[feferock]

I feel like I must not have bipolar. I've been reading post after post and I feel like I'm not severe enough to be bipolar. It seems that since I'm not on meds or therapy I shouldn't be functioning. The fact that I am makes me doubt it. Do I have moments? Yes but usually my best friend gets me back to reality within days. I feel like I'm just a lazy mean person who likes sleep and I occasionally hear things that aren't there. I don't know. I've never even been suicidal(my t called me homicidal when I saw her) because I was too selfish to want to inflict pain on myself. But recently I've thought about it a time or two. But not because I was depressed. Well maybe a little. Mainly because my husband and I were fighting and it all seemed never ending and hopeless and with everything he was saying I felt like I was nothing and didn't understand why I was born or continued living. But then I talked to my friend for a few days and my husband was nicer so I came back to reality.

Fefe(28) -bipolar II
Hubby(28)
Son(8)-aspergers and possibly ADHD and odd
Daughter(5)

[wildflowerchild25]

I was off meds and out of treatment for six years. I had my moments like you said but if I waited long enough they passed. I wasn't suicidal and I didn't hurt myself. I actually disparaged my old pdocs for dx'ing me with BP. Thought they were all idiots.

And then it all came back.

But my pint is even if it never gets that severe it doesn't mean you don't have it and it doesn't mean you need meds and therapy to function. But honestly it depends on how you feel. If it doesn't significantly impact your life the. There's no reason to carry around the label. But also remember that even if YOU don't see it, your friends and family might.

It doesn't have to be severe to count.

[catsrhelm]

Call me nuts, but there are shades of bi-polar. Cyclothymia is the lightest shade whereas having been hospitalized for bi-polar I (like I have) is the darkest. Also bi-polar has it's cycles. I have my days where I am mood stabilized and feel like any Jo Anne. However, I also have my depressed days (like today) and my mania days where I feel good. So you could be just on a Jo Anne day.

[Victoria'smom]

I think it depends on the person. I never think I'm that bad, yes this is coming from me. I wouldn't say I'm suicidal often but I can get homicidal when manic. Im more self injuries when manic. Yes recent post talked about me being suicidal but that has more to do with "seeing" myself do the act than feeling suicidal. I only started taking medicine because a psychiatrist convinced me to try. I only started therapy because I was convinced my husband's therapist was going to commit me not because of bipolar. He only sought help because he needed a work excuse and release for being absent for a week and a half because of mania. I swear we're worse now knowing what"normal" is.

I'm good at pulling myself together. Usually I don't recognize my mood swings and I'm able to hide well. It is only until I let people into what I'm really thinking that they realize. My husband use to be able to pull me out after a couple of days to at least functional but medicated depression is different than non medicated depression. My psychiatrist and therapist regularly tell both myself and my husband that it's not our jobs to pull each other out of our episodes or do damage control for the other when manic that's there job. It sounds like your friend has taken away the professional's job which maybe unknowingly unfair to them.
Actually my bipolar as severe as it is while still being functional is not my main concern but I have learned my family's main concern is actually a side effect of my bipolar.

Edited to add: I have never been hospitalised it's actually in my treatment plan to not have me hospitalised no matter what as it damages my overall recovery.

[nowIgetit]

I went through this for a long time. I have a tentative dx of bipolar 2 (from GP, waiting to see pdoc for confirmation although I do think that's correct, my mom is bipolar also). I am very high functioning and always have been, did great in school, have two degrees and a good job. Where it affected me most was my interpersonal relationships. I won't go into detail but I have been a horrible friend, wife, mom and employee at times. And it was always so easy for me to apologize a week or two later and blame it on stress, or something else going on at the time. This is the thing. There is ALWAYS going to be an excuse for your mood swings if you want there to be.

It doesn't have to be severe to be real! I have never been hospitalized and I have only felt suicidal twice in my life. Once when I was 8 (I know!) and once a few months ago. The last one is what prompted me to seek help. my husband/son/friends don't deserve to deal with this.

When I went on meds (lamictal and prozac) I felt "normal" (ha) for the first time in YEARS. so that convinced me. I don't care about the label or dx, I care about how I feel, and I feel more stable than I have in a long time. if your life is more stable on meds than without, I'm not sure it matters what you call it. but long term, untreated bipolar can cause a lot of health issues and also tends to get worse as far as the mood episodes themselves. that is a big part of what prompted me to seek help, also.

sorry I am rambling, I just wanted to say, just because you don't think you are "severe enough" doesn't mean you aren't bipolar. it can be mild. it's a spectrum after all...and also remember that going through phases where you "feel fine" and don't think you need any help is pretty typical of the illness. the hardest part of this all is just acknowledging/admitting you might need help. at least for me. because that's part of it, that you go through phases of feeling great and or "fine."

[feferock]

Thanks everyone. I'd go through phases while on meds and convince myself I was fine. But I haven't been on meds in months. I have moments like I said but I do get pulled out of them. And to the person who said my best friend is taking the t job I just want to say I don't have a t right now so I kind of need her. I do the same for her(we are both bipolar. Met in day treatment. We call it mental school)

I have a dx of bipolar II from multiple sources and in the past I definitely felt it but lately I'm doing quite well. Even my pdoc told me in what turned out to be our last session that he'd have me off the meds in 2 years. So I figure he must see something I don't.

Fefe(28) -bipolar II
Hubby(28)
Son(8)-aspergers and possibly ADHD and odd
Daughter(5)

[Nightside of Eden]

I'm also Bipolar II and have never been hospitalized or attempted suicide. Though, really, the only reason I get to keep my freedom is because I fear being locked up more than anything. I have the state statutes memorized and even in the depths of my worst mood episodes the careful responses to the authorities' questions that I've memorized are what I speak. Even in a depression-related dissociative black-out, I convinced trained first responders that I was perfectly fine (a feat I'm rather proud of). When I asked for help, I phrased my request very carefully. Because I'm a professional writer, I'm very attuned to how what I say will sound to others, and so I never voice the thoughts I know will sound crazy. I'm also extremely strong-willed and goal-oriented, so I accomplish things despite the madness going on in my head. All this serves to mask the real severity of my bipolar and make me appear so high-functioning it's hard to get people to believe there's anything wrong with me at all.

[feferock]

I wasn't hospitalized because there wasn't room for me. They referred me to mental school which I went to for about a month before I pushed for them to discharge me since it was very difficult on my husband and family and my kids. And then I had to successfully convince everyone I could be around my kids without homicidal thoughts. But since then I've not wanted to harm my children or husband again.

Fefe(28) -bipolar II
Hubby(28)
Son(8)-aspergers and possibly ADHD and odd
Daughter(5)

[SickOfSadness]

Originally Posted by feferock

I feel like I must not have bipolar. I've been reading post after post and I feel like I'm not severe enough to be bipolar. It seems that since I'm not on meds or therapy I shouldn't be functioning. The fact that I am makes me doubt it. Do I have moments? Yes but usually my best friend gets me back to reality within days. I feel like I'm just a lazy mean person who likes sleep and I occasionally hear things that aren't there. I don't know. I've never even been suicidal(my t called me homicidal when I saw her) because I was too selfish to want to inflict pain on myself. But recently I've thought about it a time or two. But not because I was depressed. Well maybe a little. Mainly because my husband and I were fighting and it all seemed never ending and hopeless and with everything he was saying I felt like I was nothing and didn't understand why I was born or continued living. But then I talked to my friend for a few days and my husband was nicer so I came back to reality.

Fefe(28) -bipolar II
Hubby(28)
Son(8)-aspergers and possibly ADHD and odd
Daughter(5)

I can really relate to this...

It sounds like BP2 to me. Personally, I dont get the elated feeling with my hypomania, I get extremely agitated, then depressed. I also was questioning my dx and just thinking that I was a mean bi**h (who also loves to sleep lol), until I read something on a BP blog on here about irritability.

BP2 is milder than BP1, at least mine is. I've also never been hospitalized or suicidal. I hope this helps. :-)

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[SickOfSadness]

Oh, and I have also been functioning 'normally' all of my life. With the exception (with the exception of some racing thoughts, irritability, and difficulty paying attention sometimes, mainly due to the racing thoughts)

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[nowIgetit]

EXACTLY what sickofsadness said. before my GP suggested bp2 I had wondered if something might be wrong with me but didn't think bp "fit" because I never have the good kind of mania - I get extremely irritable and have difficulty concentrating/sleeping, and have a lot of anger and overreacting to things. typical "sorry I'm just stressed out and having a bad day" stuff I mentioned that to her and she explained that especially in bp2 you can have mainly depression with bursts of anger/irritability as your form of "mania" along with periods of normalcy in between. you don't have to be hospitalized or homicidal/suicidal to have a bp dx, and at least for me I had a hard time recognizing/acknowledging I may need treatment because of this.

[hamster-bamster]

I personally think that an increased need for sleep is a symptom of bp, as is a decreased need, too. Hope this helps not to call yourselves lazy bums for sleeping longer.

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[feferock]

I loooove sleep. I would stay asleep all day if I could.

Fefe(28) -bipolar II
Hubby(28)
Son(8)-aspergers and possibly ADHD and odd
Daughter(5)