Tired of fighting bipolar. I think I was taught that work was the answer to all of your problems. Should've had help when I was young. Instead, diagnosed in middle ages. I want to work, but vocational rehab kicked me out due to being unstable. Been in treatment for 4 months. Feel like a total loser, and forced living with a parent who always yelled at me all the time when he got mad at me.
Just totally tired of fighting and tired of being alive. Any suggestions

[Curiosity77]

I don't have any suggestions, but I wanted to say that I don't think you are a loser. Don't give up!

[Noodles_320]

Don't give up! We have all been there. Keep fighting.

[Bipolarchic14]

I realize this won't help you financially but maybe you could start out volunteering somewhere. This will bring some meaning into your life without having to commit when you are feeling unstable. Then as/ if you become more stable you can look for a paying job and use the volunteer job on your resume. Regarding giving up...I've been there before but hang in there and hopefully things will improve.

[Cavaillon]

My father had obsessive compulsive disorder and always yelled at me and i am diagnosed with bipolar disorder, i took it as an opportunity as my mental illness and my father illness helped us excel in mathematics, they say creativity is linked with mental illness, so find something you can excel in, they say bipolars are good writers, like virginia woolf, ernest hemingway and many others, also in arts

[gris212]

I like volunteering idea. It'll help you feel good while helping out others.

I didn't know that about the creativeness as in writing. I like to write, working on a memoir of sorts.

[~Christina]

Sometimes when we are fighting to swim up stream so hard we are exhausted .. Why not just float for a little while ..

Anyway that is what I have done in the past and it has helped me.

[emeraldstars]

You are so new to the fight but that doesn't mean it won't get better. It can do just that with patience and time. Sometimes it is hard to see the end of the tunnel when we feel so far away from it. Keep pushing forward, volunteer if you can, and don't give up. Believe it will get better and one day you may notice and realize that slowly it did. Eme

[littlemiss44]

Originally Posted by Lmciyah

Tired of fighting bipolar. I think I was taught that work was the answer to all of your problems. Should've had help when I was young. Instead, diagnosed in middle ages. I want to work, but vocational rehab kicked me out due to being unstable. Been in treatment for 4 months. Feel like a total loser, and forced living with a parent who always yelled at me all the time when he got mad at me.
Just totally tired of fighting and tired of being alive. Any suggestions

First of all you are not alone in this. I do understand and so do others here. ♡ you are not a loser. Never give up. I too had horrible parents who yelled at me and emotionally abused me growing up. I can't imagine how hard it must be to be Living under the same roof with yr abusive parent. A suggestion I could offer is to look into getting ssd and you can get it and still work pt. That is what I do and I can handle it. I have my ups and downs tho. My stability comes and goes which is why I'm on social security disability. I too needed much help when I was younger but no body paid any attention to me. I can relate to what you are going thru. Please know that We are here for you. Do you have other diagnoses too or just bipolar? I'm not minimizing yr condition at all. Just trying to understand so I might be able to offer other suggestions? I'm going to start volunteering at nami soon. Do you have one close to you? That's the National alliance for mentally ill.

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[swheaton]

You are NOT a loser!

Have been treated for depression in the past. Diagnosed in hospital with ocd a while back. Also degenerative disc disease. Herniated disc in 1994. Arthritis has completely eroded that disc as it no longer is visible via an MRI result. I have not had a little doctor care. I am a man. We are taught to suck it up and tough it out and only go to a doctor if it is a life or death situation. I wish I could change. I am trying. Ever since back diagnosis in 94, I have always lived with extreme, I mean extreme paranoia with jobs as far as job security goes. That paranoia probably has not been good for the mind. But it's because I fear for how I will provide for myself. It is was not for the parent, I would be homeless living on the street.
Seriously, my last job when I was fired, I applied for unemployment. Thank God the unemployment appeals hearing was on the phone so I did not have to confront my previous employer, but anyway, he told the claims officer that he had to fire me because he thought that I was going to hurt someone. Now I never ever felt intimated or angry enough to to do something like that, however let me explain what happened. A couple of weeks before I was fired, I had been at work for 7 hours without taking lunch. I decided I needed to go get something because I was almost at migraine stage. I was outside in the parking lot. Boss came out and wanted me to do something during my lunch. I told him I would be right back and do it and told him I was hungry. He cursed at me and honestly, he grabbed me by by arm. Grabbed me by my arm. I absolutely hate anyone touching me, especially when they are pissed off at me and cussing me. That's like someone trying to start a physical confrontation. All I did was snatch my arm out of his hand. He then told me to go to gd lunch. I did and was back in 20 minutes. I think he either thought I would quit (as he closed the business and sold it 3 months after firing me). Anyway, he didn't want to have to pay me unemployment, and threw me under the bus. He wound up telling my coworkers that I cussed him out and they all believed him because he was the town's previous mayor for years.
So all of that really wacked me out as well. But I will admit I have had some anger issues, especially when overly manic. It more or less extreme irritability, and makes me hard to be around.
My therapist told me a month ago that I need disability and should get it because being around people is an issue. I just don't know if I am going to be able to hold it together and get it all started.

Oh yea, the pain with my back issue has been so bad at times I have nearly ended it on 2 or 3 occasions. I've quit jobs due to it. And, I've been fired for verbal outbursts at 2 jobs in last 6 years. And I got real depressed once several years back and kind of forcefully asked my boss at the time for a raise. He instantly rather than firing me, he laid me off. So that would have made 3. That happened in 2005. My hospitalization happened in 1999. So this has all been an ongoing and escalating event.
Thanks for all of your support, encouragement, and concerns. I am so glad that I have found this site.