so much indecision

I'm not sure if this is a bipolar trait, or just a trait of my own personality, but it seems like I change what I want to study/do for a profession extremely often.

Theatre has always been #1 but I'm not always sure I'd be able to do that as a job without needing a second job to pay the bills.

In 2009 I started university in Social Science. I was planning to become a psychologist. But in my first year I took a lot of random courses and in the first two years I wanted to, sometimes even tried to change my major to Social Work/Nursing/Archaeology/Anthropology/Nursing again/Social Work again/Religious Studies (random manic impulse)/Indigenous Studies

After the first two years I changed my major to a combined honours in Music and Theatre and I'm happy here, somewhat, but I'm struggling to manage my bipolar disorder in a university environment. In 2012 I dropped out and came back, in 2013 I dropped half a year and came back. Both times, I was hospitalized.

I'm starting to think that A) While theatre is my fiery burning passion and when I'm doing well I actually think I could make it professionally, B) it's kind of risky.

I'm thinking of switching from university to college, because in Canada, colleges tend to be more applied, more skills based. I was planning to do one more year at university and apply to the theatre program at a couple of colleges. But if I don't make it in professional theatre, I feel like my only option is to teach, and I don't want to do that.

I found a program at the college in the city I already live in, Child and Youth Worker, and the website says job prospects include working with youth mental health and LGBT youth, both things I'd really love to do. And I could even include drama - I'd love to do drama groups or choirs with young people with developmental disabilities, or youth with mental illness. That was the aspect of social work that I always felt drawn to.

I've talked about this with my dad and applications are still open - he thinks with my several years of university it should be pretty easy to meet the application requirements, and I intend to do it part time and partially online, because my bipolar doesn't play well with full time classes. So I could potentially start this in September.

It's technically not goodbye to professional theatre. I'm 30, I have lots of years to do that if I can. And whatever job I have, I will still be writing, acting, singing in my spare time. It's just so hard to make a choice, while wondering if you're closing the door on something even more amazing.

In many places I have worked you degree is meaningless. As long as you can prove you went to school for X number of years you get the job anyway. In one example the lady in charge of our entire purchasing department had a fine arts degree and no account skills or business. She made over 100k a year and drove a Porsche. She was (according to many) a complete idiot but since she could talk about plays and expensive artworks with the owners she fit right in with them and had the job 10 years before i got there and to this day as far as I know. It was really sad as often we had none of the materials in demand on hand to sell and huge overstock of crap that was outdated and could not be sold even at cost.

That youth worker program sounds cool. I work at a mental health program for street youth, and we have a couple of staff with similar training. I think you could find some cool work with that. Could you do that program and still do theater?


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I could still do community theatre, and there's nothing stopping me from taking lessons and classes in theatre and voice, especially since by then I'll be able to afford it. I would also love to combine my music/theatre training and organize a music or theatre group for at risk youth.

It feels like the right choice, but every time I have one of these sudden obsessive focus on a certain school program I feel like it's the right choice, until 4 months later something else comes along. I have to pick one eventually, and since this one is part time and partially online, I can't think of a better fit right now.

I have always been interested in child and youth mental health, because I needed help when I was young but no one noticed.

I feel the same way. I would have really benefited from mental health care when i was a teenager with cycling moods, and doing lots of drugs and hanging out with sketchy people downtown. But i kept my grades up in school, so everyone figured i was ok. I didn't get any treatment until i was 20, and my symptoms started at 11. I used to work with adults, but i've been with the youth team almost a year and it's a nice change. The patients are really cool, and there is so much possibility for them to get well and change, where for adults things are a lot more entrenched.

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My symptoms started when I was 12, but I believe I've had odd experiences my whole life, though I don't know if I want to label them psychotic. I remember at 12 having a conversation with a friend about suicide. We found out that both of us had considered it. We were talking about it in a crowded classroom, I'm surprised no one noticed, but she joked about how something she wrote got her sent to the guidance counsellor. I kept my writing secret but I wrote so many stories about suicide.

I would love to help youth with mental health, but I would also love to work with LGBT youth. Trans youth especially. There's a youth trans support group in my city and I would love to work with them. I think it might be a volunteer position though, or at least just part time.

Working with trans youth sounds really interesting. You would be perfect for that!

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