My Mother is my biggest trigger

Hi,

Does anyone else have a person in their life who is a really bad trigger? My Mom's comments make me so freaking mad Today she calls about us having a house ready to sell because my Dad's paying the mortgage. I told her my husband and I would love to have it on the market yesterday, but he has to work jobs that pay for a while so we can pay our bills. Then, I told her part of the reason I was in the psych ward a week ago was finanical stress. This just goes in one ear and out the other because she keeps harping on how much $ they are having to pay each month (I have no idea where the "we" comes from bc my Mom never worked). She also tells me I need to get a PT job as soon as my meds are fixed. She says a PT job will get me out of the house. Even though she knows I regulary go to AA mtgs, walk 5 miles every weekday and jobs including volunteering have made me manic. And the reason I own the house we need to sell in the first damn place is bc I bought it when I was manic!?

Then she lectures me on why my blood pressure in so high, which was an issue in the psych ward. She tells me to walk every day - yeah that's a good idea maybe I'll have a stroke because as she knowsI still am not on meds that work. Then, I need to go on the Dash diet because high blood pressure is about diet. We ate dinner with her a few days ago, and she started lecturing me on salt after she didn't listen to me telling her the hospital said my sodium levels are normal. She is constantly telling me that I never used to be overweight after I explain some of the 7 different meds I'm on cause weight gain. She also seems to have forgotten my past issues with anorexia.

I swear 90% of the reason I'm in therapy is my Mother. She is an adult child of 2 alcoholic parents, and had to make the decision to take her child off of life support. She is desperatly in need of therapy and/or meds, but noooo my parents do not have any "mental" illnesses. I can't even tell them I was in the hospital for PTSD. My Dad, a retired Army Col., doesn't believe in ptsd. He also doesn't believe I have issues because who could remember what happpened at a young age.
I also will never inform them that at the hospital they increased
my diagnosis to Bipolar 1, major deperessive disorder, ptsd, add, addiction, and possible borderline personality. I will also never tell them I was inpatient for suicidal ideation. They don't know about any of my suicide attemps. When I told my Mom at age 12 about my sexual abuse by their friends son, she said you should of told us earlier bc your Dad is a higher rank and could of had his Dad fired???!!! Did I get any therapy? No way!

I just can't seem to get thru to her, and I'm going to be spending less time with her for my own sanity (we live in the same town). It's no wonder why I'm a drug/alcohol addict. This level of dsyfunction would drive anyone to search for an escape.

Thanks for letting me vent; I have to get this **** out so I don't resort to drug abuse after I picked up my one year chip.

tnt

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/05/15/he...dium.html?_r=0

send this to Mom, to at least stop her from preaching the dash diet

My dad is a big trigger for me...I haven't told my parents about a lot of stuff either.

My dad was in the military too and he is kinda rough also.

It's ok to have a dysfunctional family.

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Do I ever hear the OP. Same problems here. Mine doesn't listen and hear either.

My whole freaking family of origin is a huge trigger mom, dad, sister, brother. And they are on their way here for the weekend! Wish me luck!

Congratulations on 1 year! My mother is a big trigger for me also. She is so dang critical!!! Everything I do is wrong. She is always getting a jag in about my weight. I need to exercise, eat right. You know the drill, it sounds like. Good luck with your mom in the future.

my mom youst 2 heart me.

While I feel for anyone and everyone who's family drives them nuts (my mom's ignorance used to wind me up a lot) I don't understand what you guys mean by them being triggers...

Do they trigger actual bipolar episodes?
If that's the case, that must be really rough I can't even imagine that (well to a certain degree I kinda can, because I have bpd and get triggered into mini-sodes by certain ppl) but still, I can't imagine what life would be like if people triggered my bp too...

Guess I should be glad my bp is so random.

So sorry your mom can be such an idiot. I'm glad you chose to protect your sobriety and vent here instead.

Mothers definitely know how to push the buttons.

I agree I'm glad you decided to vent here rather than risk your sobriety! Luckily I have a small but close family. The only reason my mom understands is she is a therapist.

You guys correct me if i'm wrong, but I'm thinking trigger in the trauma memory/reaction sense (as opposed to say, lack of sleep triggering -- in the sense of precipitating-- a BP episode).

Triggering like in a PTSD kind of way. There are certain things, that if I witness, I find myself shaking, heart in throat, or curled up and turned away because it is like it's happening all over again, even though it's been many many years and even if whatever is currently happening doesn't involve anyone I know. (All this and it's not even one of my dxs(!))

Button-pushing --to me-- seems like a cousin to that. Someone using something they know will upset someone else in order to manipulate them. Even if they do it subconsciously, history has shown them that certain actions or words on their part, will elicit a certain response (trigger a reaction) in another. So they'll use this information in order to get what they want. Or take a power trip. Depends on their motivation.

That's just me pondering…

( tnt. My mother used to step on my last nerve so badly that even at 1500 miles, I had to cut off ties with her. Dealing with her was certainly doing nothing to help my mental health, that's for sure. She's a real piece of work. It's soooo strange though….She doesn't have any mental problems, no sir-ee! Yeah, right. Soooo feel you on that…)

Family or not, there are just some people who really send me over the edge. I stay away from them.

I guess I mean "trigger" in a few ways, but I wanted to post in the bipolar forum because that is my most difficult diagnosis. She triggers my sobriety, anxiety, self-destruction, and bipolar in the sense that my parents never have and never will try to understand what I'm up against. Bipolar should mean that I can still function and be a little puppet on her whim. Bipolar is not a valid excuse for not being able to handle family reunions, dinner parties, funerals etc. If I can't show up and shape up I'm a bad/dramatic/selfish person who needs to get her act together. AA, therapy, and mental diagnosis are ugly things we don't want to talk about. We will not air the family's dirty laundry; the proper thing to do is to make a nice impression. After all what will the neighbors think?

Any contact with my family and i will have a setback in terms of not taking good care of myself, either dietwisr or not showering or some other homecare or hygiene thing. Im getting old and cant afford any more setbacks. But yeah i would call the mother a trigger.

I'm with you, my mother is the queen B. I've been asking her for money from my inheritance so that I can go to a nice and good psych hospital instead of the state hospital. Today my ex mother in law and my ex husband drove 5hrs each way to finish packing my house. The reason they were there was to pick me up and take me to the psych hospital. I called the QB she didn't answer, called an aunt of mine, was worried, she called a cousin, also worried. Cousin's mother is QB best friend, she told my cousin to tell me they don't care. And this is my money my father left me for emergencies and such. My mother would rather see me go to the state hospital with all the criminals than do the right thing and enable me to go to a good hospital.

That is how much my mother loves me

I'm sorry live2ski! We ( my husband and I) are in a tight financial bind. My parents keep on whining about the $1k their paying monthly for the mortgage. But they've offered & insisted to pay for Abilify. My mom called me in the psych ward to tell me I had to have the pdocs put me on Abilify. Actually, every time she called it was to break my balls. I'm staying on seroquel bc I don't need another damn reason to be under their thumb. If I don't want to do stuff with them I always am asked if I'm on my meds or told I need Abilify. Yet, they have no interest or knowledge of why I'm not up for every damn dinner at their house. My AA sponsor told me that when my mom starts talking **** to say my Dr/therapist/sponsor said I can't discuss these things bc it makes my anxiety level go too high. And I need to repeat myself bc my mom has never, ever respected my boundaries.

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My.family is extremely dysfunctional! My parents are my biggest triggers. They are fake and live a very fake life. I'm so glad you came here. I too suffer from addiction, bp, bpd, adhd and ptsd. It's excellent that you are clean and sober! Don't give in to their negativity. It will only harm you in the long run. Protect yr self. Have little contact with them as much as possible. Keep us posted on how yr doing. You are on the right track. Be easy on yr self. Take care hug

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Thanks so much, littlemiss. That's a great way of describing my parents - fake life. It's like trying to emulate the families on T.V. life isn't always pretty and happy endings are not prevalent. We do have a lot of the same illnesses! On being sober my mom asked how long do I have to go to AA, and do I talk about her in mtgs?! They act as if all my drug & alcohol abuse, rehabs, and disturbing behavior never happened. I will take your advice on limiting my contact. Last night for the first time since the holidays she made me want to get hammered.

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My sister is one of my major triggers. I love her to death, but she makes me crazy. She is 67 and I'm 55, but she still treats me like a "baby sister" who doesn't know her butt from a hole in the ground. She also likes to push my buttons when we're around other family members, presumably to get a rise out of me, and then she can point to my reaction as evidence that I'm unstable and need care. Her care.

She even thinks I should move in with her at her assisted-living facility if/when my husband passes away because she believes I'll need a caregiver. Well, there are times when I do need one, but she isn't it, and there's no way I'd qualify for AL because I'm totally independent. Thank goodness! Again, I love her a lot, but I truly WOULD go insane if I had to live with her.

My mom is a trigger for me as well. Not to blame her, but I do think that a lot of my problems are from how I grew up. She was an alcoholic and drug attic until she turned 49 (she's supposedly clean now, but who knows). She also has MI.

I just had to move my alcoholic uncle in with me (mind u, we haven't spoken in yrs, mainly b/c of my mom) b/c he had no where else to go. Of corse he's drinking again. He's been in the hospital 3x in 3mo to detox I told him that this was his last chance and he continues to drink. So he is now a trigger for me.

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That's awful BipolarNurse making you react to display your illness. A person with zero illnesses would react if their buttons were pushed. Also, being around family is majorly stressful without a person egging me on to react. I wonder if she thinks she could gain control of your money if you went into assisted living?? My parents have a friend who put their daughter in a home for Bipolar, so I guess these kind of places exist. Don't let her in on your medical transcripts or any suicide ideation. Just saying - she sounds like trouble and s major stressor.

Take Care. Tnt

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That is an enormous amount of stress! I'll bet you've spent your life being the parent more than the child. Have you ever gone to an Alanon mtg? I go sometimes bc of my husband's off and on drinking. And you should not be expected to spend another ten years or whatever to help your uncle!! Alanon taught me that my husband's drinking isn't about me so I shouldn't take it personally. When he drinks I remove myself from the situation. I can't make the diagnosis of alcoholic, only he can do that and only he can sober up or get help.

Take Care of yourself. ♥

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Ever hear that expression, my Mum can push all of buttons because she is the one who installed them?

I think I went to Alanon when I was young a couple of times. I know I shouldn't take it personally. But it bothers me. I just really don't want him in my house at this point. It's obvious that he's not going to quit. But he literally has no where else to go. He's an hour and a half from his hometown now, but he doesn't even have anywhere to go there if I get him back out there. I'm really in a pickle now. I have some guilt issues, so it's hard for me to just give him the boot.

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I'm really sorry about that, sickofsadness. I hate to think you're losing time to heal and work on your own issues bc you're babysitting. It's very hard to be around alcoholism. I almost ruined my marriage with my drug & alcohol problem. I now see how I acted more like a spoiled kid than a wife. Your in my thoughts!!

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