[bumble2u]

I am confused, maybe I don't really understand very much about this "illness".

Recently I stopped taking my meds, which according to the world pushed me into mania. My H found out about me not taking meds and is checking I take them. So.. yes things are different I am not seeing triangles and geometry everywhere. Everybody's happy that I am not being such a pain in the arse to live with.

Normally after this kind of thing I would get a huge crash but for some reason I feel really different. I have been thinking about Sui a lot, I am furious a lot (but try to keep it contained), I feel like I am constantly running in my head but I am quiet. I drive at silly speeds in my car with incredibly loud music and no seatbelt. and I will not deliberate on my thoughts here.

I have been quite tearful in my social anxiety and alch sessions which I would never usually show. My H thinks well now I am back on my meds it's all ok. I don't feel ok. I know I am sleeping and all that so I should be fine but if i could switch off the world like a light I would.

I guess I'm wondering if maybe this could be a mixed episode, i don't really know. If it is, what do I do to get out of it?

[JoyDivision7680]

What does "H" stands for?
From what I know, this could be a mixed episode, probably I'm going through one right now, after five days of hypomania preceded by a long depressive episode. You might try doing some exercise, I heard it helps a little.

[bumble2u]

Originally Posted by JoyDivision7680

What does "H" stands for?
From what I know, this could be a mixed episode, probably I'm going through one right now, after five days of hypomania preceded by a long depressive episode. You might try doing some exercise, I heard it helps a little.

H stands for husband Yes, going to take the dog out in a bit. My mood is fluctuating throughout the day, From new and incredible super plans to an impulse to annihilate myself. My psych said she thought I was mixed at a previous appt. But I was quiet last time so I don't know what she thought.

[TheatreKid]

The main features of mixed episodes for me are anger and anxiety. I'm afraid I haven't found a way out of them. Usually I crash. It's good to keep in contact with your therapist and psychiatrist, make sure they know what you're feeling.

[Capriciousness]

I am often very confused about it all. I think we all just have our own version of this illness and we just have to learn about ours over the years as much as possible. It drives me crazy (crazier? Hehe) trying to pull the dsm template over everything. But yes I know that it is helpful to as well. But I don't know what you are going through. Sounds like bipolar to me

[outlaw sammy]

Originally Posted by bumble2u

I am confused, maybe I don't really understand very much about this "illness".

Recently I stopped taking my meds, which according to the world pushed me into mania. My H found out about me not taking meds and is checking I take them. So.. yes things are different I am not seeing triangles and geometry everywhere. Everybody's happy that I am not being such a pain in the arse to live with.

Normally after this kind of thing I would get a huge crash but for some reason I feel really different. I have been thinking about Sui a lot, I am furious a lot (but try to keep it contained), I feel like I am constantly running in my head but I am quiet. I drive at silly speeds in my car with incredibly loud music and no seatbelt. and I will not deliberate on my thoughts here.

I have been quite tearful in my social anxiety and alch sessions which I would never usually show. My H thinks well now I am back on my meds it's all ok. I don't feel ok. I know I am sleeping and all that so I should be fine but if i could switch off the world like a light I would.

I guess I'm wondering if maybe this could be a mixed episode, i don't really know. If it is, what do I do to get out of it?

Hi Verdana,

I've had countless number of episodes (mania, mixed, depression) while taking my meds. Taking your meds is no guarantee of freedom from bipolar symptoms. Meds allegedly reduce the frequency and intensity of episodes. I believe they reduce the frequency, but for me, the intensities have always been just as severe.

As to the description of your symptoms - I'd bet that you're in a mixed state of mind. Your psych may want to change your meds or give you a temporary prescript for a tranquilizer. But I usually just ride my manic and mixed episodes out and clean up the wreckage later.

[JoyDivision7680]

I'm not sure either wheter if you're having a mixed one or you're very rapid cycling

[bumble2u]

I really don't know I have terrible impulses at the moment especially whilst driving. Outwardly with other people I am kind of outgoing, inwardly screaming. I keep going from super tired to very sparkly. Usually I am very reserved on Facebook and such but today I have been joining in, I want to explode . All these conflicting moods are like sand paper scraping down a wall. I am a bit afraid that I'm going to act on my darker impulses but I don't get why? But I am taking my meds again as prescribed even though I don't want to. In-fact I want to shove them down my H's throat and see him choke which I know is wrong because he loves me and want's me to be "well". I just feel so violent which is not how I am. Constantly thinking of all the people that want stuff from me and I am just soooo ANGRY at everything. I want to explode and tell people they are taking the piss as they all want my time for free. I have been working non-stop for 4 years to keep my business going I haven't had a wage in all this time. Still everyone wants me for free.
I am really not sure how to be with myself, this is hard.I am worried about "wreckage" I feel like I may do something I can't come back from.
I guess I should grab some ice and distract.

[Capriciousness]

I really relate to so much of that. I am so sorry you are in this place right now. You are not alone in it. I really hope you feel better soon. Bipolar sucks!

The impulses while driving are often very bad for me. I hate it. I'm so sorry.

[BipolaRNurse]

What is it with so many of us being in mixed episodes lately? I know for me it's a combination of stressors and the onset of spring---I've developed a pattern of getting wacky in the late winter and having it carry over into March and/or April. I wonder if that's true for others of you as well.

Hope you're out of your mood. Are you on an AP? 80mg of Zeldox got me out of my mixed episode quick smart (within 10 days). Maybe it needs to be adjusted if you are not finding your meds helpful to you.

[bumble2u]

Originally Posted by BipolaRNurse

What is it with so many of us being in mixed episodes lately? I know for me it's a combination of stressors and the onset of spring---I've developed a pattern of getting wacky in the late winter and having it carry over into March and/or April. I wonder if that's true for others of you as well.

Hi, yes I have noticed that I crack up Feb, March and October, November. Also these times are around my and my children's birthdays and usually when I have a lot going on.

[Hbomb0903]

I always get nervous and blips, or in this case a full on depression, around October and this time of year. Summer is when I am usually, literally and figuratively, in the sun!

[bumble2u]

Originally Posted by Hbomb0903

I always get nervous and blips, or in this case a full on depression, around October and this time of year. Summer is when I am usually, literally and figuratively, in the sun!

Yey bring on the sun! It was still -20 this morning and snow everywhere. i'm soooo tired of it. Re mood. I am really irrritated all the timer but my brain is coming up with some fantastic stuff and still I want to put me in the ditch so confusing.