[SQBsideways]

I haven't had a definitive diagnosis of BP, but it was an area my psych was looking into.
I am 24 weeks pregnant and stopped taking seroquel just before I found out. I stopped taking it as I couldn't deal with being an angry zombie. My gp said it was not the drug but was the other "poisons" I was putting into my body, namely sugar, caffeine and alcohol. I haven't been to a gp regarding my mental health since. I also haven't been back to the psychologist. Putting up the facade of being Ok enough to talk is exhausting and I find I just lie to make it easier.

Right now, I'm going through either extreme mania where I am either on top of the world or I'm extremely aggressive to my family.
The anger leads to guilt. Guilt because I am being a ****** mum to my 5 year old and not being tolerant enough of him or giving him quality time. Guilt because my partner doesnt deserve this either. Then comes the depression. This weekend I wanted to give up completely because I feel I'm failing my family so badly. The house is a mess, dinner is a major task that I dread, I don't want to sit with my son because I hate when I get mad at him for little things. I just want to be alone. I told my partner I couldn't deal with this or the baby and I wanted to leave once the baby was born. Leave him with the baby because I feel that at least the baby won't have to deal with the hurt of me either being a crap mum or dealing with his mum taking her life.
I don't know how to get help. The many docs I've seen try to give me other solutions to my problems, things like diet changes. I can't ever get a pdoc referral as they never think it's necessary. I don't think they believe me how serious this is, and it's not just the depression but the mania is what really needs help and is what usually leads to the depression. I was taken to the hospital before I was pregnant after an episode of anger against my partner and attempted self harm and they would not refer me to a psych unless I stayed inpatient. I lied that I was Ok and went home. The psychologist I saw obviously couldn't prescribe anything and so told me to see a psychiatrist. Without a referral I don't know what to do.
I feel it's hopeless to even go see a psychiatrist if I'm pregnant as the idea of the drugs scare me.

Does anyone have any suggestions for dealing with BP and pregnancy. When I'm lucid like this I get that my baby will need me but sometimes doubt takes over.

[hamster-bamster]

It sounds like you are in UK and have trouble getting a referral. the GP is an idiot for calling sugar a poison and not giving you a referral, but, it is the NHS and you need to know how to deal with the NHS. You probably need to repost asking specifically for that, as there are a fair number of UK residents on the forum.

Please write down the thoughts that come up when you are in a lucid stage ("my newborn will need me and will get attached to me" etc.) Laminate the sheets and hang around the kitchen.

[SQBsideways]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

It sounds like you are in UK and have trouble getting a referral. the GP is an idiot for calling sugar a poison and not giving you a referral, but, it is the NHS and you need to know how to deal with the NHS. You probably need to repost asking specifically for that, as there are a fair number of UK residents on the forum.

Please write down the thoughts that come up when you are in a lucid stage ("my newborn will need me and will get attached to me" etc.) Laminate the sheets and hang around the kitchen.

I'm in Australia and yes I believe the "system" is similar to that of the UK. We lack good gp's here, the ones near me are mostly clinic based and aren't interested in building rapport or dealing with people on a personal level.
Writing down thoughts is a good idea. Thank you for your reply, anything has to be better than 2am panic attacks from the guilt.

[wildflowerchild25]

I seriously can't understand why they won't give you a referal - I mean really, let the pdoc decide if it's serious or not!

Anyway I don't really know how to help but I can tell you I completely understand the guilt. I have a three year old and when I am agitated I HATE how I act. I did something a month ago that made me go back and get help again even though I really don't want to. I mean even when I'm in the midst of screaming at my husband I am sick to my stomach with guilt but I can't stop. So I understand where you're coming from. Hubby is pushing me to have another kid but if I'm like this now I'm scared to be pregnant and not have the option of taking medication.