[TheatreKid]

What is this trigger icon? An X? I can't tell.

I'm not manic. I am sleeping, I am actually kind of tired right now, am eating properly (as properly as you can when you rely on food banks), do not feel sped up, or omnipotent, or euphoric. I'm not spending my life savings on boxes of crayons, and I'm not writing 20 limericks in 2 days (I did that last time).

I am, however, kind of judgemental right now. And people are making me angry. Like, I just don't bother any more because I feel like they're too stupid to bother with.

I don't feel like I'm better than anyone, but I'm spoiling for a fight and just want to tell people how stupid they are. God, it seems like everyone is so stupid. I don't feel superior though, I'm probably pretty stupid too. I'm sure I annoy people.

Obviously I'm not going to say anything, even with the people who aren't my friends, I don't want to hurt feelings. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, that's not the point. That's why I'm sitting here not doing anything except posting on a messageboard where I am relatively anonymous.

I feel like grumpy cat, except I'm not even grumpy, not sad, just normal. I'm not manic, I'm not depressed. Oh god, is normal me a huge jerk? I hope not - I've never felt like this before.

[wildflowerchild25]

Lol I feel like that often. Sometimes I'm just done with humanity. I can tell the difference between that and symptomatic irritability because when I'm irritable any type of sensory input pisses me off. Otherwise I'm just cynical.

But I'm not always that way. Usually if I'm stressed out or slightly depressed. So I'm sure you're not just a jerk.

[Lobster Hands]

We're all jerks at one point or another. No worries TheatreKid.

[Lobster Hands]

Oh and yes, I do think the trigger sign is an X. At least that was my first impression of it.

[monkeybrains21]

U used the right icon, red circle with x. I'm always irritable. I think I'm actually close to being fired. I just keep going off on ppl and can't stop it. I get even more irritated when managers start verbally attacking me. I'm really getting close to getting rid of these annoyances. I just want them to shut the hell up and leave me alone so I can so my job.

[TheatreKid]

monkeybrains21, you just reminded me, when I was a teenager, before I was diagnosed (though I'm sure I was bipolar back then too) I was working at a fast food restaurant, and I went through this period of time where if a customer was annoying, I would be really rude to them. Eventually, a customer complained to my manager, but the manager didn't believe him because normally I'm such a nice and accommodating person.

Similar things happened when I was even younger, working the same fast food job, except I'd get annoyed at managers and coworkers. I got bullied by a manager who was having family troubles and took it out on others, especially this one woman I just clashed with.

And I was righteous about my job, the drive thru worked like an assembly line and when someone from the head store came in to observe for a day and started doing my job and we were supposed to work in tandem and bag every second order, I insisted on bagging every order and playing dumb when we had both bagged the same order, even though I knew full well what I was supposed to do.

I was just a kid, but geez, who told me I was the president?

Is that just normal work life? Getting annoyed at people and being a jerk in return? Yikes. I don't like it, I don't want to be that person.

[Lobster Hands]

Originally Posted by TheatreKid

monkeybrains21, you just reminded me, when I was a teenager, before I was diagnosed (though I'm sure I was bipolar back then too) I was working at a fast food restaurant, and I went through this period of time where if a customer was annoying, I would be really rude to them. Eventually, a customer complained to my manager, but the manager didn't believe him because normally I'm such a nice and accommodating person.

Similar things happened when I was even younger, working the same fast food job, except I'd get annoyed at managers and coworkers. I got bullied by a manager who was having family troubles and took it out on others, especially this one woman I just clashed with.

And I was righteous about my job, the drive thru worked like an assembly line and when someone from the head store came in to observe for a day and started doing my job and we were supposed to work in tandem and bag every second order, I insisted on bagging every order and playing dumb when we had both bagged the same order, even though I knew full well what I was supposed to do.

I was just a kid, but geez, who told me I was the president?

Is that just normal work life? Getting annoyed at people and being a jerk in return? Yikes. I don't like it, I don't want to be that person.

This really reminds me of a bit Louis C.K. did. He talks about how most all teenage workers have an attitude with the customer and he compares them to older people doing the same job.

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[monkeybrains21]

Theatrekid
I'm not a teenager and haven't been for almost a decade. As I get older I get more irritated. 3yrs ago I decided to see a T and try to get rid of the anger so I font always feel on edge. All she's told me is I'm really depressed and have anxiety. She says there's 2 types of anxiety 1) u cry and become very emotional 2) become extremely aggressive and in some cases violent. Guess which she says I am.

I'm not denying the anxiety or depression. But I feel there is more to it and if there is and it can be controlled so I don't wind up with felony assault, then I need what will help. Right now I've been able to contain with no legal problems but I don't know how long that's going to last. Especially since when ppl piss me off my first impulse is to ground and pound.

I'm little only 5'3" so most don't see me as a threat. Especially men who are usually a lot bigger than me. But they piss me off and I don't see anything except me take the down and throw fists. At pts like this I have to turn away and walk. Get as far from their instigation as I can and hope they don't follow. I just feel this all consuming rage simmering below the surface. One minute I'm fine maybe even smiling and then in a blink they set me off and I want blood as retribution.

[Standup2me]

Wild - I totally understand what you mean