[SickOfSadness]

Yesterday, I had a really god day, was motivated to get my room clean & organized, got some of it done, then had a massage appt. After the massage, I was still in a really good mood, but started kind of crashing a couple hrs later, started getting tired. So I drank a coffee & that increased my energy to get my room finished up. I crashed again another few hrs later (assuming from the coffee). Towards the end, I just got to the point where I started getting aggitated & just didn't feel like finishing (although, I was almost done, I even redecorated a little bit). I felt exausted. I cleansed my room with sage, took a long, hot shower, & tried meditating, but I couldn't relax enough, so I decided to masterbate (thinking it would relax me more to be able to focus on the meditation). But it just woke me right up & then I couldn't fall asleep & just layed in bed aggitated watching tv. I finally shut the tv off after a few hrs & fell asleep.

I woke up crabby today (probably b/c I got 5.5 hrs of sleep & woke up to the phone ringing) & just can't seem to get out of this funk. I have no motivation to do anything & really don't feel like being @ work right now & am feeling kind of down on myself b/c I wanted to be motivated to start working out & feeling good today. Arrrrrg. I just feel crappy. :-(

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[spoiledprince]

Argh, I feel for you. At least you have most of the room done. I hope everything levels out for you, dear.

[SickOfSadness]

I feel like I should feel grateful that my bipolar isn't debilitating, like it is for a lot of people (and I am) but its still tough to deal with...

I feel like I'm crabby & irritated all the time & have a lack of motivation & am tired all the time & I can't seem to shake it.

I know if I start working out, that might help, I'll eventually end up with more energy, but I just can't seem to get motivated to start. Or I'll start for like 2 days & say screw it cuz I'm tired, crabby, & just don't want to.

I'm also going through a breakup (which is basically due to my disorder cuz I can't seem to control the b****yness). I know its for the best cuz I need to work on me before I can ever have a healthy happy relationship, but it still hurts & I'm still sad due to it. So I've been going from crabby to sad & confused @ how to feel for the past 2wks. (With the exception of the 1 good day I had yesterday)

I'm trying to figure out my disorder & confused about some things about it (like mixed moods & hypomania & rapid cycling) & idk what I have/go through...

I have a med appt but dk what I want to do yet, its a battle I've been dealing with for a yr or 2 now.


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[donna450]

Isn't a bummer when you try your best and your best just isn't good enough....

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[SickOfSadness]

Sure is, but then I get down on myself b/c I feel like maybe I'm not trying as hard as I could b/c I can't seem to get myself out of the funk I'm in. I'm trying to think more positively, but it doesn't always work. I am trying though, @ least I can say that

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[spoiledprince]

It's a hard place to be at, but you have to realize that this isn't you. You don't chose to be this way and you're doing what you can to get better. You've got the right to be sad or agitated or however you feel, just because your emotions sway with your disorder, doesn't mean you don't really feel them. You have a right to them, and it's good you have the time to work on yourself, but you also need to be in a relationship where s/he understands your condition enough to stand by you. Take care.

[jesusplay]

no mention of meds, are you on meds?

[SickOfSadness]

No, no meds. I have an appt on the 28th, but idk if I really want to be on them. I'm worried it'll make me worse, like last time I tried them & I don't really want to go thru the trial & error of finding what works. Ugggh, I just don't know what to do. :-\

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Understand how you feel. And it's frustrating that the energy you need to do things to help you feel better you don't have. Hang in there!