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#1
Mar 09, 2014, 01:54 AM
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So my ad/ap no longer allows me to indulge in my eating disorder in episode. For some reason since I have an intense desire to self harm on top of my suit thoughts. I have never ever sh while depressed until this episode. I do SH when delusional or manic. T's already assessed me for sui risk and probably will Monday too. I can't really talk to anyone irl because everyone is so happy the med took away ED but this is so much worse of a side effect. I'm so scared T is going to have me IP because of this. Meds are suppose to help!!! Any advice? I feel like I was better w/o meds. I don't need lasting physical repercutions on my skin from BP.
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Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
 Resident Bipolar, wildflowerchild25
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#2
Mar 09, 2014, 12:09 PM
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Are you sure it's a side effect of medication though? It sounds like it may be a control issue. Both behaviors are a way of exerting control. Perhaps because you no longer feel like using ED you have substituted SI. I know that during my teenage here I would go back and forth between the two. When I was 15 I was out in the state psych hospital for children for four months. I couldn't SI because it was summer and we were required to go swimming, so it would have been hard to hide - had staff seen, I would have been put on 1:1 and kept longer. So for the summer I severely restricted calories and exercised as much as possible, including pacing for hours in the rec room when we weren't allowed outside.
It happened a couple of times when I found myself unable to use SI. My point is that I don't necessarily think SI Is worse than ED, it just shows outwardly. ED is just as dangerous, if not moreso. You have said quite a few times that you think you were better without meds, and I know how much you hate taking medication. That could cause you to attribute things as side effects that aren't necessarily. I do hope you don't tAke offense to anything I have said. I feel your pain and I sincerely hope you are able to find peace soon.
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Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
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#3
Mar 09, 2014, 12:27 PM
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The side effect is that it took away my ED which means I seem to fall back to SI. The thing with SI vs ED is SI leave outer scaring and room for error which is why I feel I feel its more dangerous.
__________________
Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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#4
Mar 09, 2014, 12:42 PM
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Yes, I understand the logic. I just hope you feel better soon. The only time I SI'ed as a direct effect of meds was when I took an AD with nothing to counteract it. That was no good.
__________________
Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
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