every little tiny thing just sets me off, the way this person said hi, the way that one slammed the door ON PURPOSE, Pandora radio is playing all the dumbest songs, OMG HER LAUGH I want to karate chop her in the throat, and THE WORST... WHY ARE YOU WHISTLING A HAPPY TUNE, YOU ARE WORKING. And that is within 10 min at work, and it last all day.

I feel like screaming, and then pushing people down the stairs. ( But I don't lol )

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Yup....LOL

Hypersensitivity is a symptom of BP. I have periods where every sound bothers me: footsteps in the house, pots and pans, doors closing, inflections in peoples' voices, etc. All sounds seems amplified. But I think hypersensitivity is a little different than chronic irritability in some ways. If you can get rid of the chronic irritability it's like a whole different World out there.

OMG.. I'm so glad everyone can relate and I really enjoy all of your "stories". I was diagnosed with BP first and I have now been diagnosed with having BPD as well. So I'm clearly not fun to be around. I am seeking a new therapist next week who specalizes in DBT? I don't know much about it though..