[poptardqueen]

I've been having my share of problems lately to say the least....

Within the past week I've been seeing and hearing things that I know aren't really there. Black figures everywhere I look sometimes. It is to the point that I won't sleep at night because I know something is out to get me and WILL get me if I go to sleep. But if I do sleep it's with all the lights on and on the couch during the day. Now, when I look back between these 'episodes' I know it is silly, but at the time I am completely CONVINCED that there is some malicious being or beings after me. I told my therapist and he is quite concerned. Overall I just remain overly paranoid about something being after me all the time every hour of the day.

For the record, I haven't been sleeping much to speak of for the past month, sometimes not at all. I keep telling my Pdoc that I am not sleeping and he refuses to give me anything to sleep because he does not trust me with any sleeping meds anymore because I tend to be so suicidal with anything I am given and because he thinks I am an alcoholic (which, for the record, I have not had a drink in over a month). These new symptoms piled on top of all the sometimes violent moodswings and self-destructive thoughts I already have are making life so unbearable that I just sit in bed and cry every night.

I was just wondering if anyone had any advice or had had any similar experiences? Or if maybe I'm on my own here

[PlanningtoLive]

I'm so proud of you for not drinking..........and never alone, I promise.

{{{{{{{safe hugs}}}}}}}}}}

[Outtolunch]

hi
I personally can relate to that issue with the voices and black shadows and paranoia. I spent 3 weeks backed into a corner, tormented by horiffic whispering voices telling me horrific things to do and to do to myself and that I was going to either kill myself or they would kill me in my sleep. It was the most frightening experience I have ever known. I did not sleep, I did not eat, I never left my house and left the bedroom only a few times. Instead of going through with the suicide or going to a hospital, I called my Pdocs emergency line and he immediately told me to stop taking the current anti-psychotic i was taking and to see him the next day. He put me on something newer and better that took the voices away for the most part and gave me the ability to live again. I am still traumatized by the whole episode and I know now that it had everything to do with my meds ( coupled with the lack of sleep). He put me on Risperdal which also put me to sleep at night. I have never been more thankful. It killed 2 birds with one pill. I hope that if you are not on meds for this that you seek out something for this manic related episode and/Or get on some other type of anti psychotic. Different meds work differently for different people. I hope you find solstice in this. Just keep reminding yourself that these apparitions and voices are not real. You have to do it every day. Sometimes prayer can help you too. Just dont sink down into the "pit". Get some rest and dont forget to call upon any support you have.

take care,
out to lunch

[biplol]

yes, i do relate to that, It happens to me specially during my maniac episodes adn when everybody is asleep, so I got really freaked out with every shadow or noise.
What I'm trying to do is just try to calm down and think about soemthig else, if nothing works my next step is God, I pray and eventually I fall asleep.
Hang in there, you are not alone ~hugs~

[Outtolunch]

One more quick thing,
I have found that, to mask the voices, I listen to music either on my stereo or on my Ipod with earphones. It takes my mind into a happier demention and I lose "contact" with what I was hearing before.In the quiet of the night, if nothing else, then I go down a list of songs I love and sing them in my head, over and over again. Sing out loud if it helps. Music can heal the soul in many different ways. Give it a shot!

Out to lunch

[poptardqueen]

(((((Mary Alice)))) Thanks hun.

I'm glad I'm not alone here. This makes me feel better somewhat I suppose. My Pdoc is out of the country this week so I cant do much about my med situation. I currently am on 30mg of abilify, 200mg lamictal, and 150mg tomopax. Obviously this isn't working out ey?

About what you said (outtolunch), I do agree that is does have something to do with my meds. I have been on this cocktail for months now and this has just come up within the past week and a half, so I don't know if my meds are just not enough to conteract it or what, but something has to give. I almost want to sleep with a knife under my pillow. But, like I said, my doc is unavailable and quite honestly I just don't think I'm worthwhile enough to seek out further care until he gets back. I jjust dont know what to do. And to top it off my therapist is also out of appointments until next week, so I have no one to talk to. About the music suggestion, that is a very good idea and I have been doing that . I always sleep with music on to drown out the voices in my head so I can sleep, but lately the paranoia is such that it isn't helping.

Thanks for the input Biplol Maybe it is mania related, I don't know. It's just like I stay in this borderline psychotic paranoia state all the time lately. It's just that this isn't like any other mania I've ever had before, so I don't know what to call it. Who knows...

[DaveyJones]

Just a couple of suggestions...

First, have you called your pdoc's office to see who is handling his emergencies while he's away? That may be a place to start.

Failing that, I should think that you may want to try the emergency room, or even go directly to the psych ward at your local hospital.

Just my opinion, but I think you shouldn't wait until your normal caregivers return.

Please be safe, I hope you have a safe and healthy holiday.

DJ

[poptardqueen]

I know my docs coworker is covering for him, but im so hesitant to talk to someone i dont know and who doesn't know me. I know that's weird, but it takes a lot for me to open up to people.
And as for the hospital, I am absolutely terrified of ending up in the hospital after my last two inpatient stays. They weren't horrible or anything, I'm just afraid they will keep me for a long time this time if I go in. So that is an absolute last resort. I was at a residential treatment facility this time last year, which i actually miss, and I doubt my family wants to see me miss the holidays yet again for my messed up reasons.
I think I'm going to try to ride it out, but if it gets too bad, ill definitely do what you suggested. Thanks!
Hope you have a nice holiday too!