Self-induced mania?

I am in the bad habit of triggering my own manic episodes. I feel so awesome when I'm manic that I often deprive myself of sleep or take too many stimulants to trigger an episode. I have even skipped my mood stabilizer to induce the high. I know it's horrible but I don't ever want to stop. It's exactly like being on meth except the drugs are in my head!

Does anyone else like to trigger mania?

I used to like being hypomanic/manic until I had a manic episode that caused A LOT of trouble and problems that I'm still dealing with today. I admit it would sometimes feel good after spending months in a deep depression. But after the last one, I don't want to go through it again. Lately, I've been getting more mixed episodes than pure mania and the subsequent agitation and such is not worth it. I'm trying to get my life back after my last manic episode and just wish now for stability.

No 95% of my Manic times are and ugly ,anger filled messes .

I've done that Steelfang... For me it's like I wasted so much time depressed I must get work done NOW, I'm finally able to focus must keep going & get caught up on it all, I've found the solution finally!

I have stimulants for ADD, I have over used them before because I didn't want the productive feeling to stop. Would stay up all night in my office, bad part of town & still be there when employees arrived. But I haven't done that in a couple years. Nowadays I feel like I'm older & need more self control. So I don't take them everyday. I watch the clock & don't take them after a certain time. And I try to sleep every night.

But mania in and of itself can feel like meth or stimulants. Pdocs say this & I've experienced it too. Sleep deprivation probably does the same thing right? But I think moderation is best to avoid the dreaded crash.

I sometimes cave and do drugs. It doesn't really happen all that often anymore but I am guilty of it.

I do once in a while but usually its when I am already heading that way and I don't have the best judgement. Once I do it though, I generally regret it.

I have to confess that I've done this on occasion by staying up too late and then getting up too early several times in a row, or I 'accidentally' miss my nighttime meds (which is all but guaranteed to induce hypomania at the very least).

I LOVE my hypomania, but 95% of the time it goes on into full-blown mania, which is not good. If I could just harness that energy and control it at the hypomania level, I'd be unstoppable....but obviously I can't, otherwise it wouldn't be a problem.

I have but the last time I wound up in crisis I got myself into some big messes which may affect me for the rest of my life so I never want to go down that road again.

I understand completely, because once we've had an euphoric mania, everything else is depressing. There's no middle ground!