[feferock]

Hi my name is felicia. I'm 28, married with 2 kids and I'm bipolar. I have also had an ADHD without hyperactivity and OCD diagnosises with it but that changes from doc to doc. I knew something was wrong after I had my daughter and I wanted to throw her through the window. Doc said it was ppd. A few months later I was being retested for my pseudotumor cerebri dx and had an EEG and was told I had add and bipolar. I'm not sure how that works but I guess my brainwaves were different. I went to a therapist to see what they said. I was in fact diagnosed with both. I went through many meds and finally gave up all of it. This caused me to go into a severe manic episode where I completely tore my family apart. Luckily I was able to mend it when I fell back to earth. I went back to the t and got back on meds. Nothing was working so I asked for Zoloft as it worked wonders after I had my daughter. They warned it could make me manic. And did it ever. I completely lost my grip on reality. Hearing things. Seeing trolls in the trees outside my house. Wanting to hurt and kill people. I tried to admit myself and they had no room so they sent me to day treatment which helped aside from the meds. They also added the OCD diagnosis. I was finally deemed fit to leave. I finally found some relief but was taking so many meds. I then switched doctors and was told I was only bipolar 2. He took me off almost all my meds and put me on depakote with my lithium. He said he would get me off those in 2 years. I then lost my insurance. As such I haven't been to a doc or taken meds since probably sept or oct. I can't quite remember. For the most part I function okay. I can fake it till I make it like a pro. I have managed(barely) to hold onto my job and my husband hasn't given up on me yet. But I fear if he knows I'm having anxiety attacks again or that I've begun hearing things here and there he will commit me. And we can't afford that or to lose my income. I'm looking for insurance but can't afford any of it.

If you got to here. Thanks for reading my rambling convoluted mess up there. Meant to just say hi. Oh well.

Fefe

[tigersassy]

Hugs to you. Just wanted to let you know someone read. And welcome you.

-Tig

[wildflowerchild25]

Welcome. I understand the insurance issue. Maybe try to find a sliding scale clinic near you? There are a couple around me that take your finances into account when charging you for services. Once I paid only $35 to see a pdoc. And there are meds out there that aren't too expensive. You just have to get generic. I'm on trileptal and it costs about $60 a month until I meet my deductible. All the new stuff will be too expensive - latuda, abilify, saphris, even Seroquel XR (which is why I take it as a prn instead of all the time).

Anyway good luck, I hope you find a solution soon.

[wing]

You've come to the right place to meet people who have had experiences similar to yours. I'm glad you made it through.

[Manic Trance]

Hello Fefe!

I'm a 35 y/o father of 1 recently diagnosed Bipolar who also has ADHD. My bipolar has gotten worse recently, with regular black manic episodes followed by depression. I am a rapid cycler I guess, none of this lasts too long for me, the manic stuff is longer than the depression, but it's all pretty swift. I was doing a really good job managing my conditions working with diet and other life style stuff (quit smoking, drinking, etc...)... But then I went through a really busy period, some stressful times, that are always hard for my wife and I, which is also a trigger, and I'm back in the throws of black manias, depression, etc...

I am feeling totally hopeless right now, like no matter how much I think I am doing the right thing or something is working, it's always an illusion, and I am always heading right back for the bottom. Ugh...

Anyhow, not trying to bum you out. But your story resonates with me, I have pushed my family totally to the edge. I don't know what will happen. Trying to be back on here more, so I hope to hear from you, and good luck with your circumstance! Happy to support how ever I can.
MT

Originally Posted by feferock

Hi my name is felicia. I'm 28, married with 2 kids and I'm bipolar. I have also had an ADHD without hyperactivity and OCD diagnosises with it but that changes from doc to doc. I knew something was wrong after I had my daughter and I wanted to throw her through the window. Doc said it was ppd. A few months later I was being retested for my pseudotumor cerebri dx and had an EEG and was told I had add and bipolar. I'm not sure how that works but I guess my brainwaves were different. I went to a therapist to see what they said. I was in fact diagnosed with both. I went through many meds and finally gave up all of it. This caused me to go into a severe manic episode where I completely tore my family apart. Luckily I was able to mend it when I fell back to earth. I went back to the t and got back on meds. Nothing was working so I asked for Zoloft as it worked wonders after I had my daughter. They warned it could make me manic. And did it ever. I completely lost my grip on reality. Hearing things. Seeing trolls in the trees outside my house. Wanting to hurt and kill people. I tried to admit myself and they had no room so they sent me to day treatment which helped aside from the meds. They also added the OCD diagnosis. I was finally deemed fit to leave. I finally found some relief but was taking so many meds. I then switched doctors and was told I was only bipolar 2. He took me off almost all my meds and put me on depakote with my lithium. He said he would get me off those in 2 years. I then lost my insurance. As such I haven't been to a doc or taken meds since probably sept or oct. I can't quite remember. For the most part I function okay. I can fake it till I make it like a pro. I have managed(barely) to hold onto my job and my husband hasn't given up on me yet. But I fear if he knows I'm having anxiety attacks again or that I've begun hearing things here and there he will commit me. And we can't afford that or to lose my income. I'm looking for insurance but can't afford any of it.

If you got to here. Thanks for reading my rambling convoluted mess up there. Meant to just say hi. Oh well.

Fefe

[Roblovescats]

Fefe... You will find that we ALL ramble here and guess what? We read each other's ramblings... Because in them we see ourselves and our own struggles and realize that there are others who really do understand. Hugs !

~Sent from Dark Side of the Moon~

[swheaton]

We read, we help, we hug. You won't find a better group of people to talk to. Welcome.

[feferock]

Thanks you guys. I'm hoping in the next week or two to get some sort of insurance just for doctor visits alone( I'm sick quite a bit, and then there's my hypochondriac moments). I hadn't been back on as I work 3rd shift weekends and I've been sick so it was nice to come back on and see the responses.

Fefe

[Crazycatlady82]

Reading these things makes me so thankful to live in Canada. I'm so lucky we don't pay to see doctors or psychiatrist or to be in hospital for any amount of time. However that also comes with the crap parts, like waiting a year to get an appointment and only generic basic meds being covered that half the time don't work. No room in hospitals if you need them (unless you try to kill yourself they wont admit you)