Endlessly frustrated and confused

So I've been trying to find the right med combo for over a year now. I am staunchly against being on an anti-psychotic although I've been on Zyprexa for more than a year. I've been itching to get off.

I can't help but think it might be doing something for me. Every time I try to go off of it I swing into a deep depression. Currently at 2.5mg and severely depressed. Recently being put on Depakote has caused me to feel uncomfortably flat for about 4 months. I feel overmedicated with poor results.

I just have no idea where the hell to go from here. Back up on the Zyprexa? Get rid of Depakote? I'm sure my doctor is as confused as I am. I seemed to have the best results with a Lexapro/Lithium/Zyprexa combo. Should I just accept the need for an AP and hope I don't get diabetes, breasts, absurd weight gain, or tardive dyskinesia?

I know the process of finding the right combo of meds is long and frustrating. It took me (no lie) 4 years of try this, try that... but in the end it was worth it because now I'm on what I feel like is the best concoction! For me it is an AD and an AP. (Wellbuterin & Seroquel)

Hang in there... it'll get better and you will eventually find what you need. Just know you are not alone. I think we have ALL been through this. ((Hug))

Thank you

What other things are you trying in conjunction with medications? Meds alone are not enough to stay as well as you can be.

All the meds mentioned in your sig are meds I would never go on or meds I have been on and will never go on again. You do not have to put up with awful permanent side effects, there are medications out there that have few side effects but work just as well. Its a horrible and sometimes long ride to find the right one but when you do its great.