[wanting]

I was just wondering if anyone else.Before they kney they where Biplar use to go and do self destructive things,such as go out and take loads of drugs they knew they couldnd handle as a kind of relief to the depressive period.i dunno maybe i should be posting on the self injury forum but no mind i would still like some input if there is ant to give lol.i ramble a bit recently.

[JonB]

Oh heck, I did all kinds of self-destructive things before I knew - and many after. It's certainly easier now that I know, but sometimes I still think I can self-medicate myself in a way that works better than my meds - but only for a very short time, of course. Then it all comes back to bite you in the ***.

For me though, I seem to get more self-destructive when I'm manic than when I'm depressed. Never seems like it at the time, but after I crash back down to earth I'm usually aware of all the stupid things I did that seemed to make perfect sense while I was flying high. Whether it's loads of chemicals or recklessness or buying 50 emergency blankets for everyone I know, it all seems perfectly reasonable when I'm doing it.

One of these days, I hope to get used to the middle of the road and find I like it there. Still waiting...

[biplol]

Wanting, I did and I still do. But like Jon said to me doesn't have to do wiht only depression, since I have rapid cyclin and I'm usually in mixed episodes, things can go wrong anytime, the difference is that when I'm depressive, I want to end it all, when I'm maniac, I feel like I'm unbreakeable, like nothing is going to get me, I thank God I haven't had any accidents in the streets that could've kill soembody else or me. My changing lanes during maniac can be pretty scary and I live in a crowded city wiht heavy traffic...

Did the drug & alcohol abuse before I was diagnosed & suicide attempts & running away from home (& this was when I was an adult). I mostly acted out when I was depressed.

When I was manic I spent a lot of money (which I did regret), signed up for every class or organization available. Volunteered for many things that I couldn't do once the depression hit, so I do regret my extreme behaviors.

Once I got the right meds I was able to quit drinking to excess & quit smoking! But before I sound like the poster child for bipolar disorder, I did have a period of hypomania recently that lasted for several months (boy, did that feel good) & then I crashed & overdosed so I'm still working on keeping stable.--Suzy

[darkeyes]

Welcome to PC, as well as the Bipolar forum,
The behaviour you mentioned is unfortunately not uncommon to Bipolar disorder.
This is one of several reasons why one should get professional help, medications, especially a mood stabilizer, combined with some talk therapy, and patient compliancy can work wonders.
Bipolar is not like a death sentence, may not be a total cure, but there are various courses of treatment that can help keep you on an even keel.
This destructive behaviour, many times is a way of getting away from the horrible dread, depression. Abuse of dtrugs and/or alcohol, to do so, is referred to as "self-medicating", may be a short term relief but long term complications and delay of proper treatment. I hope by you dropping in here and talking to the others, will give you some insight and support.
I, myself, find that coming here, to be supportive as well as a place that I've found many friends.
Take care now and never give up hope, I know that may be hard to do during our darkest of hours, but believe me with treatment and compliancy you can get through this.
Bless you,
DE

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