[Rrancher]

I have been very successful in my career, but through what I thought of as " embracing opportunities". now that I am treated for bipolar this year and being laid off soon I have this horrible feeling that I won't be able to succeed with my next job. but I don't know if it's the depression talking. I have analyzed my recent positions and I really feel like it was circumstances, not ability. wow. I'm now depressed about having depressive bipolar. oh the irony

[Rrancher]

weird. I think I am in a really down place. I am thinking about suicide but I can't do our without my mother, sister, and boyfriend going too. and that is too much. I hate that I can't just kill myself without bothering anyone. I guess that's wgoingy I distance myself so much. I'd I was alone I could just do it. but I am looking for a painless way so I know on my past that means just a cry for help.

what do I do now? I want to walk to the nearest psych ward and check in.

I don't like this, but it is strangely comforting. being " light" when I am not manic and not depressed is weird. I am more comfortable in the dark with music and drawing eyes and writing bad poetry. if I win lottery, that's what I'm goin to do. order food delivery. watch Netflix, and lock the doors

[token451]

Many times I have wished I didn't have people who loved me so I could die without guilt but they are also the reason I am still alive. I don't know why but last week I had a night were I was convinced I was going to harm myself if I did anything so I made myself stay in bed and watch netflix until I fell asleep. The feeling was still there in the morning but it was easier to distract myself in the light of day. If you really feel desperate, seek help. I always get ahold of my best friend, even though she lives 8 hours away, she holds me accountable.

[Victoria'smom]

" embracing opportunities" is not because of your bipolar it's you. Yes possibly it helped you take chances, give you confidence that you could pull of projects that you wouldn't normally try but don't hand that over to bipolar. It's not fair to you. Most of what you wrote sounds like depression seeping in. It is strangely comfy and a bit maddening there. If your new to the diagnosis I'm assuming your new to the meds. Medicated depression and medicated mania feel weird, wrong and harder to label. Curl up, watch your netflix, hang out here, eat something, and Monday morning call your doctor. Nice to meet you.