Losing It

I saw my pdoc the week before last and stopped taking my Geodon during the day cause it was making me tired. It seems like that also cured my depression. Maybe a little too much. Does anyone else feel like you're on the brink of losing it when you go manic? I don't even know how to describe it really, other than I feel like I'm on the brink of sanity. I feel like one wrong move is going to push me over the edge.

On a side note, my wife thinks I'm a borderline alcoholic. She says I drink too much, especially since I drink to get drunk. I've drank three out of the last 4 nights, and I'm probably going to drink tonight too, to finish off what I have left. I don't know, maybe I do have a problem, but it's not like I do this every week. I won't tell my pdoc about my drinking because she said I shouldn't drink at all. I just don't know.

I can relate to that feeling so much! When I am on the edge of a manic episode I describe the feeling as "watching the world from above." That is the only way I can accurately put that feeling into words.

I know how hard it is to keep taking medications when they just don't seem to help, or the side effects seem too much to handle. It really stinks! However, I really think you should discuss going off them with your PDoc. For your own safety at least. I know if I miss a couple doses for whatever reason my mood tends to **** fast. I think that is why PDocs prefer you to ween slowly most times or find a better fit.

Do you thibk you drink too much? Is it a problem if your life? Do you feel like alcohol interferes with your medications? Those are all questions I would be asking myself if I was in your situation. I can't drink though because of my medications.

I tried to go off geodon and for me it was disastrous. It made my depression much worse. As for a drinking problem i can give my perspective cause I lived it. I drank to get drunk. I drank on my psych meds and I didn't care. Then one day I was facing a huge episode for which I drank even more. The next day I felt really awful so I went to my Dr. My blood pressure was so high it was at stroke level. From that day on I knew I had a problem with alcohol. We are told not to drink alcohol while on these meds. I drank anyways. Then my health was in jeopardy. I decided to quit all together. It was explained to me that drinking on these meds makes them not work properly. So taking psych meds with alcohol put me into a bad episode. It's because the meds effectivness is diminished greatly when throwing alcohol into the mix. Given all this I now don't have alcohol in my life and I'm much more stable because of it. Just be careful with yr self.

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I did change my geodon with my pdocs blessing. I'm still taking my full dose I just take it all at night now instead of half in the morning.

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That's good that you changed up yr geodon schedule with yr pdoc. I hope what I wrote about the drinking issue helps you. For me it was so incredibly hard to give up alcohol all together. I loved drinking. For me to stop I had to have a big consequence happen. I hope I've helped you think about it. It's all entirely up to you. :-)

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I'm definitely thinking about the drinking. I was looking up information about AA today, and toying with the idea of going to a meeting. However, I'm afraid to go, afraid that I don't have "enough" of a problem to be there. Of course, I say that after I went to the gas station to buy more alcohol. Maybe I have more of a problem than I am willing to admit.

Yes, I feel exactly like I'm on the edge of insanity as I go upward toward manic. Depression for me is a much more stable feeling.

As for the drinking, how often do you drink to get drunk? If it's a few days ever once in while (like months apart,) then maybe just analyze why you are doing it right then, what's triggering it? If you do this regularly, such as every month, then that might be a red flag. Or if you drink every day even not to get drunk, that could be a red flag too.

The drinking can be sorta sporadic. I may not drink for 2-3 weeks then I may get drunk 3 or 4 nights in a row two or three weeks in a row.

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Well, if you're not ready for AA maybe talk to your T about it if you have one? Every 2-3 weeks is actually pretty frequent to get drunk for 3-4 nights in a row.

I'm a recovering alcoholic who binge-drank, but even though I sometimes went as long as a year between binges, every time I did drink it was for the express purpose of getting plowed! There are entire six-month periods of my life that I don't even remember.....funny, the same thing happens with mania, I get blackouts like I did when I was drinking heavily.

Anyway, I quit drinking on January 1, 1992 and with the exception of OD'ing on Ativan once a few months ago, I've stayed sober. Now that I'm on so many different kinds of meds (my psych meds are only about half of them), I couldn't drink now if I wanted to......there's too many ways to mess up my liver, and I already have issues with it as it is.

Bottom line is, you don't have to drink daily or be falling-down-drunk all the time to have an alcohol problem. We're certainly in good company; the experts say as many as 60% of bipolar people have substance-abuse issues. I think we often do it to cope with mania and depression; as I look back, I can see a lot of those ups and downs, and my drinking behaviors reflected that, even though I didn't know at the time that I was bipolar.

Just a few thoughts....

I do notice that I tend to drink when I get manic

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Mania and drinking go hand in hand I have noticed in my life. I used to drink a lot before I was diagnosed bipolar. I have a handle on it now though. Its no where as bad as it used to be.

Being bipolar can definitely be a reason why you drink so much, and maybe you don't think you have a problem. Denial is one major part of alcoholism. I know I denied it for years, I still do even though I still have a couple of glasses of wine every two weeks.

Do what you feel is best, and if you really feel like going over the edge you should talk to someone about it. Do you have a therapist?

I can tell you that I'm a member of aa. It's not necessarily how much or even when. It's more of the why do you drink? Drinking to get drunk is not a good sign. You have every right to go to an AA mtg just to see. You'll hear stories from others who are alcoholic. I would encourage you to go. It's not a good sign that you drink while on psych meds. I can say that cause I did it for years and it made my illbess that much worse. It's not my place to say you have a drinking problem. That is something you'll have to decide on yr own. If you find that you do have a problem that is the first and hardest step to make. But you'd find relief once you did figure it out. AA is for anyone who thinks they might have a problem or for those that know they have a problem. Many people go to mtgs while still drinking to see if it's right for them. Don't limit yr self. Don't be afraid. If we lived in the same city I would take you. That is another beautiful part of the program. We are very supportive of eachother like I am with you right now. It's scarey to think of walking into a room full of strangers but you'll feel welcome I guarantee it.

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I guess if I'm being brutally honest I don't want to admit I have a problem. I seem to have enough problems with my MI without adding alcohol to the list.

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No one EVER wants to admit they have a problem. Like I said it is the first and hardest step to take. Its good that yr being honest about it! I never wanted to give up my drink. I loved to drink. It was my best friend. I walked thru the doors of aa still drinking. I would just hate for you to have a disastrous consequence in order to quit if you think you have a problem. Like others here have said it is very common for us...bipolar peeps...to have a drinking problem. I'm just trying to be helpful and I hope I'm not over stepping my bounds. Just the fact that I continued to drink when I wasn't suppose to on my meds made me an alcoholic. I loved sitting at home with my bottle of wine or six pack drinking the night away. You say you have enough problems with yr mi abd you don't want to add alcohol to the list? Hec I don't blame you. It's just one more thing. But it could be the one thing that is making yr mi that much worse to deal with. You can pm me so we can talk more about it?

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