[Secretum]

So lately I've been having very rapid mood changes, from elation to serious depression. I also feel very guilty, hopeless, and paralyzed. I feel like life is one long thing to be endured, and I look forward to sleep more than anything else in life. My thoughts are all over the place, and I'm finding it hard to get organized enough to get anything done. I've been meaning to make a post about this for the past several days, but it was just too much to determine which category it belonged in and what to title it, let alone actually trying to write about the problem. I'm also hallucinating; hearing footsteps, seeing cats, smelling blood. I even heard a crystal clear voice say that my boss is evil (which he is not); I've never heard anything that clear before.

I recently started seeing a new therapist, who is also a psychiatrist. She won't prescribe for me, unfortunately, because "if I ever have severe symptoms, and she's not around, no one will be able to help me." (she is the only psychiatrist in the practice). So, she wants me to find a different pdoc for meds.

I'm thinking about calling my current pdoc who is out of state, who has handled my care for the past several years (therapist wants me to dump him because "I should see a local doc"). I just don't know if it is worth bothering him about this. It is very uncomfortable, but it is not life threatening. I see the new therapist on Friday, but I don't think I'll be able to convince her to prescribe for me.

[MagicsMom]

I don't understand why she won't prescribe for you. Her explanation makes no sense to me. I still talk to my psych doc on the phone every 2 weeks even though I just started with a new one. My old one is out of state and only takes cash. I'm kind of keeping him until I see if this new doctor is for me.

If you're hearing voices you clearly need medication. Can you go to the hospital?

[Secretum]

It doesn't make sense to me either...

I don't think I need the hospital, because I'm not a danger to myself or others. I think I'll try to keep it together the next few days, and if I can't I'll call my original pdoc.

Thanks for replying. It really means a lot to me!

[vjdragonfly]

That is just crazy cause you need help and what good is she? Isn't that the purpose of a psychiatrist? Sorry I'm not much help. That just blows my mind. If the out of state pdoc can help, I would definitely call him. Good luck and let us know how it all works out.

[Victoria'smom]

I understand her not wanting to be your long term provider as having 2 people to turn to is better than one just in case that one is not available. Ask her to set up an emergency appointment with a pdoc or ask her to prescribe for a month while you get into a pdoc.

[Secretum]

I'm going to hold on until Friday when I see the new therapist/pdoc again. Maybe just talking to someone will help me to deal with it. I felt really depressed and sui this morning, but I pushed through, refused to entertain the thoughts, made myself go to work. Now I'm doing slightly better. I think I'll be ok, but I'm kind of scared. I'm trying to be nice and gentle with myself; e.g. not beating myself up for not being as productive as I'd like. Simply staying alive is an accomplishment sometimes. I need to remember that.

On the plus side, the hallucinations have calmed down, and while my thoughts are still disorganized, it's not as bad. It's just that the depression is worse.

[Trippin2.0]

I'm so sorry you're going through such a rough time!!! (((((((((Secretum))))))))))

I hope your pdoc is able to help you, and I agree that she should either organise + recommend a back up pdoc, or treat you while you're in search of one.

Sending soothing, comforting hugs your way dear one.

[~Christina]

Secretum

So sorry your kind of stuck in the middle of Pdocs and T's .

I hope your able to get something set up that will work for you

[hamster-bamster]

Secretum,

I have read that when the voices aren't malevolent, the situation is not so bad. Say, had the voice said bad things about YOU, and not the boss, then the situation would have been dangerous because the next step would have been a voice telling you that you should hurt yourself to punish yourself for being a bad person.

I will try to find where I read that.

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[hamster-bamster]

http://www.theguardian.com/technolog...-schizophrenia

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[Secretum]

Today has been better. Thoughts are clearer (even managed to do a little writing!), hallucinations and paranoia have calmed down. Perhaps most importantly, I feel less depressed and sui. I'm on an upswing now. I just hope it doesn't turn around. :/