[Standup2me]

The rodeo is in town

I watched the rodeo parade

It made my heart smile

[Curiosity77]

I went for a long walk in the forest with a friend i hadn't seen in a long time today. Now i'm just hanging out at home reading. I'm feeling pretty good today.

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[Blitter2014]

I did a whole day of volunteer work yesterday after being asked.....enen drove 450 kms there and back to do it. I felt fantastic but tired last night, now I just feel down and out. Evidently all our efforts yesterday were undone by last nights downpour and Im feeling like poop. At least with seroquel when I wasnt in hospital I was numb, saphris I feel alive and raw, both to the good and bad emotions. No sure if meds right cause feel great when good but BAD when bad... swinging the emotional pendulum gets tiring....or no.....the bipolar is doing the swinging....Im just hanging on for dear life!

Tired, Flat. Roadkill

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[usehername]

Couldn't sleep at all last night. Finally got a three hour map in the morning. Was wide awake. Took daytime meds w my coffee. Ran all over the place accomplishing virtually nothing. Forgot to eat until 6 pm, after which I decided to blast some music and weed and plant my garden. Took .75 mg triazolam. Still wide awake at 2 am.

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I just woke up and I feel okay so far. I didn't sleep all that much last night and I ended up waking up pretty early today and not sure why that is. A part of me feels okay but another side of me feels like I'm detached, like I'm not all here. If that makes any sense.

[bmoe73]

@steptome you ever tried dbt? I went to therapist after therapist and dbt has been the only therapy that has helped me

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[bmoe73]

Bad day yesterday. Mom, sisters, in laws were in town for my sons graduation. I worked outside all day and then went straight in the room and took some ativan to go to sleep. I feel fine now but lets see once everyone gets up with all the darn noise

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[Skitz13]

Tired today. Didn't sleep much last night. I'm trying to motivate myself to go for a walk but I'm really not interested. Would rather just lay on the couch. Hard to explain how I'm feeling today. Some depression, feeling detached somewhat, teary and some suicidal thoughts.

I decided it was best to call into work this morning so that I could have a day to rest. I am under a lot of stress this week with my uncle being hospitalized and my more or less grandmother (both were released yesterday though, but it is still a battle from here on), finding out my summer trimester at college starts tomorrow rather than the 16th like I thought, some work related issues with our budget, and the money issues I am having because of my last manic episode.

[Flummixed]

For reasons unknown to me I am just a bear with a sore butt today. It probably has more to due with the fact that I have to work 18 days straight and it just gets old being at work more than being at home. At least in 2 hours and 15 minutes it'll be better but who's keeping track.

[r010159]

I woke up with high anxiety and some depression. Now it seems that veil is lifting now that I am listening to some music.

[BlackSheep79]

Yesterday I was at the bottom, but today I am doing a lot better. I see my doctor soon, so that's good.

[r010159]

I am about to break a recent record of good days. I feel mildly depressed from time to time. I am thinking this is my baseline, being mildly depressed but functional, not too bad at all. But I still am dealing with my anxiety problems.

[Blitter2014]

I woke up bawling my eyes out from nightmares again. ...I am tired but thankful for this forum where I can unwind and release the emotions in a controlled way amongst friends.. I need to see mt T again

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[Moreta]

Making new friends is scary. I went out to the movies with one of my coworkers today. I really had a fun time. Yay for helping my self esteem.

[swheaton]

I had a busy weekend...hung out with coworkers Saturday afternoon and had dinner with the neighbors Saturday night. I'm in a good space

[Skitz13]

Yesterday was absolute crap and today I woke up a little depressed but got energized, have accomplished a lot but now I can't slow down. Manic????

[tigersassy]

So after finding an antibiotic last week that I can not ever take again I'm doing a lot better. I had to miss work for an actual health reason and not a mental health reason on Friday. I had therapy on Saturday. My wife went with me. Wasn't really productive in an immediate way. It did make me start thinking. Maybe a good thing maybe not, time will tell. But overall med changes are doing fantastic. Which is a good thing because I'm in limbo with Pdocs. Which sucks a bit, but I can deal. Time for bath diner and bed. Now. If I can sleep.

Tig

[Standup2me]

Too many nightmares last night.

Work up in tears, sobbing, aching

My dumba** bf right then wants to have sex (I don't know if I am allowed to say that here. Apologies if I've offended anyone)

What the heck am I doing with a cold insensitive person like that?

What is wrong with me?

[Blitter2014]

Originally Posted by Standup2me

Too many nightmares last night.

Work up in tears, sobbing, aching

My dumba** bf right then wants to have sex (I don't know if I am allowed to say that here. Apologies if I've offended anyone)

What the heck am I doing with a cold insensitive person like that?

What is wrong with me?

There is nothing wrong with you. It sounds like somone else is taking advantage of you though. I would hate to see anyone take advantage of someone who may be more "needy" due to a mental health issue...but unfortunately in the world we live in they are there. Not saying your BF is one...but....its better to be alone and have a choice than be with the wrong person and have no choice....

Hugs and hope your feeling better soon

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[Standup2me]

Blitter, you are right, and insightful.

I am so glad that you are here

[Curiosity77]

2 first dates this weekend. They were both nice guys, but i was more attracted to the second guy. I kept things low key, didn't jump into doing anything physical, which is good. The guy i liked seems really normal. I don't know how he will feel if he finds out about my mental illness. I'm not going to tell him for awhile. But i'm getting ahead of myself. I just really want to be in a relationship, so i hope this works out. I have so much baggage, i don't know what guy would want to be with me. It's so hard.

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[bmoe73]

Curiosity77. I struggle with informing someone im going out with that im bp and bdp. I feel they wont give me a chance. Is it unethical to not say anything?

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[usehername]

I'm exhausted from the feverish activity yesterday. Too tired to make words. Strange, the energy used to last longer. Maybe I'm just out of shape from the last depression. Or maybe it's the sleeping pills. Strange, it's only another benzo. Usually nothing can touch me.

[Sad&Bipolar]

I see my Pdoc tomorrow. She has indicated that since I haven't responded to medications well, she wants me to try an alternative treatment. So tomorrow I will see if she puts in an authorization for rTMS, or ECT. I am worried tonight and will find it hard to sleep. I am feeling pretty depressed at the moment. And she will see that. I am so scared she will think that rTMS will not be that effective because I am Bipolar 1, and will insist I go through another course of ECT. I had it done back in 2004.

I am hoping for a good outcome, but fearing the worst.