I feel like I am slower than average when it comes to emotional well being. Most people are able to cope emotionally with things that I am not, is this just because I havent learnt the skills they have yet? While on the other hand, I am unemotional when it comes to death and I am calm in real crisis or emergency situations. Is my emotional control just a matter of practice and learning?

[gayleggg]

I think we all cope differently, but I do think we learn by practice and learning. Of course, there are things that can stunt this growth in us. I believe childrearing plays a big part of teaching us how to cope and if we don't get that I believe we will be behing in our emotional inteligence. (Just my opinion)

Thanks for the input. I can see how children can make you more durable in some ways, but I see so many suffering because their parents are not coping and providing a stable home for them. This makes me sad that so many children are in for a life of emotional disregulation because they were not taught correctly, in turn meaning a whole new generation of mental illness.

How did you learn emotional regulation skills? I have done the therapy over the years and am re-doing work books now but its all distraction rather than dealing with the emotion. When they advise to sit with the emotion it ends in one of 3 ways at the moment - tears, panic or turning to drugs, usually after "sitting" with the emotion for a few hours. I am searching for therapy material but for the courses I have this is the advice.

This has only recently become an issue for me again. I was fine for years, but at the moment I am finding it so difficult to deal with distress. I know some of it is hormonal but I'd like to think I have some control over my emotions!

[gayleggg]

I'm not real sure I've learned how to cope with my emotions very well or I don't think I would be as depressed as I am. I know journaling helps me more than just sitting with emotion. Something about getting out on paper seems to help. ( or on comupter but they say writing works better for it.) I liked computer so I could password it so no one else could ever read it. Making sure I get plenty of rest is a must. I don't deal with things well when I'm tired. Hope something here helps.

[jenniy122]

Sounds like me. I'm an emotional wreck over trivial things, but calm in crisis situations. I agree there's nothing really out there to teach you how to actually deal with the emotions, only distracting from them until they pass.

Thankyou gayleggg, I appreciate you taking the time to reply
I write a lot, my journal goes with me everywhere and I fill them up quite quickly. I like to write on the computer too. I sleep 8 hours a night at the moment. And meditate for an hour a day every day. Occasionally I will do yoga, and I get on the bike most days too.

Im constantly told by doctors and group that I am doing everything "right" but if thats the case, why am I still having issues? There must be some sort of skill that I havent learnt yet that will help me.

[swheaton]

I do not cope with mine well. I am great in a crisis or when I have to show no emotion. Try to get me to deal with mine and blammo. My family wasn't too keen about expressing their feelings and when they did, it was really explosive.

[hamster-bamster]

There is no right way. If sitting with an emotion is not to your liking, and, if you are tired of verbal self-expression via journing, maybe you can draw your emotions or paint just for the sake of doing it without aiming at producing a neat picture. I think I saw watercolor markers at a store once; they would be far less messy than pain for starters.

I am not writing to suggest that non-verbal expressiveness is better than verbal, or vice versa. I am just suggezting that you not listen to dogmatic advice (do a, b, and c and you will .aster e.otional regulation ), but rather to offer yet another approach and suggest that you look into yet more to find something you like.

[unaluna]

I feel like i am the same way. I am great in a crisis. Funerals are pretty meaningless. But everything else, i would call myself stupid. I think its because when i was growing up, only two things mattered - was mom mad or not mad? Not a very big emotional vocabulary was required. Any other emotion was discounted. How do you begin to add value to something you never had reason to value before?